Finding love and romance can feel like an impossible task. So how can we know if the person we're dating, or the person we're interested in, is who we should spend the rest of our life with?
Here are 3 steps outlining what the Bible says about finding love and romance as a single.
Step 1: Getting Ready for Love and Romance
"Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people." – Luke 2:52 NLT
One of the most important lessons I ever learned about dating was from a professor in college.
I dated a girl named Carrie my first year in college. We'd only been going out for a few weeks when she broke up with me. I was crushed.
A couple weeks after the break-up, I was listening to one of my professors in class. During the lecture, she began to talk about dating. She said you can't have a healthy relationship with someone else until you have a healthy relationship with yourself.
After her lecture, I realized what I had been doing wrong. I had been so dependent on Carrie that I hadn't made sure I could be a healthy person apart from her. My neediness had been the very thing to drive her away.
In today's verse, we read that Jesus grew in wisdom (intellectually) and in stature (physically), and in favor with God (spiritually) and man (relationally). Therefore, to have a healthy relationship with the love of our life, we need to be flourishing in these four areas in our life.
Here are a few actions you can take to become healthier in these areas:
- Intellectually: Read and listen to helpful content. Never stop learning. Read books and listen to podcasts on subjects you're interested in and need help on. Attend classes and seminars that will help you sharpen your skills and develop your mind. Doing these things will help you reach your full potential.
- Physically: Eat healthy, exercise, and rest. Our body impacts every aspect of our lives. If you take care of your body, your body will take care of you.
- Spiritually: Develop spiritual disciplines. Spend time each day reading a passage of Scripture and praying. Attend church once a week. Tithe. Spend time meditating. Journal. These are all ways God uses to grow us spiritually and draw us closer to Him.
- Relationally: Build healthy relationships with the people in your life. If you want to get healthy, you need to have healthy relationships. Do your part to resolve the conflict in your life. Spend more time with people who are growing spiritually. Surround yourself with positive people. Minimize the time you have to spend with negative people.
Getting healthy is a life-long commitment. Even when you meet the love of your life and get married, you don't get a pass to stop growing in these areas. It's not easy, but the more you work on these four areas, the healthier you'll become and the closer you'll be to meeting the one you've been waiting for.
Step 2: Knowing Who You Should Date
"Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble." – Proverbs 13:20 NLT
I didn't know what was causing all the conflict in Sarah's relationship.
She and her boyfriend had been dating for two years. They were attracted to each other and had a lot of shared interests. Sarah seemed to be a strong, committed Christian, but something wasn't right.
Finally, I asked Sarah to tell me about her boyfriend's relationship with Jesus. She confessed that she wasn't sure if he even had one. It was then that I realized the root of their problems.
I shared with Sarah that she was building her relationship on two different foundations. Her foundation was Christ. Her boyfriend’s foundation was not. Their completely different outlooks on life were the source of most, if not all, of their relational conflict.
It can be easy to judge your compatibility with someone by their appearance and personality when you're single, but that isn't enough. Dating relationships are most successful when both people have a growing relationship with Jesus.
Whether you're single or dating someone right now, you must answer these two questions:
1. Do they have a relationship with Christ?
"Don't team up with those who are unbelievers...How can light live with darkness?...How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?" – 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 NLT
A building can't have two foundations. It must have one solid foundation to last. The same is true of your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Jesus said in Matthew 7:24-27 that He is the best foundation you will ever find. So if the person you're dating, or are interested in dating, hasn't given their life to Christ, you should think twice about the relationship.
2. Are they growing in their relationship with Christ?
"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" – Galatians 5:22-23 NLT
It's not enough for them to simply have a relationship with Christ. They must be growing spiritually. The Apostle Paul describes in Galatians 5:22-23 what a person growing in their relationship with Jesus is like. Use this as a checklist to help you and your boyfriend or girlfriend see how you're doing spiritually.
No relationship is perfect. We've all got our issues. But if you want to get your relationship off to a good start, find answers to these two questions. It could save you a lot of time and heartache.
Step 3: How to Meet the Right Person
"...bad company corrupts good character." – 1 Corinthians 15:33 NLT
Taking the initiative to get to know and ask out someone you like is hard. There's a lot of anxiety that comes from putting yourself out there. Of course, nobody wants to be rejected, but we could miss out on something unique if we don't take the chance.
My wife and I met in college. As we got to know each other and became friends, my feelings for her began to grow. Eventually, I wanted to be more than friends. It took a long time for me to work up the courage to ask her out (she would say it took too long). It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.
How can you meet and develop a relationship with someone you like and want to date? Here are three keys to helping you meet the right person:
1. Pray for the person you should marry.
"You don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it." – James 4:2 NLT
Praying for your future spouse is one of the best things you can do for them. First, ask God to help them grow in their relationship with Him. Ask God to watch over them and keep them safe. Finally, ask God to help the two of you meet at the right time.
2. Get advice from wise mentors.
"Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life." – Proverbs 19:20 NLT
Who do you know who has a godly relationship and marriage? Offer to buy them coffee or a meal. Ask them to share what they've learned about being in a God-honoring relationship. They say experience is the best teacher—but it doesn't always have to be your experience!
3. Take the initiative to meet people.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." – 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT
You'll never meet your mate if all you do is wait. Get plugged into your church and join a small group or a ministry team. Get involved in a singles ministry. Join a Bible club on campus, or start one if your school doesn't have one. Introduce yourself to people and show an interest in them.
Dating isn't easy. You won't get it right every time. But each step you take is another step closer to finding love and romance.
Dig Deeper
- How often are you praying for your future spouse? What are some things you can be praying about for them this week?
- Who are some godly couples you can reach out to for advice about dating and marriage?
- How can you take the initiative and start meeting people this week?
