May 30 2012
"I know God loves me, but sometimes I get really lonely..."

Here's an email from this morning. I'd love to get your response, how you feel about this, perhaps borne of experience:

 

Hi Brant, I try to listen to ur show all the time when I am in an area where I can pick up the air 1 signal. God bless u for what u do on the air. U keep it real. In a world full of fakes, ur honesty & keeping things r like a breath of fresh air. Thanks!!

I have a question that id like u to ask air 1 listeners. But id like to keep my name anonymous please?? I want to know the honest (brutally honest) answer to this. R there any guys out there from late teens to to mid 30's that wud honestly give a girl a 2nd glance if she had a beautiful face but was overweight? Would they consider going out w someone like that? I have tried everything that I could to lose this weight. Excercise, dieting, working out, etc & nothing works. My dr says its my thyroid. It frustrates me.

R all guys shallow? Or is it just the guys in my area? I know God loves me, but sometimes I get really lonely & want someone special in my life. Don't fat girls need love to? I am like in love w my best friend but he doesn't even kno I'm there bcuz of my weight. Pls tell me the truth. I want to really know.

Thank u!! Air 1 Listener from Ohio

 

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5/30/2012 11:15:27 AM
Jen United States
Jen
I am in Texas, and I to suffer the same problem, and YES the majority of men are shallow. They don't care how good of a person you are, or that you would treat them right. They only want someone that looks great on the outside. Its a sad thing, but that is how society views being overweight, therefore men want skinny women..unless they are fat, homely men themselves. I have learned over the years that you can only depend on yourself for company, because you cant depend on a mortal man. I wish you luck in finding someone that will look past your flaws to see the person on the inside.
5/30/2012 11:17:02 AM
Abby United States
Abby
Yes, there are some guys out there who look past the outside. I am speaking from experience. My husband (now of 17 years) loved me for who I was not so much what I looked like. I have been over weight all my life. And I mean over 200lbs in a 5' body! They are few and far between but they do exist. Recently I have lost 106lbs and feel great. I would love to share how I changed my life and lost all the weight with you. you can drop me a line at abbysroad2011@gmail.com. God Bless you!
5/30/2012 11:26:00 AM
Lucinda United States
Lucinda
I sooooo know 100% where you're coming from. In 2010 I was recently divorced, overweight and really unhappy. I had two kids and had to start my life over. Started living my life for God, got back into church and turned my life around. God blessed me and my boys with an amazing man who is 6 years younger than me lol at the time I was 28. He just so happens to be in school to be a personal trainer...go figure lol God sure does know what you need! Here we are two years later married and have a beautiful baby girl. So all I can say to you sister is "Dance with God, and He'll let the perfect man cut in" Praying for you <3
5/30/2012 11:31:18 AM
Katie United States
Katie
Unfortunately my boyfriend and I recently broke up. However, one of the things I loved an appreciated most about him was that he told me often how perfect I look and how beautiful I am. For a while now I have been at my highest weight ever and don't really like the way I look, so you can imagine how much that meant to hear. Also, when he would see me without makeup he would pretty much tell me he preferred me that way, without my makeup (and I really don't wear a lot). Being 31 and still unmarried, I completely understand how you feel, but don't give up hope! Such guys do exist!
5/30/2012 11:36:24 AM
Jorge Rodriguez United States
Jorge Rodriguez
I'm a 34 yr old, happily married man. From a secular perspective, I'd like to point out that there are many beautiful women with weight problems. Some are even models (lane bryant clothing models, just as an example)just remember that these models don't look like that on a regular basis. As far as physical beauty is concerned, if you take care of yourself, and present a comfortable image, men will notice your beauty.

The answer to loneliness is meaningful relationships with fellow believers. If you are in a friendship relationship but want it to develop into something more, have you shared that with this person? I think you should... you can't maintain a meaningful friendship under false pretenses. I encourage you to prayerfully focus on having meaningful, platonic relationships with fellow Christians. When you take special interest in someone, make sure it is for good reasons, and then let them know. Sometimes the good guys need to know you are interested, just as much as you want to know they are.

I didn't meet my wife until I was 30. If I had seen her picture in a line up of all of the women I had met in my life... I would have given her a second look, yes... you know what really got me? When I got to know how amazing a woman she is. At the time it was only a glimmer (we worked together for a couple of months), but it was enough to know that I wanted to ask her to marry me. Since then, our marriage has been an explosion of discovery... and she is undoubtedly the most beautiful woman I know.

God is Good... all the time. His Love is sufficient... God bless.
5/30/2012 11:41:25 AM
chunky from tx United States
chunky from tx
I'm overweight, more than I care to be, my wife is a gorgeous God fearing woman...sometimes I wonder how she could love me and how I can even appeal to her. All I can think of is Gods grace. Laughing...and the fact that I can make her laugh so hard.

I liked her for years when we were friends working in youth ministry together, I thought I hid it so well, she later revealed that she so knew. Laughing. Anyhow one day after much praying I told her how I felt about her. She basically told me that we would never be more than friends. It broke me up, but then i remembered that since God is "working everything for our good". Then her rejection was actually a blessing cause God probably saw that we would make each other miserable. That gave me peace. And i whole heartedly for the first time ever thanked God for it. I called her back sometime afterward and let her know that i was cool with it cause God only wants the best for both of us. From that point on God gradually changed her heart and now we have 3 gorgeous small children.

I don't know if it is always supposed to work like that, but it did for me. Miracles do happen when you let God know how much you trust him, even now a days.
5/30/2012 11:43:12 AM
Emily United States
Emily
I am overweight too. I gained a lot of weight when I had my 2 kids, and afterwards I was very depressed and just kept gaining weight. I was in an unhealthy marriage and was alone all the time. By the time I realized this and got a divorce, I was at the heaviest thank I have ever been at. I am still overweight, trying to loose it but we both know how hard that is. I too always wondered about finding someone who truly would love me for me and not care about my body. I thought that would never happen. I got laid off from work a few weeks ago, after I got laid off I started to request a few friends on facebook of people I worked with so I didnt loose touch with anybody. There was someone that had always liked me at work but didnt do or say anything since we worked together. I was dumbfounded, I couldnt believe that he felt the same way I did. Nothing has happened yet, and even so I am the type of person to take things slow, but rest assured, there is someone out there for you. God knows who it is and when you will meet him. You just have to relax and put your faith in God that he will lead you to the person that will make your life complete and who is the best person to build a family with. Take care and never loose hope.
5/30/2012 11:49:30 AM
Michelle United States
Michelle
I'm not a guy, but a girl who has been lonely.  It's easier said than done, but if we can focus on God's will for our life rather than our personal desires then it allows God room to move in our lives.  

