May 12 2014
You Just Wait

On family, parenthood, and children growing up.

Your wife is expecting. "This is going to be pretty exciting," you say.

They say, "You just wait."

"You just wait, because you won't be getting any sleep anymore, once that baby's born. It's all over. It gets harder. It gets worse."

 

Your baby is fun. You think it's hilarious, how he's amused by one particular stuffed dog above all other toys.

They say, "You just wait."

"Just wait, because when that kid is toddling around, pulling down the curtains, and getting into stuff, you can't look away for a second. It gets harder. It gets worse."

 

Your toddler is a blast. Everything is new and wonderful to him, from puppies to repeatedly crashing towers of blocks. He laughs every time, and wants you to "Do again!"

They say, "You just wait."

"Just wait, because when your kid starts really talking, you'll get tired of that sassy mouth. You'll wish he was still a year old. It gets harder. It gets worse."

 

Your elementary-age kid is an absolute joy. You can play take him swimming, play catch with him, and teach him hilarious end-zone dances to amuse your friends.

They say, "You just wait."

"Just wait until he's a teenager, because he'll learn how much he doesn't like you and won't want to have anything to do with you no matter what and he'll eat everything and you'll get very tired of him and want him out of the house as soon as possible. It gets worse."

 

Your teenager is fascinating. You can't get enough of him. He makes you laugh, because, well, you saddled him with your exact sense of humor. You get to play video games with him. He beats you at chess, sometimes twenty times in a row. He fills your home with music, first with a screeching sound, that, months later, becomes recognizably melodic, and then the sweetness of Bach on violin.  He mows the lawn. Not always happily, but he mows the lawn. You catch him listening to your favorite bands in his room. He says things that you never thought about before. He grows taller than you.

They say, "You just wait."

"Just wait until he moves away, because your heart will break in two."

 

And... for once, the very first time, ever...

They're right.

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8/22/2012 11:43:24 AM
Linnea Larsen United States
Linnea Larsen
Right on! I love this line: "you saddled him with your exact sense of humor." For me, it's my daughter and we know that some of our humor can only be shared between the two of us. We often say, "I have to tell you something because you're the only one who will understand."
8/22/2012 11:43:44 AM
Jon Swerens United States
Jon Swerens
And the people said, "Amen."
8/22/2012 11:49:56 AM
Dr Chuck Pearson United States
Dr Chuck Pearson
SO SAY WE ALL.
8/22/2012 11:55:27 AM
Brandon United States
Brandon
4 years: My Daddy can do anything!
7 years: My Dad knows a lot…a whole lot.
8 years: My father does not know quite everything.
12 years: Oh well, naturally Father does not know that either.
14 years: Oh, Father? He is hopelessly old-fashioned.
21 years: Oh, that man-he is out of date!
25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.
30 years: I must find out what Dad thinks about it.
35 years: Before we decide, we will get Dad's idea first.
50 years: What would Dad have thought about that?
60 years: My Dad knew literally everything!
65 years: I wish I could talk it over with Dad once more.


8/22/2012 12:06:46 PM
Danielle Z. United States
Danielle Z.
Oh, tears! That was just beautiful!

I've got three boys, one just hit the double digits. All of their stages have brought new challenges but a baffling amount of new joys right along with them. I can't imagine ever being ready to let them go, my heart breaks just thinking about it....but I'm MORE excited to see the kind of men they're becoming. I think, maybe, I'll find a way to enjoy that as well!

Praying for all those parents seeing their kids off to college this year!
8/22/2012 12:09:49 PM
Dorci United States
Dorci
I think the truth is found somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.  It's not always butterflies and unicorns and neither is it always the worst fate heaped upon a person.  Some days are good, some days you want to be the one to run away from home. That's why we need a Heavenly Father and His Word to give us wisdom along the way.  

