“I got it!”
Those three words are the cry of independence and self-sufficiency.
I was carrying a full load of boxes from my car to my office this week and a teammate yelled, “Do you need a hand?” I replied, “Nope, I got it!”
I was carving pumpkins with my kids last week and when I tried to help my daughter scoop out the stringy insides, my daughter pushed me back. “I got it, Dad!”
I reached out to a member of our team a while back about something which didn’t happen when it normally did. I asked if he needed any help. He replied, “Nope, I apologize for falling behind. I’ve got it from here.”
Helping other people who don’t want your help is difficult.
Until someone sees their need for help and changes their point-of-view, our offer to help can be seen as pushy or disrespectful.
You and I are not God. We cannot “make” people do anything.
One of the areas where I struggle with this reality is gratitude. Ten years ago, I went through a “gratitude awakening.” I realized that gratitude wasn’t dependent on my circumstances. I realized gratitude didn’t require me to deny difficult circumstances. I even realized that gratitude was like a “muscle” that I could develop over time.
Over this past decade, I've shared about gratitude in articles, tweets, Facebook posts, videos, sermons, and devotionals. I've done all I can to share the transforming power of gratitude.
But not everyone is ready to hear it and some people have been frustrated by my enthusiasm for it. Some people have appeared ready to come at me when I suggested they practice gratitude. I’ve learned the hard way you cannot force people into a gratitude mindset.
So, how do we help others be grateful without getting punched?
I think there are three things we can do to help others experience God’s transforming power in our lives through gratitude.
Don’t be like Job’s friends! Be empathetic and listen.
The two things I think every person never gets enough of is encouragement and empathy. Our empathy and encouragement buckets have tons of leaks. We open up to others when we feel listened to and supported.
In the book of Job, the central figure endures incredible loss and suffering. Three friends show up when they hear of his loss.
“When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. Their names were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” - Job 2:11-13
The ancient Hebrews called this week-long process “sitting shiva.” Friends and neighbors would observe and bear witness to the grief and loss of another.
However, after one week of silence, these friends began pondering aloud the reasons for Job’s suffering. Their reasoning shared a single thread - the sin or deficiency in Job.
By the end of many chapters of accusations, Job declares his friends worthless and he says they should’ve stayed silent.
While we may see reasons to be grateful amidst another person’s struggle, being empathetic and listening is a far wiser path than trying to explain what happened. People who feel seen and heard are more likely to see in and hear from you about how giving thanks to God can change their view of their circumstances. When was the last time you listened to someone who was judging you?
Don’t be like Aaron and Miriam! Celebrate God’s work in others!
Moses is one of the most famous figures in the Bible. Yet, he is one of three children in his family who God used. Miriam and Aaron, Moses' sister and brother, we're unable to be grateful for God’s work in and through Moses. They were at minimum unable to be grateful for how God used their brother and possibly even trying to put down their brother for his “pride.”
“While they were at Hazeroth, Miriam and Aaron criticized Moses because he had married a Cushite woman. They said, “Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Hasn’t he spoken through us, too?” But the Lord heard them. - Exodus 12:1-2
We will never help others be grateful for themselves if we cannot be grateful for the very same things.
While there are times when we all battle entitlement and envy, we can reject that self-centered temptation. We can celebrate God’s work in others and appreciate how He is using their gifts to make a difference. When we celebrate others, we help them and ourselves move into a posture of gratitude.
Be like Paul! Show more often than you tell.
Paul talks a lot about the power and necessity of giving thanks to God. But as often as he talks, if not more than he talks, he models. He gives thanks in prison in Philippians 1. He ends every letter with a thank you list honoring those who have played essential roles as partners in his ministry. He thanks God at every turn for the undeserved grace he was shown.
“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything.” - Philippians 4:11
We tend to downplay the power of modeling, to our detriment. Parents tend to focus more on teaching moments than everyday moments. But as a parent, I have learned the hard way that more is caught than taught. My kids are always watching me. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Your actions speak so loudly, I can not hear what you are saying.”
In a culture where it's never been easier to talk, people pay attention to actions. Therefore, don't underestimate how God can use your faithful example overtime to transform lives.
So if you know someone who needs the life-changing power of gratitude, then resist the temptation to make their gratitude list for them. Instead, listen with empathy, celebrate how you see God working in their life, and model gratitude in your own life. When they’re ready to learn, they will know who can show them the way!
Scott Savage is a pastor and a writer who believes he has the best last name ever. He leads Cornerstone Church in Prescott, Arizona. Scott is married to Dani and they are the parents of three “little savages.” He is the creator of the Free to Forgive course and you can read more of his writing at scottsavagelive.com
