Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. – Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
“Anything you want to do tonight?”
The question of the ages. You’ve spent all day long deciding what errands need to get done, who’s making dinner, what project at work to prioritize, which bill needs to get paid first after your paycheck comes in….
The list of decisions goes on and on, and you’re hoping your spouse can make the final one of the day.
Decisions, Decisions
While not every decision is going to be as minor as what to do after the kids are down or what show to put on while you do the dishes, every married couple is going to be faced with choices they need to make together.
What career paths make the most sense for the family? How many children do you want (if any)? Should we rent or buy? Is it time to invest in a new car?
How we go about making these decisions can either lead to moments of growing together, or difficulties that make us feel like an unstoppable force is running up against an immovable object.
Stop and Go
When it comes to the weightier decisions (i.e. the ones with greater consequences), one helpful tool couples can use is the “red light, yellow light, green light” method.
The idea is simple: Both spouses have the ability to “put up a light.” A red light is saved for hard boundaries. When this color is played, it means that the spouse is not going to change their stance and the discussion should be put to rest (mind you, this can’t be abused because someone doesn’t want to talk about it. It should be related to a moral conviction or valid reason for not furthering the discussion). A yellow light means it’s a sensitive topic but both sides are willing to talk through it with prayerful consideration and ongoing discussions. A green light means that you’re comfortable with moving forward in a specific direction.
Couples should honor the colors in order of red → yellow → green. Meaning a green light and red light don’t equate to a yellow light; a red light should be taken as top priority.
Healthy Balance
This isn’t a fool-proof system, but it does stand as a good starting place to know where your spouse is at in making a difficult decision. Above all, you want to maintain a healthy line of communication as you balance out where your line between red, yellow, and green are.
Remember, you’re a team—making these decisions together should strengthen your relationship and make you both feel seen, heard, and supported.