I'm sure the last bit of advise is true, though.  My 20 and 23 year old sons will be moving out any time and I get queazy whenever I think about it.  They have given me some of the most difficult days in my life, but they are part of me and when they leave they'll take my heart with them.  
8/22/2012 12:11:17 PM
Linda United States
Linda
This definitely gave me a different perspective....enjoy today, its awesome moments as well as its challenges.  Don't want to look back one day and realize you spent all that time complaining.
8/22/2012 12:30:24 PM
Laura H United States
Laura H
Awesome! Ours is 13 right now and guess what, he's still a joy, he still talks to me and sometimes we laugh so hard we snort!
Enjoying the journey...
8/22/2012 12:33:09 PM
kim United States
kim
Tears***  

I am missing my soon-to-be 13 year old son so much, as he is off at boarding school this year as a result of trying to break the alcoholic/addict/co-dependent cycle that is entrenched in both sides of his family.  I try to ease the pain of missing him by remembering what a pastor said in a sunday sermon about 2 months ago which was, "sometimes as Christians, we have to know when to get out of God's way"....but I am tormented by the voices in my head that bring up could he possibly be thinking i have abandoned him?  does he hate me?  and all those negative things (which are from the enemy)    Sometimes, as a parent, we truly have to make really really difficult decisions for what is best when it comes to our children.  he is in a Christian, godly school, surrounded by loving adults and most importantly positive, Christian men as role models, which he has none back home...not his dad, not his uncle, not either of his grandads...it's a sad situation.  As his mom,I can do lots of things well and God has equipped me to do those things, but I cannot teach him how to be a man.  My thoughts go to the man God created him to be and putting my Faith and truth in God that I listened to Him and followed His instruction to send my son somewhere that God could get him alone and be quiet with him, where he could also work in my son and through him for His glory.   But alas, as his mom... my heart is breaking and I miss my son.   Please pray for me and for J.  Thanks if you took the time to read this.
8/22/2012 1:00:31 PM
Mike Taylor United Kingdom
Mike Taylor
Thanks, Brant, you are 100% right. I <i>hate</i> it when people tell me "just you wait". Our eldest is 14, and so far they've been wrong every single time.
8/22/2012 1:17:39 PM
Michael Jones United States
Michael Jones
I'm still baffled by people who talk about how "terrible" the "twos" are... the "twos" have been one of my favorite ages with my kids. In fact, I submit that parenting ideally is the opposite of the "just you wait" mentality. When they are tiny, you have to wait on them hand and foot because they can't do anything. When they're a little older, you have to make sure they don't accidentally do something that gets them injured or killed. The older they get, the more they can take care of themselves, and the easier it is to relax and enjoy them. When they're little, the parent has to put up with whatever entertainment the child is able to understand at his or her age; when the child is older he or she is able to engage in things that are truly fun for the parent, too. Certainly there are challenges; there are in every relationship between any two people. And they don't always do what you tell them, and they mess up, and those times are not fun and games. But I personally think that the more responsibility the child is able to handle, the less the parents have to shoulder, and the more fun it can be for the parent.
8/22/2012 1:41:16 PM
Joeli J. United States
Joeli J.
I'm in the teenager stage.  She's a junior in hs this year, and "can't wait" til she goes to college. ..........I can........
8/22/2012 3:24:13 PM
Collee Canada
Collee
My kids are grown; 32, 27, 24.  They live far and near. I've adjusted to the changes of having them away from me, but yes, even though I raised them to be independant and they still come home to love their mom and dad, I miss my kids. It still breaks my heart when they drive away.
8/22/2012 3:42:10 PM
Linda Carlblom United States
Linda Carlblom
Kim, My heart aches with you as you do what you know is best for your son. It's so hard, sometimes. God bless you as you adjust to his absence. Praying this is a life-changing year of growth for both J and you. I'll be praying you through.

Your fellow mom,
Linda
8/22/2012 4:39:04 PM
Karen United States
Karen
I'm amazed and awed. As I sat at my desk yesterday in near tears, missing my now 20 year old son.
I play Air1. all day at my desk, and as im crying, in the background, I hear Brant. Speaking to my heart as if he was talking about me, to me, about his own son.

Every moment, albeit some were rough, ok alot were rough, I enjoyed immeasurably. From the "whats that" stage  to the "i know what that is" stage to "i know everything" stage, all of them a perfect blessings.

thank you for you words of healing, Brant, your a light for many
8/22/2012 5:05:30 PM
kim United States
kim
Sweet Linda,  not sure if you are keeping up with the comments posted here, but I wanted to thank you for your sweet reply and offer of prayers for us during this upcoming year!  Tears rolled down my face to read your words and I felt peace and comfort knowing that someone else gets it.   Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers and offering!   I am praying for you too, because us moms (and all parents)  need as many as we can get.  I believe our kids have it tougher than we did, growing up.   If you would like to friend me on FB, I also commented on Brant's FB thread of this blog post.   Take care!

