A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. – Proverbs 17:17 ESV
Many of us are taught from a young age that one of the most admirable qualities a person can have is independence—an ability to be industrious, self-sufficient, and to figure things out with as little outside assistance as possible. Needing help is viewed as a weakness. Needing help requires you to burden other people. And according to the pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps mindset, being a burden on anyone, even close friends and family, is the worst possible thing you could be.
Independence is an admirable quality, to be sure. God gave us incredible minds and bodies that are able to constantly learn and grow in order to adapt to specific circumstances.
But none of us was created to live in a vacuum. We were never meant to solve all our problems on our own or wrestle through hard seasons without letting anyone know what’s really going on. God gave us incredible minds so that we could think for ourselves; He also gave us other people, for encouragement, joy, and—no matter how hard you bristle at the idea of needing it—help.
Redefining “Burden”
There’s really no way around it: being a human is burdensome. We have constant needs that must be met to ensure our physical, mental, and emotional flourishing. On the most basic physiological level, we need to breathe clean air, eat nourishing foods, drink water, and sleep. For our emotional and mental wellbeing, we need to receive consistent love and affection, to feel safe in our surroundings and relationships, and to be cared for by people we trust.
No one is excluded from or above these needs, which means that the very act of needing is simply a part of being human, a part of how God designed us. It’s not a character flaw!
We Need People
If God designed us with needs, and if He also designed us to co-exist with other people, then it follows that some of those needs will only be able to be fulfilled through other people.
Say you break your leg and are unable to walk, but you have a prescription waiting to be picked up at the pharmacy. That prescription is a need you have, but since you physically cannot get it yourself, you have to ask a friend if they would stop by the pharmacy and pick it up for you. In the moment, you may feel helpless. You may view this favor you’re asking of your friend as an inconvenience to them at best, an annoyance at worst—especially if you’ve been conditioned to believe that having needs is a weakness. But the fact that you can’t drive there on your own is not your fault, nor is it a moral failure; asking for help isn’t, either.
Community Is Inconvenient
And you know what? Maybe the favor is a bit of an inconvenience for your friend. Maybe they live farther away from the pharmacy than you do and they have to drive well out of their way to pick up your prescription.
Imagine all the people you love most in the world. Think about the joy it brings you to do things for them, encourage them, or make their lives just a little bit easier. This same principle applies to the people who love you!
Take it one step further—most of us would consider it an honor to be inconvenienced in the name of love, friendship, respect, and care.
Living in community is a give and take. Sometimes you’ll have to ask your friends for favors, sometimes they’ll ask favors of you. You’ll have days when you’re so sick you can’t even get out of bed, or you’ll go out of town and need someone to watch your dog. Your friend will need you to pick up their kids from school or sit by their side as they grieve the loss of a parent.
If you’ve adopted the belief that your basic needs—or even your not-so-basic needs—are a burden on other people, allow the Holy Spirit to renew your mind. You do have needs, and you will be a burden sometimes, and that’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be, because it serves as a constant reassurance that you were never meant to live life on your own.