I don't know why I was so obsessed with getting married, and starting a family, but after high school it was my primary focus in life.  I married a guy who was not, and is still not, in a right relationship with Christ.  After our wedding I felt a deeper sense of loneliness than I'd ever felt before. It was disappointing to finally be married, and feel that much hurt in my heart still.

Just remember, people don't make us complete-God does.  I don't think we can be happy with someone until we learn to be happy with ourselves. I think it's human nature to think, "if I had ___, I'd be happy." That's just not true though, once we have ___, there will always be something else that we long for.

5/30/2012 12:00:40 PM
Stephanie United States
Stephanie
1st, don't be in a hurry!  Guys mature slower and someone that maybe shallow now, could grow up and realize some things.

You can think you've found the perfect match at any age, weight, height, etc!  You may end up divorced!  You have to make sure they are who they say they are!  It is plain hard!

2nd, my brother, who is skinny, 6'2' and I thought cute, for a brother!, LOL, married a girl I thought was all wrong for him!  She was cocky, fat and I just didn't like her!  He's been married to her for 20+ years now!  She loved herself!  Fat, sassy, little bitch, but loved herself!  She is the BEST sister-in-law and has been the greatest thing for my brother!  He liked her for a reason.  

You maybe lonely, but find strength in friends, church, work, doing things.  LOVE YOURSELF!  Whatever you do, you have to learn to love YOU, like God loves YOU!  That's your lesson!  When you love yourself, become that fat, sassy, cocky woman, sure of yourself, a man will come.  Turn him away if he doesn't meet your criteria!  Be picky, because the right one will come!

Patience my dear, and give yourself a break, and a hug!
5/30/2012 12:01:08 PM
Christina United States
Christina
I know what you mean. And honestly maybe I shouldn't be writing a response because I have become very cynical and negative over the last few years. Especially when it comes to relationships and appearances.

With all the crap that gets shoved in our faces and sometimes crammed down our throats on a daily basis it's hard to believe that anyone, except maybe your Mom, doesn't care what you look like. Thank God for Moms.

I'm 34 now and am to the point that I just don't care anymore what people 'think' of me based on my appearance or personality even. I've never been very thin, always a tom boy, not exactly the social butterfly either. I get lonely too, but try not to succumb to the emotion of it....that just takes you down roads that shouldn't be traveled.

To say that 'christian' guys are anymore accepting and less shallow than the great majority of secular men overstating reality in my opinion. I do believe that there are wonderful, christian men out there- somewhere- but I think they are the norm.

Shallowness is everywhere. Even I'm shallow. It's just life.

I think the greatest thing in life is to be content with yourself and more interested in what God thinks of you than someone else. Not sure we're all called to be married (and how many times has that argument been run into the ground) but that is OK. Marriage isn't an end to a means. It doesn't fix anything, probably just amplifies issues.

Yeah. I'm a relationship curmudgeon. Sorry. I just hate that you even have to wrestle with these questions and feelings. I am sure you are an awesome person with a lot to offer. Don't let all this skin deep junk bring you down.
5/30/2012 12:11:54 PM
Jason Thompson United States
Jason Thompson
Oh how blessed you are to have such an advantage!  When you find your husband, he will be a quality man since he will love you with his heart.  You may not believe this, but he will love your body too.

After some bad dating experiences I grew a long unruely shaggy beard to repel the vain and shallow women.  It worked. My wife and I are still madly in love with each other today.  Neither of us are perfect, we both need to get healthier, but we are enjoying this great adventure together.
5/30/2012 12:13:26 PM
Becky United States
Becky
I think that you need to find your indenity in Christ first. I understand how hard that is because I've delt with low self esteem issues. Just be who you are. I am sure that their is a man out there who will love you and find you beautiful. But you need to remember that God sees you as beautiful.
5/30/2012 12:13:38 PM
CheeseDoodleBandit United States
CheeseDoodleBandit
Awhile ago, there was this picture going around on Facebook that I think fits here.  It said "one day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else."

God it in control, Anonymous Woman.  Please remember that.
5/30/2012 12:20:28 PM
Candida United States
Candida
I think you can substitute anything in your question.  I.e. I'm dumb, but will anyone love me?  I have bad, bad acne, but will anyone love me? Etc.  You should first search God.  Become a Godly woman and the correct mate will find you irresistible.  It's somewhat important to be attractive on the outside, but your main goal is to beautiful on the inside.  As a woman, am I to be valued because of my size, hair, skin tone?  No!  I am valued by my character.  I know I am not at the desired weight, but my boyfriend instead sees my character and says I glow.  You can chalk this up to, you haven't met him yet.  I'm sorry your best friend doesn't see your beauty.  He might be thick headed, but I'm sure once someone else comes along... He'll think to himself, "Wow, I missed out!"
5/30/2012 12:20:51 PM
Daniel United Kingdom
Daniel
I'm rather disappointed that more men haven't responded. So, while I may not have the years of experience (I'm only in my late teens), I, as a guy, can speak from where I'm at, take it or leave it.

Here's my grain of salt: If a guy only loves you for the outward appearance, he's not worth your time. Really, even if you were voted the most beautiful/slimmest girl ever, but had no attractive character underneath which he loved more, how long would your marriage last? When hairs start going grey and wrinkles come, will he still want you? I've heard speakers like Josh McDowell or Mark Driscoll say "Your wife is your standard of beauty." No matter what you look like, he should be fine with it, or he's not worth your time.

But to answer your question, yes there are guys out there who would give an "overweight" woman a second look--I'd like to consider myself as one. Granted, if a guy already knew she had a gold heart, things would be even easier. One of my best friends would be considered "overweight" by some. She and I are just friends, but I guaranty that if we decided to date/court, her weight would make no difference to me. Really and honestly, I don't see it as an issue, because the only times I really ever notice her weight is when somebody else mentions it; when I look at my friend, I see her heart and character, not her body. In my mind, that's how it should be, regardless of the nature of the relationship.

Oh yeah, and if anyone were to ask if my friend is beautiful (on the outside), I'm pretty sure my answer would be "Um. Yeah, [as in, 'that's a stupid question']"...and I'd say it honestly, referring to inside and out. So take heart. Just because you've only run into shallow guys, doesn't mean that there aren't any noble, real men out there.
5/30/2012 12:22:14 PM
Stephanie United States
Stephanie
Oh, honey, first off, hugs to you (and also to Jen above, whose comments broke my heart).  I know exactly where you're coming from, I was always the overweight girl who fell in love with her male best friends, who in turn only wanted to date my skinny friends.  I don't know how old you are now, but I know that in high school, that's such a lonely feeling. Honestly, it doesn't get easier even when you're older.  But I can assure you, God has someone for you, someone who will find you beautiful both inside and out.  