Fellow mom,
Kim
8/22/2012 5:08:26 PM
Sandi United States
Sandi
I have two wonderful kids!  My son will be 21 next month and his sister is off to college in a week and a half.  I have been amazed as they have grown that I have loved EVERY phase!  If you had told me 10 years ago I would like teenagers I would have told you you were crazy! Smile But I have truly enjoyed every step of this journey called parenthood.  I will so miss being a "hands-on" Mom, but I am hoping that the relationships we have built will hold us close together as they become adults themselves.  Parents of little ones, savor EVERY moment - they go by waaaay too fast!!
8/22/2012 5:11:03 PM
Rene-Houston United States
Rene-Houston
Thus endeth the lesson.
8/22/2012 5:20:54 PM
Fred United States
Fred
Yep.
8/22/2012 6:10:51 PM
Melissa King United States
Melissa King
I know this to be so true.  My 17 year old son left our home because he decided he knew better than us and he would not follow the rules.  This was in June.  My heart is broken. He lives with some friends of his.  We are just now starting to talk again.  He started his Senior year last week and I did not get to share it with him.  I just pray for him everyday that God will soften his heart and that we can have a relationship again.
8/22/2012 7:51:28 PM
Liz Lehman Caldieraro United States
Liz Lehman Caldieraro
Brant, this is beautiful and right on target!  Thanks for sharing what's in your heart...it resonates in mine as well!!
8/22/2012 8:42:02 PM
Valerie United States
Valerie
I love this!  I have 6- and 8-year-old boys and so far, this holds true.  I admit I have been sort of dreading the teen years, but this is a good reminder to look forward to them instead.  Thank you, Brant.
8/23/2012 12:14:13 AM
Tamra United States
Tamra
I love this! I always thought why are people so anxious for their children to go to school? I loved spending time with my kids. They were and are my life. I never wanted a break from them. (I had breaks for those that think that's unhealthy, but I loved getting back to my babies). Letting our kids go is the hardest part of being a parent. I have 23, 19,  and 11 yr old daughters and a 16 yr old son, as well as 3 step children. 1 daughter, 16 and 2 sons, 12 and 11. Plus my oldest has a 2 yr old son, my precious grandson. They are my life and the best gifts that have ever come my way. I agree with you and I understand your heart and pain of adjusting to another chapter in your life and letting go of your children. My oldest moved out for the last time when our grandson was a few months old. What I have learned is that when I let go, I have to put them into God's loving hands. I have to trust that when they make mistakes or are hurt by someone God is suffient to cover them as He has so graciously covered me. My oldest was sexually assualted at the end of May. (The person went to prison for 2 in a half yrs.) It has been the most painful, sickening feeling I have ever felt. I have sat up crying and praying for her to be ok. -I will not take us off topic. My point is that letting go takes a whole lot of trusting God. I'm sorry you are missing your son, but I love that you love your son so much. It's beautiful and Godly. Crying is just apart of being a good parent. ;) My husband cries when his/our 16 yr old daughter comes over and when she drives away to go back to her mom's. Just seeing how grown up she has become in the last year has been such a bitter sweet time. My husband and I have been married 6 yrs. he has a bond with my children and has filled a void in their lives where their dad is not available for them, but he saw his precious baby girl be born, he has watched her grow into this beautiful young lady who is just so full of life and just a few years away from being out on her own. Just the the thought of it makes him cry. I love that he loves his child so much. It is what a father is truly called to do. To love, encourage, teach his children about God, their salvation and what it's like to have a Godly man in their life is so precious.
8/23/2012 2:52:11 AM
Ross South Africa
Ross
Brant, thanks for your show and blog.  Children, in every age, are a blessing from our Father.  I have learnt sooo much of my Father's heart for me through my children.  I have a friend who just blogged on her reflections on having kids earlier in the week - enjoy Smile(http://reyburnboys.blogspot.com/).  God bless.
8/23/2012 4:29:21 AM
Kim L. United States
Kim L.
So true i have a wonderful 4 1/2 lil girl that amazes me daily. I see me in her an thank God to be blessed with her. She had a sister that is in heaven she died at 8 months waiting for a double lung transplant so i was so thankful when 10 yrs later i was blessed with my daughter.time goes by so fast.  A child is a gift from God an im so grateful to be blessed with motherhood once again....tring sometimes but i couldnt imagine not having my cede rain. Blessed an thank u for sharing such a special time in your life. God bless
8/23/2012 8:39:27 AM
TP United States
TP
Brant:
very cool on two levels:
1) a nice reminder of keeping perspective when we have our children with us and,
2) pointing out how society sometimes sends wrong messages about kids in our life.
Thank you.

