• Me Too

    Wednesday, October 18, 2017

    Every time I see someone on social media write the words #metoo, I wonder how long it took them to push "post". I've been struggling with it for days. 

    I no longer hold on to the hurt and pain from the incident that makes me a member of that group...but that one incident has changed my life profoundly...there is no denying that. 

    I was 9. He was in high school. I just wanted to forget it happened. Too scared to tell my parents, I buried it down deep and repressed it until I was 17 years old. In the years between those 2 days, I developed a deep fear of strangers. I made sure every door in our home was locked every night and every window shade drawn.(some nights I double and triple checked) I had a fear/hatred of anyone who bore that boy's name but I didn't know why. I had boys that tried to hold my hand and I would instantly panic.

    I was in youth group the night I remembered...everything came flooding back. To this DAY I can still tell you every detail from that day when I was that petrified little girl.  I told my parents. They alerted the church we used to attend states away. I wasn't his first victim. I wasn't his last...but I finally spoke out.  

    Since that day, I have used my story to connect with others that have gone through the same thing...I didn't want other girls to feel alone. I wanted them to know that you can move forward...that there IS hope. I remember telling my story for the first time to a young girl who had been abused for years and years and thought she was the only one. We sat in the back of an old church and cried together...she wasn't alone and that made all the difference. It doesn't take away all the pain, but sometimes it makes it more bearable. 

    When my boys were old enough, I sat them down and told them everything. I wanted them to feel safe to tell me if anything ever happens to them...and I wanted to remind them that respecting women isn't an option...it's a responsibility. My daughter is only 5...but she and I have had lots of talks and will continue to have many more as she ages. I worry something will happen to my kids...but I cant 100% control that (oh how I wish I could!) I can only speak up and speak out and love them fiercely. 

    Why am I telling you this? Why am I typing "me too" into my posts today? Maybe because it's a little bit freeing...that some of the unnecessary shame floats away the minute I post this thing. Maybe I'm telling you because seeing other people type the same thing makes my heart break when I realize how prevalent this problem is in our society and I feel a sisterhood with the women brave enough to say...enough. Mostly I'm telling you because if it has happened to you...and somedays you feel frustrated b/c years later you still have effects...I get it. If it has happened to you and you want to forgive and try to move on but it's hard...I understand. I'm here for you if you ever need help/prayer/advice...I'm here.    #metoo. 

    Clock

     




     

     

     

    Off Track

    Monday, October 16, 2017

    Ever been in a season of life where you are cruising through like a BOSS?!? You are organized, healthy, just pure fire...and then BOOM....off track.

    That just describes the last month for me. All summer - I was Jack in Titanic...king of the world, baby. :)  I was doing the right thing with eating and exercising. I was feeling great! I had lost 35 pounds...I felt like I was a better mom and wife...I was kind of killing it...then I hit a brick wall. 

    I'm not sure I hit the wall fast...I think it was a slow sideswipe...then I got tangled in it. I tried to break free, but I couldn't. 

    There are many excuses...parents were in town, crazy days at work, stressful schedule, travel...all valid...but I let them all consume me.

    I found myself way off track this weekend...how did I get here? 

    I think it happens slowly. We start to justify things. I can have this chocolate...I'm stressed!! I don't need to exercise today, my nap is more important. I can stare at my phone instead of making dinner...the kids won't mind. ugh. double ugh. 

    How bad is it? I don't know...I don't feel great about where I found myself this morning. I found myself wishing days away when I used to look forward to tackling them. 

    How do I fix it? Not sure...probably just one moment at a time. I'm not erasing months of progress with a few weeks of bad choices....but stopping it before it gets worse is critical. Every day we stay "off track" is a day that is harder to get back on. Best advice? Start with one thing. I prepped my meals today. I said no to the snickers bars in my boss's office (SO HARD!) and I chose to get up on time instead of pushing snooze 5 times and running around like a crazy person yelling at everybody I'M LATE!!! - Ok, so that was 3 things...but 3 easy things....I'm not king of the world by any means, but I'm getting back on track. 

    Then there is this...remind yourself next time you are on track how easy it is to fall off. Remember my Jack from Titanic moment? King of the world? Yeah, I was probably a little full of myself. I probably thought nothing could break my stride, I. had. it. under. control. Those moments where we start to say...God, I got this...I'll call you when I need you. Yeah...that was me. Whenever we forget God, we are already off track...we just might not know it yet. 

    Here's to day 1 back on track :) 

    Clock - Time

    Now Follow This

    Monday, September 18, 2017

    What is something you are trying to get better at doing? Right now...in this moment? Budgeting? Organization? Being On Time? Getting Healthy? Stopping Smoking? Keeping the House Clean? Need I go on? :) 

    There is 1 thing we are always in the midst of improving on...Things we struggle with...things we sometimes try to hide from other people (aka..I'm fine!) 

    For me...it's weight. I hate that it is...but it is. I eat my feelings. I thought there was true happiness in food (spoiler alert: there's not) ;) 

    I have been working on it since June. I've lost over 30 pounds. I have a ways to go. I have good days and bad. I want to invite you in to the journey. 

    I've started an instagram page...I'm not pushing a product or a program...just sharing my struggles with you - and my successes - join me!! Videos, funny pictures, before and after shots...everything! 

    Air1Mandy Instagram . 

     

     

    Clock - Time

    NEWEST POSTS OLDER POSTS