“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’” – Luke 15:20-24 NLT
Being the parent of a child who has walked away from the faith is an incredibly hard, confusing, and heartbreaking experience. You read verses in the Bible like Proverbs 22:6–-“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it” (NLT)—and you wonder where you went wrong or if you could’ve done more to teach them about the way of Jesus. You pray and pray for your child to come home, but nothing seems to be changing.
If you can relate to any of these feelings, know that you’re not alone. Remember that God sees both you and your child. As helpless as you may feel right now, there are things you can do to keep the door to a restored relationship open.
Keep an Open Door
When the prodigal son was at his lowest, he knew he could return home and be provided for: “At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant’” (Luke 15:17-19 NLT).
Make sure your child knows your home is a safe place and that they’re always welcome to come back. They should be able to trust that if they call in the middle of the night saying, I have nowhere else to go, that you’ll leave the porch light on for them. Try to avoid contingencies like “You can come home when you…” or “You can only come home if…”
In the event that they do come home, don’t preach at them, make them feel guilty for their choices, or judge their lifestyle. Instead, welcome them with compassion and love, just as Christ welcomes those who return to Him.
Express Interest in Their Lives
Work to maintain as many connection points with your child as possible. Ask them about their lives—their job, their friends, their hobbies—and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Maybe your child is a musician or an athlete. You can show your support by attending their shows and games, complimenting their talent, and reminding them that you’re proud of them. Be their biggest cheerleader in all the things that are important to them.
Remind Them How Much You Love Them
Sometimes our children will make decisions we don’t agree with. They’ll choose lifestyles that don't align with the values they were raised on. As disappointing and disheartening as this is, your child needs to know that your love for them is not conditional or dependent on how well they do or don’t live up to your expectations.
In the story of the prodigal son, the father doesn’t immediately remind his son of his mistakes, nor does he chastise him for wasting his inheritance on worthless things. He doesn’t say “I told you so.” He meets his son with love and celebration first.
You don’t have to support every decision they make, but you should remind them regularly how much you love them. They’re your child, and nothing will ever change that.
Never Stop Praying
Maybe your child has removed themselves so far from the family that you don’t even have a way to contact or see them. That is a heartbreaking place to be. It can leave you feeling helpless, worried for your child’s safety, and doubtful that you’ll ever be able to reconcile the relationship.
If this is the case (or even if it’s not), the single most important thing you can do for your child is pray for them. Pray for their relationship with God, their safety, their wellbeing, their happiness, and their return to the family.
At times it may feel like your prayers aren’t making a difference. It may feel like prayer is too passive an action to take. But trust that the Lord hears you and has compassion for you. He grieves the separation of parent and child even more than you do. Don’t lose heart. Just keep surrendering your child to Him in prayer and hold on to the faith that He can bring healing and restoration to the bleakest situations.
A Prayer for My Prodigal Child
Lord, I am grieved so deeply for my child, who has walked away from the family and everything they were raised to believe in. It’s hard not to blame myself, to wonder if there’s anything I could have done differently. But even in my pain and confusion, I surrender them to You. I trust that You are watching over them and keeping them safe. Father, please bring them home. Soften their heart in all the places it’s become hardened. Help them to know that they are still loved by their family, but more importantly, that they’re loved by You. I know You have the power to redeem and restore this relationship, and I am believing for it. In Jesus’ name, amen.