I hope God sends you solace as you go through this transition with your son. You have reminded us before, so let us remind you once, God turns mourning into dancing. You'll always be his dad.
8/23/2012 9:01:29 AM
Penni Young United States
Penni Young
This is so very true!  We took our oldest to college this past week and it was hard!  However, I am very excited that she is ready for this new adventure!  She is already involved with the Christian Campus House and enjoying her classes.  She gets along great with her new roommate!  She is a joy and I can't wait until she comes home to visit!!!!
8/23/2012 9:02:19 AM
Lynn United States
Lynn
I've said all throughout my kids' growing years "this is my favourite age". No matter what age they are, it has been the best. Sure there are moments (hours, days) when it's not so fantastic, but I have loved every stage and age of my 3 fantastic children. Even though the leaving home part is devastatingly painful, the pride of seeing them mature out weighs it all.
8/23/2012 11:42:17 AM
Dionna United States
Dionna
Love this. I love being a parent and enjoy each stage of my children growing up. It's not all easy but it is such a joy to walk through life with them and see them evolve into their own person.

I'm not sure why everyone tries to make sure we know about the tough things and bad points of being a mom or dad - but they do. Yet I wouldn't trade one moment of it for anything.
8/24/2012 7:39:35 PM
Sandie United States
Sandie
I really enjoyed this.  This is my relationship with my daughter.  I SO loved watching her grow up through every 'phase'.  And now, when she is an adult, it's true that there are things that only she and I share and laugh about.  And we love it that way.  Thanks so much for this blog entry.
8/27/2012 7:19:40 PM
Corey United States
Corey
OMG that is sweet!  *tears*.

i never understood the warnings about the not sleeping having a baby, the not sleeping would be the least of my concerns, i'm paranoid about a zillion other things that can go wrong, especially simply the pain or discomfort that you can't fix from a cold, tummy pains, and things they simply can't tell you of because they can't speak english yet Smile.   sleep?  pff, i work 3rd shift, i got sleep deprivation covered.

the part about teens, we had plenty of times we wished they'd be more respectful, and act safely for their own selves; but never once wanted them gone ever, and knew that gone was a horrible thing looming very fast.  