Yes, there are guys who don't mind the extra weight, wonderful caring guys capable of mature, loving relationships, not the shallow immature boys that can't see past the outside. God brought my husband to me when I was ready for him, and He'll do the same for you.

My advice to you at this point would be to seek Jesus wholeheartedly.  He is really the only one who can fill up that lonely ache, and the true groom we were intended for. When you begin to focus on your relationship with Him, suddenly you'll feel a completeness that you didn't have before.  That kind of internal contentedness is very alluring, and very beautiful to behold.

Again, God will send you the man intended for you when you are ready.  In the meantime, don't ever stop praying for him, and praying for God to grow you into the kind of woman who will be the kind of wife you want to be.  
5/30/2012 12:22:23 PM
Brant H United States
Brant H
THANK YOU for the responses.  Please keep them coming.

Something else that may be worth discussing, though not as important as the other issues here. Let's say a man has this understanding, upon meeting a woman, or vice-versa:  

"I'm not physically attracted to this person - for whatever reason - and that's important to me in a potential marriage."

Is this necessarily "shallow"?  As a married man, I don't think it is.
5/30/2012 12:28:12 PM
Jamey United States
Jamey
No Brant, I don't think it's necessarily shallow. If that is the only metric the person uses to determine if someone is a fit, then yes, I would say they are being pretty shallow.
5/30/2012 12:39:14 PM
Daniel United States
Daniel
Yes, a guy can be in love with and totally attracted to a woman who is considered to be overweight.  Men do have preferences and not all men will find you attractive.

My advise is to not worry so much about a guy that doesn't pay attention to you.  If he doesn't see your true beauty then he isn't really worth it anyway.

Remember, Jesus Christ made you exactly how he wants you to be and he finds you perfect in every way.  That thought you need to cling to, smile about it, and live your life for him; not some guy
5/30/2012 12:41:35 PM
David United States
David
Let me give you some hope.  I have been married to a beautiful but overweight woman for 28 years.  While I have have some concerns about her health related to her weight, I would NEVER in any way make her feel unattractive because of it.  In fact, I think she is the most beautiful woman I know.  There are guys with the maturity to see beyond the surface and be attracted to godly character.  Let God become the great love of your life, and He will take care of the rest.
5/30/2012 12:43:22 PM
Cass United States
Cass
YES!!! There are men out there that see internal beauty first. My boyfriend is one of them. I have been heavy since my son was born almost 7 years ago, my weight also has to do with my thyroid. When I met my boyfriend I asked him what he saw in me that no one else did, and he told me that my inside beauty was so strong that it made my outside beauty shine. So keep your head up, keep praying and you will find someone. Just remember you can't rely on anyone else but you and Jesus to make you happy. And if you follow this all around you will see the change.
5/30/2012 12:43:31 PM
Kathryn United States
Kathryn
I know I have had similar problems, but here is my answer: YES. I know there are times where it may not seem likely, but I have been there. My Mom always told me this in times of doubt: If they only care that you're overweight, then they are NOT worth your time. I always assumed that she was just saying that to make me feel better, but this fall, a really nice guy asked me out! I have come to this conclusion: If God made a young person who wants to be in a relationship, who wants a family, etc., then he will definitely make a person for you. sometimes you just have to weed out the much before you find him! Weight is not everything, so keep looking. I have also, however, heard of guys who think a little weight on a girl is attractive. So keep those spirits up, and keep looking!
5/30/2012 12:43:41 PM
Lance United States
Lance
It's not a matter of being shallow - at least not for me. I think big can be beautiful. However, it's a matter of lifestyle for most. As someone who should be in the mid 100's for weight, I hit 205 pounds ONCE. I hated it. I didn't like myself being that out of shape. I set my mind to change it and with God's grace, I have. I hit 160 within months. I am now back to 175. I am not a big, muscular guy, but I am athletic. I play disc golf at least two times per week. I am looking for someone. Would I accept a "bigger" lady? Yes. Would I want to share my favorite sport? Yes. Would she find it easy or fun to play? Likely not. I, in turn, don't think it would be fair to her to give her false hope of a relationship if we can't meet on the same level. If we can't exercise together. If we can't be "one flesh" together. Motivation changes thing. Prayer changes things. Getting up, moving and eating less helps A LOT. That's all I have done. The weight didn't come off easily. It went back on very quickly when I slowed down, however.

Don't be mad at the "skinny guys" for not accepting you for who you are. They do. They likely just don't see that you and they would have much in common. That's likely all there is to it. Meet someone on common ground: church, sports, hobby, club, etc. Common interests shared is a great way to meet someone.

Going to take my own advice,

Lance : )
5/30/2012 12:44:15 PM
Jeremy Poling United States
Jeremy Poling
To be attractive to a man you have to share who you really are inside on the outside. So many women who aren't happy with their appearance hide their personality. Don't hide who you are. Share your likes and dislikes. Stop comparing yourself with other people. Make sure you are open minded as well. Be as confident in your appearance as you can. Most importantly realize that someone is out there who will accept you for exactly who you are. Never give up hope. With God anything is possible. Have patience and trust that He will provide.
5/30/2012 12:45:24 PM
Cody K. United States
Cody K.
My name is Cody and I have never ever had a problem with finding an overweight woman as unattractive unless its to the extreme. In fact, my longest and most serious relationship ever was with a woman I found to be so beautiful while others, unfortunately herself included, called her fat or overweight. I always defended her because I knew how beautiful she was despite her size. Being overweight doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be beautiful. I say to just ignore those who tell you otherwise and find the guy who finds you beautiful and keep him. Good luck and God bless.
5/30/2012 12:45:48 PM
Brittany United States
Brittany
I had the same problem and almost gave up asking God why he made me the way he did because no matter what I tried it didn't seem to work...what I was missing was my self confidence because my relationship with God was also not as well as I saw it should have been..I didn't go looking for love but once I strengthened my relationship with God the most beautiful man walked into my life and refused to let me go..he too had what he felt a broken relationship with God and he sought to strengthen his relationship with God aswell just to make his way into my heart..and we are now set to be married...I am happy to have found someone who loves me for me...God really did make someone for you but love is Patient, love is strong...love  is God <3 I hope you are glad to know that you are not the only one out there and that your time will come I know it's hard but patience will pay off and when I feel lonely..God always reminds me that he too is there and will never leave you Laughing
5/30/2012 12:46:39 PM
Mrs. T United States
Mrs. T
Let me just start by saying, I am a plus sized girl, average over 275lbs and I feel big and beautiful. Not all guys are shallow. SOME are! This is because of self esteem issues with them. When God thinks it's right, he will guide you to someone that will love you unconditionally. I have always been a big girl. Some guys are totally not into that. But some, like my husband, love from the inside out. It's all in God's timing. Trust me, I wasn't looking for my husband when he came around. Honestly, I could care less about dating. And then he happened. I haven't looked back since. You are beautiful and do NOT let anyone tell you different! I know some times it does get lonely, but know this....no matter what you will always have at least ONE man that loves you, GOD! He created you just how he wanted. So trust that! Good luck honey! God's will be done!

