When my wife and I got married, we brought over $200,000 in debt into our marriage. The debt was a combination of student loans, credit cards, and a personal loan. This debt kept us from purchasing a home for almost a decade.
In the first couple years of our marriage, we got radically committed to reducing that debt load by eliminating many non-essential expenses. This elimination process was much easier for my wife than it was for me.
One phrase she taught me was “is this a want or a need?” We quickly discovered that my definition of a need and her definition of a need were very different! However, as she was an attorney and trained to argue for a living, I lost a lot of arguments and eventually learned the difference between wants and needs.
I thought about that difference as I’ve been meditating on God as Provider - this month’s Worship Now theme. On many occasions, I wondered if God and I have different understandings of this “wants vs. needs” question. As God provides for me, I’ve been frustrated by what or how God wasn’t providing. In those moments, I’m tempted to question God’s care, concern for, or even commitment to me.
This temptation is as old as time. If we rewind all the way back to the Garden of Eden, the serpent tempted Eve to question and doubt God’s provision for her and Adam.
God had set one rule - they could not eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Every other tree and food source in the Garden was available to Adam and Eve. God had provided richly and abundantly for their needs. Eve herself was an expression of God’s concern for Adam. It wasn’t good that Adam was alone in the Garden - so God made Eve.
However, the serpent invited Eve to question God’s goodness and provision for them.
“One day he asked the woman, 'Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?'
'Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,' the woman replied. 'It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, "You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’”
'You won’t die!' the serpent replied to the woman. 'God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.'”
Trusting God as Provider is not merely an act of expecting God’s future actions to match His past actions. God is not Provider just because we’ve seen Him provide in the past. God is Provider because He has made a promise to provide for His children. When we trust God as Provider, we’re trusting in His character to follow through on His promises and to remain steadfast in who He is.
The serpent attempted to sow seeds of doubt in Eve’s heart. Instead of trusting God’s provision and embracing His wisdom in setting boundaries for us, Eve chose to doubt His character and pursue what she wanted.
In the verses that follow the serpent’s promise that Eve would become “like God,” Genesis 3 records what happens next. “The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her.”
It wasn’t that Eve needed the wisdom the tree offered her. God was the source of that wisdom and He would provide all the wisdom Adam and Eve needed. Eve decided that God had not provided for her and Adam well, therefore she needed to pursue this “provision” herself.
Do you have an area of your life where you are currently feeling like God has not provided well for you? Have any seeds of doubt been planted in the soil of your heart when it comes to the trustworthiness of God’s character?
If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then I want to encourage you to take these two steps.
First, get honest about this with God. While God already knows what’s going on in your heart, confessing this struggle in prayer can bring greater intimacy to your relationship with God.
Second, get honest about this with another person. Sharing vulnerably with a trusted friend who is also a follower of Jesus will give you an encourager and supporter as you battle these doubts and struggles.
Third, write your own psalm of lament. Many of the psalms are honest laments, reflecting the struggle of a person who is not seeing God provide in a way that makes sense to them. Psalms 6, 38, and 130 are great examples. Wrestling through your doubts and questions in prayer before God in writing can bring you mental clarity on the situation and spiritual intimacy with God.
Naomi Raine & Melissa Helser echo the words of Psalm 139 with their song, "I Can’t Get Away." they sing:
Falling to the bottom…
Walking through a dark night…
Feeling isolated and alone…
Wondering how to overcome these obstacles…
In those moments, we are invited to trust in and depend on God as Provider. There will be temptations to doubt and take God’s role as our own. But I invite you to wait on God. Trust in His love and perfect timing. He didn’t promise to meet all our wants. But He promised to meet all of our needs according to our glorious riches in Christ Jesus!
Invite Him to show you how He'll do this for you today.
Scott Savage is a pastor and a writer. He leads Cornerstone Church in Prescott, Arizona. Scott is married to Dani and they are the parents of three “little savages.” He loves helping hurting people forgive others through his Free to Forgive course and you can read more of his writing at scottsavagelive.com.