8/28/2012 8:17:49 PM
Kat United States
Kat
My husband keeps saying he "can't wait for (insert age here)" of our daughter who is now almost two.  While I cry and desperately try to savor each moment, he is looking forward to the next.  
She is like a rocket, growing and moving to take off...I pray he realizes the value of appreciating these moments before they are gone and he asks where they went...
8/31/2012 5:17:42 PM
chrissy United States
chrissy
There never was a time in my two kids lives that I didn't adore being their mom.  Terrible two's, tween and teen years, I wouldn't change a second.  We had a rough patch when my son was a late teenager, but really, that just made us closer.  He grew up into a wonderful man and I am so proud of him.  My daughter always was a joy and still is to this day.  I had a blast raising them, they made life a hoot. I have been very blessed...
9/13/2012 4:47:25 PM
Lynda Salina United States
Lynda Salina
Wow! This brought me to tears. My kids are all grown up and I miss the fun times of them being kids.  I treasure those memories. Yeah, I had some really tough times with one of my boys, but God saw us through and now he has an amazing testimony. I wouldn't trade one minute of their lives for anything! It's been an amazing experience, being their mom. And now... what fun! the grandkids!!!!
10/17/2012 1:03:39 PM
Jeff United States
Jeff
I love this
10/19/2012 6:11:36 PM
Faith United States
Faith
I don't fully understand how you parents out there feel yet - I'm only barely 13. I honestly wanted to not grow as fast, though, after reading this blog entry. I don't want to become an adult and have all that pressure bearing down on my shoulders - I have enough, trying to solve everyone's problems as it is. I guess, if I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I say, "I'm fine." They say, "Just you wait." Just you wait until you grow up, little missy, it's only gonna get worse. You'll have more and more issues to deal with.
But... in the end, I'll be able to say, "I have God to lighten my burden."
1/21/2013 10:25:33 PM
kate United States
kate
Thank you Dr Grace for saving my marriage, I and my husband have been looking for a male child for the past 18 years we had 4 daughters and thier was no probability of giving birth to a male child and my husband was frustrated to the extend that he wants to divorced me, he said that he needed a male child in his life that will take over him and keep his family name in existence, I did not know what to do again I also went mad because of this male child issue after 4 daughters even my doctor told me that if I should be pregnant again that it must still be a female child, it was their I lost all hope, so I told a friend of mine who also passed through this king of problem and now she is a mother of two male child, then she told me that kit was Dr Grace Medicine that help her bear her two male child she have now then I ask her how did it happen. then she told me that they deal with root and herb purely that their medicine is blessed and it working for real that after she have took this their medicine that was when she had a first male child after 5 female children, so I decided to contact them also then they told me all I need to do, they send me the medicine in my country I made use of it and I was pregnant again I was afraid to go for check up if it was a female child again after the 7 month my doctor asked me how did this happen that the child in my womb is a male child their I knew that this medicine is real and it works, I deliver a baby boy and I want you all my fellow women who are looking for male child so badly or desperately to contact Dr Grace she will help you out and also women having the problem of bearing children just contact her and she will put a smile to your face, her email is babyboyhospital@yahoo.com.
1/21/2013 10:27:03 PM
anita United States
anita
i really want to thank Dr Grace hospital for saving my marriage and put a smile on my face, have been married for 18  years of no child and nothing was wrong with me and my husband it was confirm by our family doctor. my husband was frustrated and unhappy with the marriage again, i do not know what to do again i cried day and night for God to anwser my prayer but yet nothing happen, so i saw the advert of Baby Boy Hospital on the internet of how they have help so many women with thier medicine which is purely root and herb, so i decided to try them and they told me how thier medicine do work because it is blessed from thy lord that what they told me so i decided to order for thier medicine and they send it to me in my country, after taking this medicine for 1 month i miss my period i never believe then until the 3rd month i went for check up and they told me that am pregnant i could not believe that i will ever be pregnant again, if not for thier root and herb medicine i took i will have been a barren for the rest of my life, what is the extend of getting marry without kids, i really thank you Dr grace for saving my marriage i have given birth to my baby which is a male child , and now am carrying another baby in my womb. this is real and it working not just a root ad herb but a blessed medicine. i want all you women who are loking for fruit of the womb and also for male children so desperately to contact this woman hospiatl she will put a smile to your face again, her email is babboyhospital@yahoo.com
2/15/2013 1:45:45 PM
Kate Canada
Kate
My oldest is almost 18, and I don't even want to think about him leaving!
2/15/2013 1:47:16 PM
Kate Canada
Kate
I'm a different Kate, I didn't post the spammy message.
2/15/2013 6:52:20 PM
Aundrea Cacatian United States
Aundrea Cacatian
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2/15/2013 7:39:25 PM
Lynda United States
Lynda
Aundrea...why are you posting that here? NOT the place.... just saying!
2/18/2013 4:11:47 PM
nicole hockett United States
nicole hockett
My son is 6 and I love every min of being his mommy. I know there is times where I get upset but  he knows I still love him. I think he is amazing and compassionate, funny and just to smart of his own good. His name is Gabriel, I didnt know what his name meant when I named him, but he already wants to be a Pastor. He told me just yesterday he wants to be just like our Pastor, who has several churches and he wants to have three also. I think he is just one great kido. I cant think about him ever leaving me because I will cry my heart out.
Gabriel Lee Hockett momma loves you more and more everyday Im truly blessed to be your momma.
2/18/2013 4:27:55 PM
jane United States
jane
I love all 4 of my children who are all adults now. I would not change a thing about any of them. I do have to say for me....the teen years were the most difficult. Hard to see my children in pain and struggling for different reason and also feeling the pain in my heart when they made poor choices that made me wonder, sometimes...."where is my child and who has invaded their body and mind?"

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