Mrs. T

Met my hubby in March 2010, Married him in January 2011 and we are expecting our first child December 2012!
5/30/2012 12:46:45 PM
Peter United States
Peter
Dear Listener,

I am a thirty year old male who is engaged to a wonderful strong Christian woman.  

Let me be up front and honest, she is overweight as well.  I have asked her on occasion if she was excited that we started to date and if she dreamed I would propse to her and her answer is a horrible realistic approach that unfortunately many women encounter, that is she never thought it would happen and had her hopes up before and since it never came to pass, she defended her feelings against it by not thinking it will ever happen.  I love her to death.  I adore her daily.  

To answer your question, yes, there are people how will not only give someone a second look, but never stop thinking about them.  I know as a male I don't have the answers to give you on how to overcome these feelings, but all I can say is that it is truly in God's timing.  Not only did we date, but we are soon to be married and her weight is only a concern for health reasons, never was it an issue for my attraction to her.  I would be happy to talk to you more if you would ever need someone to talk to.

My fiance knows first hand the pain that you are going through.  Understand that God has someone for you.  My fiance is a beautiful person and I'm sure you are too.  Be confident in who you are, it truly is the most attractive quality anyone can have.  
5/30/2012 12:46:53 PM
Jeremy United States
Jeremy
Mandisa sings a great song called "True Beauty," please listen to it if you get a chance.  I am a 35 year old single man and I believe that "true beauty" comes from the inside.  Not all men are shallow, hang in there!  God has someone in store for you that will be a true gentleman and love you for who you are inside.  There is an old saying that goes a long way, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."  God bless you and I believe God has someone really special for you.  Sincerely, Jeremy.  
5/30/2012 12:47:38 PM
Adam United States
Adam
I think physical attraction is important in a marriage. But there is a VERY fine line between Love and Lust when it comes to Attraction. If you love someone because your attracted to them, its lust. If you are attracted to someone because you love them, it's love. If you meet the one God destined for you, you will be attracted to them no matter what they look like.
5/30/2012 12:48:05 PM
Veronica United States
Veronica
I had been overweight teen myself and was friends with guys that never showed me any attention. I had to learn to love me for me first. I had lost weight and even then I wasn't satified about the attention I received. I just wanted someone to see who I was and be happy with me no matter what the outside looked like. My path never seemed to go the way I wanted because I thought the outside was important but it wasn't. I was hididng alot things that I needed to heal from to find what love really is and to be able to give it. It really comes down to the love you find yourself with God. He shows us how to open us to love ourselves and others.
5/30/2012 12:48:28 PM
Lydia VanDerKamp United States
Lydia VanDerKamp
I am actually going through this right now as well.  And, sadly, some guys are very shallow.  I am 26 years old, and I would say I am a beautiful person inside and out.  I may not be a supermodel, but that's ok.  Being overweight has nothing to do with it for many guys.  I have actually talked to some of my guy friends, and most of them don't care.  I think we tend to think we are the only ones going through this lonely battle, but that is a lie from the devil.  The enemy wants you to doubt God. But God knows the desires of your heart.  He wants to bless you, but we have to wait on His perfect timing.  Remember we were not there when He created the world.  He knows what He is doing.  It can be a lonely depressing battle, but every day, you must put on the armor of God and learn to love and see yourself as God does.  Then, the light that shines through you will surely attract the right person.  I liked a guy for 6 years, and he just started dating someone else, and that was really hard.  But, it was also an answer to my prayer that he is not the one.  Also, finding friends that will encourage you can help.  I know I don't have a strong support system right now, but that can surely help.  Please know that you are not the only one going through this.  Many single men and women are all going through this.  Believe in God's promises.  
5/30/2012 12:49:29 PM
Rozi United States
Rozi
hey! i'm 19 and, i heard of this on the radio and wanted to tell you that not all guys are shallow. i myself consider myself overweight. i've struggled all my life with my weight, and still do. i've tried everything possiable to lose weight and i'm getting no where. i had plenty of friends online but once they saw me they wanted nothing to do with me. i felt like i was just a pretty face....

