Before my wife and I married over 20 years ago, we went through a coaching program called Prepare & Enrich. In this environment, we learned how to talk through our “creative discussions” without letting anger or bitterness come into what we said to one another. We still use those principles today. I know that letting my wife see that she is heard has been a valuable lesson, even if I need to remind her about it from time to time. Communication issues, aside from finances, are some of the most typical troubles couples deal with. Prayer is essential to move forward in a healthy, God-honoring way.
1. Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. - James 1:19-20 NLT
Father, You and I know things haven’t been going well lately. I’ve been stumbling over words in my head, and my emotions have been getting the best of me. The result has been a mess. Please help me to do my part, hold my tongue, and keep the peace. Jesus, I need strength to speak slowly and to consider my words before they escape my mouth. Help me to pause. Help me wait. Help me to feel their position, feelings, and motivations. May Your righteousness win out in me. Amen.
2. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. - Ephesians 4:29 NLT
Spirit, I know I need more grace to come from my speech. I also understand it needs to begin in my heart. Help me not be the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18 and speak peace instead. Help me to consider my words to my spouse. Guide me to be more intentional in showing Your grace as it has been shown to me. Help me encourage my spouse when I speak. Help me want to show grace. I need Your help in this, God. Amen.
3. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. - Philippians 2:3-5 NLT
Father, sometimes I think I only see what I want to see. I defend my case before I give my spouse a chance to speak. As we communicate, help me to set myself aside. Help me to listen to what is actually being said. Help me not to put meaning into my spouse’s words that are not actually there. I think what I’m asking is that You help me be humble. I know that’s hard, but I know it’s what is best. Help me be a humble communicator. Amen.
4. Ears to hear and eyes to see — both are gifts from the Lord. - Proverbs 20:12 NLT
Father, I know Your wisdom says to listen first. Wisdom tells us to examine facts before we make assumptions or make judgments. I have a hard time with this and can rush to judgment. You gave me two ears, two eyes, and only one mouth. Help me to listen and examine more than I speak. I want to honor You and my spouse more than feeling some need to justify myself. I submit my mouth and my heart to You, Lord Jesus. Amen.
5. Wise words are more valuable than much gold and many rubies. - Proverbs 20:15 NLT
Father, maybe I need to get counsel from others before I speak. When I look to my own “wisdom,” I know I’m getting a heavily biased opinion rather than an objective, honest look at things. I want to be a good communicator with my spouse. I want to see us succeed. Help me seek out godly voices, not gossip, not friends who have open wounds in their lives. Help me find people, leaders in the church, that I can lean on and seek counsel that draws both of our hearts toward You. I shouldn’t be doing this on my own anymore. I need You most of all. Amen.
6. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! - Galatians 5:22-23 NLT
Holy Spirit, my communication style has been lacking at times. I want to see Your good work in me flow out into my marriage. I want to know the unity you bring between my spouse and me. But so often, our flesh gets in the way. Help us to show love. Help us to speak from joy or at least hope for it. Help us to seek peace and to be patient. Help us to show kindness. Help us to be good to one another. Help us remain faithful, gentle, and demonstrate self-control. Be honored in our communication as husband and wife. Amen.
7. Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. - Colossians 3:12-13 NLT
God, before I talk to my spouse today, help me cleanse my heart from bitterness and replace it with compassion, patience, and love. Help me remember that my understanding is imperfect and that my opinions are influenced by my faults and sin. Draw us together as we talk, unifying us in Your wisdom and grace. May Your love season our speech, and Your mercy guide our hearts. Amen.
8. But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. - John 14:26 NLT
Jesus, thank You for making way for the Holy Spirit to come to us. I need Your help, God, in my communication with my spouse. I want to honor You, God, first and my spouse, too. I want to speak in love and the wisdom that You alone can give Spirit. Guide my heart, my tongue, and my attitude, Lord. Let me be mindful of Your Word at work in me, so I speak from that foundation and not from my flesh. Remind me. Guide me. Work Your way into me, and help me serve my spouse in humility as we communicate today. I ask this in Your Name, Jesus, amen.
