Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NLT
Have you ever experienced one of those moments when someone refers to you as their best friend, but internally you’re going, I’m their best friend?! They’re not my best friend…And then things get a little awkward because you don’t know if you’re obligated to return the sentiment?
Or, on the other side of the coin, maybe someone you consider your best friend refers to someone else as their best friend, leaving you thinking, Hey, I thought I was your best friend!
Friendship is multi-faceted and multi-level. There are acquaintances, good friends, best friends, temporary friends, forever friends. Hopefully you’ll experience each type of friendship throughout your life.
Three Levels of Friends
Most people are probably familiar with the three levels of friends: acquaintance, good friend, and best friend.
Acquaintances are people you encounter on a regular basis—neighbors, coworkers, people at your church. You may have a broad picture of their lives, what they do for a living, what their family looks like. But conversation with an acquaintance never goes much beyond small talk. They’re not the ones you’re calling in the middle of the night when your kids are sick or when you’re going through a hard season.
Good friends are a level deeper than acquaintances. Maybe you hang out socially on a regular basis, call them on their birthday, or are in a small group together. These are people with whom you share a little bit more of yourself than you would with an acquaintance, but they still don’t have unlimited access to your inner world.
Then there are your best friends, your innermost circle. These are the people with whom you share everything, who get an intimate look into your life and heart. They’re who you share all of yourself with—your thoughts, dreams, desires, and struggles. You lean on them for support and encouragement. And you provide a safe place for them to share themselves as well. Most people have significantly fewer “best” friends than they have good friends or acquaintances.
Friendship Isn’t Static
Each type of friend is important and each plays a valid role in our lives. What’s important to remember is that the people around us and our relationships to them are constantly changing. Friendship “level” is never static—just like our friends themselves aren’t. Someone who was your “best” friend during your college years may move to “good” friend later in life as you grow apart and pursue your own paths. Someone who was simply an acquaintance for years may suddenly become a “good” friend. You may consider someone your one and only “best” friend, while they have multiple people they’d consider “best” friends.
Friendship is the bedrock of so much of our flourishing as human beings. We need people who know us intimately, people we get to walk alongside through every up and down. We also need people we say hi to when we pass them in the hallway at work and be okay with the fact that our relationship will never be any deeper than that, because even those small, seemingly insignificant interactions make us feel less alone in the world.
No matter what type of friend we’re with at any given moment, we should always make it our effort, as Romans 12:10 says, to “love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other” (NLT). In this way, we image Christ to one another.