i hope that you will take this to heart and keep praying and keep your chin up,

i just want to encourage you because God made you the way you are, we might not like it but He knows what He wants with you. I'm married to a wonderful man who loves me and i know God will bring a man into your life who you thought never exsited, wish we could be friendsSmile please dont let this delima get in the way of living your life the way God wants you to!! with love, Rozi Laughing
5/30/2012 12:49:47 PM
SUSAN ERHARD United States
SUSAN ERHARD
I was just listening to the radio and heard your story. I believe that GOD makes all of us beautiful and we are all special to him. I am also going through some painfull issues in my life and I pray every day and I know God hears me. I feel lonely too and I have someone in my life and I still feel lonely and unloved. Anyway I want to say keep praying sweetie and God is going to bless you with someone good in your life. Also sometimes when we just quit looking for a while and give it all to God he will lead someone to you when you least expect it. I hope I have helped even if only a little. If you need a friend I am here for you. lonliness is hard I know how you feel hang in there and I will be praying for you.
5/30/2012 12:51:27 PM
Shawn United States
Shawn
Brant, Unfortunately men of that age are still somewhat shallow. Most will never admit that, but society today has them with the belief that someone has to be beautiful on the outside. Some men dont have the confidence that it takes to date someone who isnt what society thinks is "pretty". I'll admit that I was that way for those years of my life. Only when I got older did I realize all the people I missed getting to know, because of my judgmental ways. By pre-judging someone for their appearance you miss out on getting to know some very wonderful people. My current wife is undertall. (She'd kill me if I said she was overweight) But once I got to know her as a person, she changed my life.
Society tells us to judge by outward appearence.
God shows us to love everyone the same, even the ones we dont think are as good as us. He also instructed us to Love our enemies as well. Kind of a tall order.
So, how do eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Show Gods love as often as you can. You'll be amazed what you get in return.
5/30/2012 12:51:47 PM
Chris United States
Chris
As a married man in his 30's, I would have to say that my reaction to this post comes from two angles.  Initially, my human, gut reaction tells me that I am not sure whether I would take the time to consider a romantic relationship with a woman who was overweight.  I guess that could make me shallow.  I certainly have no movie star looks of my own.  For me, I have learned that having a spouse who values their appearance and health is very important to me.  I certainly am not implying that the woman who wrote to you does not value her appearance or health. On the other hand, my spouse's beliefs and values were much more important to me than her looks.  But if I search my heart and consider would I have committed my life to hers before God 10 years ago if she was 5'2" and weighed 250 pounds, I don't have an ironclad answer.  Maybe I am much more shallow than I would care to admit.  I'm not sure. It's a hard call because unfortunately many men, including myself at times, are too visual and too focused on outward looks.  
  My heart aches for this woman in her times of loneliness.  It's easy to say God is sufficient, but yet remembering dark days of my own, this type of advice feels like cold comfort. I pray that the Air1 listener finds comfort with God during this difficult time in her life.  
5/30/2012 12:52:18 PM
Mark United States
Mark
I myself am a little overweight and have had to deal with the ridicule since I was young.  I am 39 years old and have had a few longer relationships and half of them were with full sized women. I can tell you that the initial encounter was judged not by size, but by how the person carries themselves personality wise and confidence.  I have connected more deeply with a person with an awesome personality and have found beauty in all of them.  I am currently in my second marriage with a plus size woman and have come to realize that all my failed relationships before were to prepare me for the one that the Lord put me in now. I have always thought myself to be a non typical male since my friends and I never really saw eye to eye on such matters.  All I can suggest to anyone who is lonely is to remember, we are all the "bride of Christ" and we should find happiness in that and wait patiently for the one that the Lord has for us.  That is the relationship that will endure, the one ordained and sanctioned by God.  God bless you Annonymous.
5/30/2012 12:52:37 PM
Rachel United States
Rachel
Oh, sweet girl!

I totally understand. I'm still waiting too, but I just have to believe that God's timing is as perfect as His love. There is someone out there for you, someone so wonderful you couldn't even dream him up! In the meantime, I would suggest reading Elisabeth Elliot's book "Loneliness". It brought me a lot of comfort, so if you like to read, you might try it.

~Rachel
5/30/2012 12:53:02 PM
Thomas Hanson United States
Thomas Hanson
i been lookink for someone to be eith i don't care if a girl is a little weght because god made us in his image anf made us beatiful out lf dust
5/30/2012 12:54:32 PM
Ashley United States
Ashley
I can speak from experience boys have never given me a second look not because i have a weight problem but i am not the stero typical pretty i have recently had a boyfriend dump me for a girl who was prettier on the outside even though she didnt want him and it broke me on the inside i cried thinking no one loved or wanted me but then i remebered jesus love me not for my apperance but for my spirit and soul and that is what really matters. all i really have left to say on this is dont ever let those shallow people who judge you because of how you look get to you if they cant see you as the beauty that god put in you heart and spirit the arent worth your pain. those people deserve our pity. if they only judge on apperance they will never see all the beauty god has put in this world. never forget that you are beautiful no matter how you look on the outside because that is how god made you.
5/30/2012 12:58:17 PM
Andre'a United States
Andre'a
Thyroid Problems - one of the top 10 misdiagnosed conditions.  Please, please, please - keep God focused.  Thyroid conditions cause so many other problems - it can over-whelm you.

When I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism - I had 3" multi-nodular goiters (either surgery or radioactive iodine treatment), I knew God, but did not have a healthy relationship with anyone - I was not yet saved.  Through self education, allowing doctors to "practice" medicine on me, getting blood drawn every month - and weekly as needed, going from a size 4 to a size 24 in 6 months. Some long term side effects - hysterectomy, sever depression. It has been a roller-coaster.

Please remember a couple of things on the way ... 1) God gave this to you, because He knows you can handle it; 2) He wants you to depend on Him through all things.

If you want a husband in the future - then begin praying for him.  Communicate with God, ask God to show you the qualities of your future husband and to provide those qualities to your future husband.  Also, pray that you are the wife that God wants you to be for your future husband.

While you are doing this, continue to move forward.  If you like going to the movies, then go by yourself.  If you want to take a trip, or learn how to do something new (what ever it is)- DO IT, Move Forward!!! God did not bring His people to the desert and not provide for them, READ EXODUS.  
God gives talents to all, He gives more and more to those of us that accept the challenge to trust God and move forward.
I am now happily married.  I even own a dog, first time as an adult! I volunteer. (just giving you some of my blessings, because I did feel just like you are feeling - I have walked in your shoes) Your happiness will come, because you are a child of GOD.  He Promises!
God Bless You. Andrea
5/30/2012 12:58:28 PM
Danielle United States
Danielle
hey, girl.  i am overweight--have been my whole life.  i know exactly what you're going through because i went through it too.  i finally met the right guy and now we've been married for 2 1/2 years and are expecting our first baby.  
please don't give up.  i felt like giving up all the time.  i just kept praying for God to send me to the right person and He finally did.  
there is someone out there just for you and please believe that.  please listen to the song "someday" by larue.  that helped me.  Smile
5/30/2012 1:00:27 PM
Julie United States
Julie
Hi, although I understand the loneliness I truly feel if one finds a way to put their effort into helping others they may be able to gain true joy and perspective that they are not alone and they are needed and loved by those they help!
5/30/2012 1:00:39 PM
Kevin Morris United States
Kevin Morris
Very simply, remember this. Christ knows your pain. Remember on the cross, He cried out asking why God had forsaken Him, in His moment of need, Christ experienced loneliness. The feelings of unworthiness, or feeling unaccepted comes from the devil. However, as Jobe did, use it for victory. Take heart in that the devil asked God, let me have your child in Ohio, I bet I can get her to lose her faith and denounce you in her life. God says "Go ahead, she'll stand the test!!" I pray for you, and know that you are a PERFECT creation made by God for a specific purpose, no one else can do what He needs you to do. Enjoy the ride.
5/30/2012 1:00:54 PM
marianne United States
marianne
I'm a 50 yo woman. I have been overweight all my life. I have struggled with hypothyroidism for years but didn't know it until a year ago...go figure. I never thought I was pretty. I always wanted to fit in but found myself on the outside looking in at the pretty ones who got the good- looking guys.

