The holiday season is undoubtedly one of the hardest times to be single. You’re sitting at Thanksgiving dinner, listening to everyone say, I’m thankful for my amazing husband/wife, I’m thankful for my beautiful kids. Everywhere you turn there are happy couples wearing matching Christmas pajamas and happy families cutting down the perfect tree at the Christmas tree farm.
You’re thrilled for them, of course. (No, really, you are!)
With so much joy and togetherness in the atmosphere during this time of year, it’s perfectly normal to feel a lot of confusing—and sometimes contradictory—feelings.
Here are some things you can do about it.
If you feel sad…
Journal, pray, call a trusted friend. Don’t shame yourself for feeling down. Often our tendency is to think we don’t have any right to be sad, especially if we have good things in our lives to be grateful for. But sadness and gratitude can coexist. You can look around at the amazing things God has given you while still longing for what hasn’t come yet (or grieving what you had and lost).
So feel your feelings—but don’t stay there. It’s healthy to acknowledge your emotions and let yourself feel them for a period of time, but too much wallowing can lead to bitterness toward people you love and relationships you respect. And that’s the last thing you want during what should be the most enjoyable time of the year! So if you find yourself in that place, re-center your heart on Christ. Remind yourself of His great love for you…and then turn on your favorite Christmas movie for a little holiday cheer.
If you feel lonely…
Don’t be afraid to be honest with your friends and family about what you’re going through. Tell them what you need. Maybe it’s a phone call to catch up with your family at the end of a long week, or a coffee date with a friend during your lunch break. As much as you’re able to, surround yourself with people who love and support you.
Most importantly: Know that you are never truly alone. God is with you, closer than your very breath, in every dark, cold, lonely moment. Isaiah 41:10 says, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand” (NLT).
He’s ready and waiting for you to talk to Him about everything, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.
If you feel bored…
Fill your free time! There are so many fun activities associated with the holiday season. Be intentional about writing out a holiday “bucket list” of all the things you want to do before the year’s over. Make some of the items on the list group activities, like a friendsgiving dinner, an ornament decorating party, or a trip to your local Christmas tree farm.
But make some of the items on the list solo activities, too, like a cozy movie night or Christmas cookie baking day. If you’re not used to doing things on your own, it may seem a little weird at first. You may even feel like others are judging you for not having a person to do things with. But rest assured, people aren’t as judgmental about solo activities as you think they are! Being confident enough to step out into the world and enjoy life alone is an extremely admirable quality, and learning to love who you are independent of anyone else is a worthy endeavor. Embrace the discomfort. You are an amazing person—so hang out with yourself!
If you just don’t know what to feel…
One minute you’re happy, the next you’re sad, the next you’re hopeful, the next you’re discouraged. One day you’re overcome by holiday spirit, and the day after that you’re back to worrying you’ll be alone forever.
Pause for a moment and take a deep breath. Everything’s going to be okay.
“Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?” – Romans 8:32 NLT
You don’t have to have all your emotions figured out. You also don’t have to be any further along than you are right now. There are so many ups and downs during this season of life; consider this your permission to ride them all out. Relieve some of the pressure by giving your circumstances and feelings to God. Reaffirm your trust in His good plan for your life. He’s got you, and He’s never letting go.
And then just let yourself enjoy the holiday season. Cookies and candy and cheesy movies and presents you’re definitely going to regift and ugly sweaters and Christmas card photos and more leftovers than you’ll ever be able to eat—and at the end of it all, the chance to remember and celebrate the beautiful silent night that brought our Savior into the world.