When I started going to church I met this guy, who after a few years became my husband. He, honestly, wasn't totally good-looking at all, but it was his personality that drew me to him. He treated me with so much respect, opened my doors, pulled out my chair for me, sent me flowers, that sort of thing that he still does after 27 years of marriage. The man that God has for you will LOVE you for WHO you are and WILL NOT want to change you.

Before I married my husband, I was engaged to a man that told me to grow up and quit acting like a 2 yo. The comment was extreme since I wasn't acting that way but I did what he said. My friends started noticing the difference and wondered what happened to me. After awhile I figured out he didn't love me, he loved himself.

Sweet one, I will tell you that whether you are 25 pounds or 250 pounds overweight, your beauty is held in the Father's eyes. When you completely comprehend this, you will see your situation in a whole different light. I speak from experience. I was extremely mentally abused by my dad and it took years for me to understand that God is head-over-heels in love with me and finds me more beautiful than anything. (And that goes for all you guys and gals out there.) I still don't like being overweight, but I am more secure in who I am as a whole because of my husband and my heavenly Father.

God bless you, girl! I'll be praying for you.
5/30/2012 1:01:03 PM
Tony United States
Tony
Unfortunately, 99% of guys(and women) do need physical attraction in order to fall in love. I am 33, tall, thin, blue eyes, am told that I'm good looking, and yet I've been utterly alone for years. I don't know why. Ive tried and tried, but nothing works. My only idea is that God has other plans for me, but he knows I'm suffering deeply and I feel abandoned. I keep my faih, but it is faltering. I work hard and try to be a good father when my son is here, but I must be doing somehing wrong beause I feel like I've been punished for years. I'm sorry...I kinda turned this into something about me, but I just found this station today and I think I needed it...needed to get some things off of my chest.

Its funny. God is speaking to me as I type with the song that is playing now, "get me out of my mind, its not about me". I'm just so lost. I dont even have any friends to talk to. I haven't spoken a word today and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I guess what I want to say to you is that lonlieness spans many skies and hurts many hearts. I would date you, regardless of any physical attributes, just to feel a connection with someone, but most people are shallow and cold.
5/30/2012 1:03:33 PM
Mark United States
Mark
As a response to your last blog Brant; A physical attraction is important in a relationship because as the Scriptures tell us, if we do not come together with our spouse, we make way for satan to come between.  That being said, I do not beleive it should be the main factor to starting a relationship.  Your connection with the person on personality levels and beleifs are the cake.  The physical attraction is the icing.  We all know that cake is always better with icing but cake is good itself too.
5/30/2012 1:03:35 PM
Michael Murphy United States
 Michael Murphy
You are loved god loves you! I have battled loneliness my whole life. I have Never have had a girlfriend. I use to weight 425 & by Gods grace I know weigh 245. The best thing you can do is take a risk. Ask your friend if he has true feelings, for, you or is it just a friendship. The, friend zone is the worst I know. From my experience alot of women are shallow. I'm praying god will bring my future wife in my life in his time not mine. What I have learned is take a risk and you'll meet, jesus. Mans  rejection is gods direction. Honestly I feel I'll be alone for the rest of my life but I believe god has the perfect one for me. In his time he will reveal her to me. LOOKS do not matter what so ever! True beauty is imperfection. You are beautiful and loved. Just the way the lord made you. I know its hard to be  lonely but it will be worth it in the long run. I lost the weight by writing everything down and excerise. It took me a year in, a half  to lose that much weight. I didn't consult a doctor I just made a change and decided I didn't want to be heavy anymore.  I had to change my lifestyle and not just try dieting. Dieting dosnt work. Changing your lifestyle does! May GOF BLESS you and he will provide you with your soulmate in his time. Much love from your fellow brother in Christ! I hope that helps.
5/30/2012 1:04:13 PM
Michael Murphy United States
 Michael Murphy
*GOD
5/30/2012 1:04:44 PM
Shannon Faulkner United States
Shannon Faulkner
My husband saw my heart before he saw my body. We connected in a very unusual way and he fell in love with who I am as a person. This is only because of Jesus and His very unique way of getting His kids to be one flesh. You have to love yourself, just as you are before God can bring you someone to love. It seems like a pretty easy thing to say, I know, especially since I am in love and married now. But every one of us have our own struggles with becoming who God has created us to be.

My husband is a gorgeous man admired by not just me, but many, many others too. (I have actually witnessed a young woman looking so hard at him that she tripped and fell.) I am 41 and about 30lbs overweight. His love complements my love for what God has created in me, and I complement his. This is the kind of love you want... I promise you.
5/30/2012 1:05:05 PM
Tammy United States
Tammy
Well, I would look at what type of guys you are interested in?  Maybe a perspective change is all you need... there are many great guys out there who do not care about weight, just be careful not to lump men all in the same category- be careful not to judge the guys the same way as you think they are judging you---  I also believe in lots of prayer and thanking the Lord for the friends he has blessed you with in your life now...-- God is always with you and you are never alone Smile jmho~ hang in there!
5/30/2012 1:06:39 PM
Marelou Canada
Marelou
I was frustrated in the past with the whole dating field. I did struggle with weight after high school but I got in shape after that and although people treated me a bit differently it didn't increase the amount of looks I got from people. My biggest problem is that I struggle with confidence in myself.

When I got the guts to just stop being shy and just meeting new people, it made me realize that no matter how many times I got rejected it lead me closer to the one that was meant for me.

I used to wonder and constantly pray about it because I was wanting to find the right one for me, but as I heard before that sometimes with all that rejection, God just has a different plan or road for you.

Although the road was long for me, it did lead me to my husband.
It was all because I didn't give up as much as I wanted to. It took a while to get to know my husband because he was just as shy as me but I still got to know him. It was me who asked him out, then it evolved from there.

He truly loves me for me, it didn't matter what I wear or any thing like that. He just loves me for me which is the best feeling in the world.

God had a plan for me and it fit into place and I know it will for you too.
I hope that helps you Smile
5/30/2012 1:06:49 PM
josh United States
josh
unfortunately,alot of people out there are shallow,both men and women. i too have spent all my life never truly finding someone who shared the same opinion as me,that the true beauty of someone does not lie in the way one looks,but instead lies in the greatness of someones heart. Its all about personality,not physical appearence. Someone who is kind and gentle,no matter what they look like,is always going to be worth it.
5/30/2012 1:08:42 PM
Kevin United States
Kevin
I am a 24 year male.
Biologically guys are very visually stimulated. Beautiful women will catch our eye, but please don't mistake this for what all guys are looking for in a girlfriend. I spent a few years learning the hard way that what I wanted in a wife. I dated several girls before I realized that one of my close female friends was exactly what I needed.  Looks catch the eye but personality, character, and a love for Christ are things that will matter most to any Christian guy who is seriously looking for a wife. I understand that you may not meet our cultural standard of beauty, but don't let that stand in the way of finding someone. Guys can be hard headed, immature, and following their eyes and not their hearts. I did it, I know other guys do it, it is so easy. I love my fiancee's heart. It is her most attractive quality. I can see her genuine love for Christ and those around her, especially youth.
To answer your questions. No not all guys are shallow, but most guys need to mature before they are ready for serious relationships. Please don't your loneliness as a reason to settle for less than the best that God has for you. I have tried that, and though it will be very very hard at times, I assure you that it is worth the wait. My advice to you is this. Look at your heart, is it beautiful? If so, find ways to let your love for Him and others show. If not work on that area first and He will do the rest.
5/30/2012 1:11:40 PM
jessica United States
jessica
hey lovely lady.
I read some of the coments before and dont know what i can add that they didnt say, but i'll just agree with some.
You are LOVED so much by the creator of the universe! Its a hard thing to understand and get a grasp on his perfect love because of our human desires to be held and talked to (or at least I feel that want).
I know where you are right now, I am over weight and single. It is very hard to feel Gods love when the world is in your face about being single and the need to sleep around. This is a very empty love the world offers.
Dont give up hope. I know its hard, but God would not have you in this place if he knew you couldnt handle it.
Also remember that Your 'husbend' might not be ready to know you, he may not be the man God has planned for you yet. HE might be fighting his own battles on his way to you. Also you might not be ready. That was a hard thing for me to accept, knowing that i was not the woman after Gods heart that would be ready for a man. Maybe your there, maybe you are ready, only God knows where your heart is.
I encourage you to keep reaching for christ and let him love you the only way a truly perfect God can. Let him embrace you and teach you. Let him work on your heart and give you peace.
Try to get the most out of your singleness. Do what ever you can to Glorify God and furthur His kingdom. Singleness is over looked in our society. It is a blessing, we just have to see it as that. Its hard I know, but God has a plan for us and we need to take that step of faith knowing that our singleness is truly ment for Gods work.
Blessings,
Your sister in Christ Jessica
5/30/2012 1:12:00 PM
Rain United States
Rain
I am amazed by the courage you had to come forward with this. I know where you're coming from.. I am over weight as well, 20 years old & have never been in a relationship + most guys I knew weren't very... good?(Can't find the word) I asked myself all the time why that was & if every guy was like my father or step grand father.. I finally hit rock bottom. Only by Jesus can I see what I see now.
Psalm 45:10-11
"Listen, O daughter, consider & give ear. Forget your people, & your father's house. The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him for He is your Lord."
I still am single & will remain so until Jesus places the chosen one in my life or if he's in my life & I don't know it, He'll open our eyes to move forward. It's not wrong to feel lonely sometimes I still do, Jesus has someone for you I promise. If there weren't then He wouldn't have given you the feel of need for someone special.
5/30/2012 1:12:21 PM
i am nothing and nobody United States
i am nothing and nobody
not all men are shallow. i have spent most of my life with overweight women. ive been with a few smaller women but.... to me there is no such thing as a "ugly" woman as there is something to be found in them such as a beautiful personality, or a beautiful smile, pretty teeth. you have to remind yourself that there is always someone out there that wil give a second look. dont rush it. who cares if someone wont look at you a second time? only YOU do. they dont care obviously, otherwise they would look at you a second time. dont worry about them. worry about you. and dont worry about being overweight. it happens. some pepolep worry about losing weight. you should try to be me! i just wish i could gain weight but im destined to always be some scrawny weak dude who really is nothing to anyone. so we are in the same boat....kind of! i odnt know you but i still love you and i hope all works out. they say good things come to those who wait. just wait.
5/30/2012 1:14:22 PM
Shanda Sauder Canada
Shanda Sauder
Awe, this email made me cry a little and also completely relate! i actually thought Brant was telling my story for a minute. I am 23 years old, still single, very overweight (not just those extra couple pounds)and a single mom. and i get the feeling of being lonely. and what makes it worse is when people make you feel like you arent close to God because you are feeling lonely-God made Adam and then he realized "it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone" the bible speaks of 3 types of love: the love we have between us and God, the love of friends, and the intimate and physical love from a spouse. Unless called to be alone (like paul), we are made for intimate close companionship with another person. It is true we need to be dependant on God for the things only He can supply, but when the time comes where you are ready to have a partner, and they all turn their noses up because you're too "fat", it can definitely hurt and make you feel ugly. i know exactly what you're feeling, and i will be keeping you in my prayers girl!! when the right man does come along, though, the wait will only make you appreciate him more. If you wanted to talk more with me about this struggle and journey, feel free to email me kittenzoe@hotmail.com. blessings!!
5/30/2012 1:15:16 PM
Brandon United States
Brandon
Former "shallow guy" perspective here...first and foremost, you can't look for a soul mate. We all have one true companion for our soul, the same one, the only guy who ever lived and was truly perfect. If you can embrace His love for you, and value yourself as much as He does you, that confidence and self-worth will become infectious, and heads will turn. Even those culture considers the prettiest are maddeningly annoying if they're insecure about themselves and always seeking validation. Know you're loved, know what God's given for you. That needs to be you first love always, even if there's someone else to share that love with as well.
5/30/2012 1:17:41 PM
Kimberly United States
Kimberly
I have struggled with my weight all my life. I have been in a few relationships that were bad and I stayed in them because I didn't believe I deserved anything better.  I finally divorced and I spent 3 years by myself and in that time I learned that God loves me just the way I am and in His eyes I am perfect. I finally started believing what God new all along. Now I have a Fiancé that tells me how beautiful I am. You need to realize that you are perfect just the way you are and God will send you someone that loves you for you. Don't get discouraged.
5/30/2012 1:18:30 PM
Samantha United States
Samantha
Well I am in a different but same boat. I have stuggled with my weight throughout my life. But it is not over weight it is under weight. Yes us skinny girls have problems too.I have 6 children 3 boys and 3 girls and people look at me weird. I dont know if it is because I look like I have the brady bunch or my weight or because I am white with children that have darker skin than mine or what! See how are minds tend to driffed on and on. Just be yourself love yourself and dont worry about your weight. You are trying to hard on the guy thing. God has a special someone for you at the right time and if he doesnt enjoy your life anyway. I have a funny story. My boyfriend and I went to the store to buy clothes for ourselfs because we tend to always buy for the kids, anyways we both had trouble he couldnt find his size because he is a big man and me anytime I shop for myself I have to go to the teens department.  Anyways just remember this verse psalm139;14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well Amen.......
5/30/2012 1:19:05 PM
jesse curtis United States
jesse curtis
I have read a few of these comments and listened to brant speak on the radio of this blog, i believe the first thing that comes to mind isnt that u can pray better or read ur bible more or that ur doing something wrong, i believe the question should be what is everyone else doing wrong, u asked the question is every guys shallow, the answer is NO, not every guy is shallow, but if u have to ask that question of guys because of ur weight then maybe ur looking in the wrong places for a guy... if a guy cant except u for who u r then he doesnt deserve u in the first place.... im sure ur a kind and sweet woman and u sound very sincere about this so my answer for u isnt really an answer but a pledge for u to make, just remember this if u remember anything from any of these blogs, we wait on god not the other way around, god wont fail us it is us who fail him so just wait, god answers all. it may not be the time or place or the answer u want but JUST WAIT... that special someone for u will come, i went through 2 divorces from 2 different women, on who got pregnant by another man while i was in Iraq fighting and the other who beat one of my children, all due to me not waiting for god to show me the right person, i was desperate and felt alone and the first person to show me attention i fell for, dont make the mistake i made, wait on the lord and ur prayers will be answered i promise u that, if u love ur friend and he doesnt notice u because of ur weight then he may not be a godly man and probably isnt right for u, SO LIKE I SAID WAIT ON THE LORD AND HE WILL DELIVER WITH OUT FAILURE
5/30/2012 1:20:26 PM
Jorge Rodriguez United States
Jorge Rodriguez
In response to Brant's question:
"I'm not physically attracted to this person - for whatever reason - and that's important to me in a potential marriage."

Is this necessarily "shallow"?  As a married man, I don't think it is.
I agree that having this opinion is not shallow. Nor is it necessarily permanent. We love by choice... if we did not, then it would not be fair for God to have listed it as the foundational commandments "Love the Lord your God... and Love your neighbor as yourself".

However, hiding this opinion and pursuing/continuing a dating relationship "while it lasts" is dishonest and even hurtful. As Christians, we owe it to each other to be honest and forthcoming with intentions and plans... especially in dating relationships. If we aren't working toward marriage, what ARE we working toward besides temptation?
5/30/2012 1:21:08 PM
Samantha United States
Samantha
By the way Brat you are alsome!!!!
5/30/2012 1:24:24 PM
Ammi United States
Ammi
All I have to say is the right kind of guy will notice your heart, just like God sees beyond the outer surface. I love the quote Lucinda wrote about "Dance with God and he'll let the perfect man cut in".. reminds me of the bible verse "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4 Same concept.. just be happy with God, when you realize he is enough and see that you are happy with yourself he will send someone to be happy with you. God knows best, let him write your love story.(:
5/30/2012 1:34:20 PM
Dave United States
Dave
I prayed to God to bring me a wife for several years. I turned it over to him. He showed me that I was to marry a Godly woman named Jennifer. She is on heavy side.
  
I can tell you that it was the best decision that I have ever made. God has shown both of us how to love each other. We honored God and he has richly blessed us.

Please remain faithful and let God do the work.
5/30/2012 1:40:45 PM
Laura United States
Laura
I just want to say that there are so many beautiful and helpful pieces of advise here.  Really read and study these.
I have suffered very low self esteem most of my life.  I am proud to say that this period in my life is over.  I went through allot of rejections and dissappointments along the way.  One day I finally woke up and was litterally sick of feeling so bad about myself all of the time.  I mentally shook myself and began to love myself unconditionally.  The physical imperfections I had and, still have did not seem to matter anymore.  God guided me all the way through it to finally get me healthy.  No life wasn't perfect after that but, each day is better.  Once you love yourself others will see that and literally want to be by your side. God will find you the right man and he will be exactly what you need.  Trust me.  He did that for me.  
5/30/2012 1:42:25 PM
Dawn United States
Dawn
I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been on both ends of the spectrum. At one time in my life I was walking down runways and getting all sorts of attention from men. Now many years and lots of life trama later I am overwieght and very lonely. My husband and I met when I was thin, 8 years and a child later I he says that's the only thing he wants me to change. I do know your heart ache very well with wanting to be loved for who you are, not for what dress size you wear. My weight problem has caused my marriage to turn into more like a roommate living situation because "I'm not the person he married" well at least in his EYES.

You are not alone in wanting an answer to this question. I do know that with all the pain and longing that comes from never feeling good enough here in this world Jesus has always been there to help me walk thourgh everything. You have to know that even if you don't have a person in your life right now Jesus is there and will give you comfort as you wait. You are more beautiful and percious then rubies and should not settle for anyone that would make you feel as if you are anything less then that. Stay strong in your faith my dear and do not give up. You will find the man God has for you.
5/30/2012 1:45:27 PM
Ryan H. United States
Ryan H.
Hello, I don't think that all boys/men are shallow, I mean, if someone had a beautiful face and was overweight, I would still go out with her. I live in Cinci, Ohio and I have noticed that most teens at my school tend to be very shallow, but not me, as long as the person has a beautiful face and is someone that I get along with and likes the same things that I like, then I don't really even care if they are overweight or not.

Hope this helped,
Ryan
5/30/2012 1:47:12 PM
Amanda United States
Amanda
I am 36 years old and have been overweight most of my life. I have been with 2 men in my lifetime that never truly loved me the way I deserved. The first was a drug dealing criminal and the second was married. I have recently met someone through a friend who is 16 years older and loves me for ME.  Yes guys in that age range are shallow, they have not matured enough to see someone's heart.  My only advice is to wait on God, he knows your heart's desire and wants what is best for you.  

I know what being alone is like, I've been alone most of my adult life. Even though I have met the man I believe God has destined for me, God is keeping us apart because he is still working on us individually so that when we do come together we will be better for one another.  

So my advice is doing the best for you right now and leave the rest to God, he may not be done working on that special person for you.  The answer you search for is in prayer and patience.
5/30/2012 1:51:34 PM
eric United States
eric
They say the best way to get in a  fight is to walk around with a chip on your shoulder. Why I said this is to state something, we are all spiritual creatures and can sense things about a persons soul (like if they are dangerous or if they are happy or sad) that's how some people are considered magnetic or happy go lucky. This often times is not the actual way these people fell about themselves, but it is the persona they have put on. And this is where my point is, my wife has been struggling with bulimia for 15 years and we are trying to best i, but its roots have grown very deep. She has almost died 2 times, has a thyroid disorder because of it, massive dental issues and almost no real muscled mass. But from the outside she is considered beautiful. She started getting the attention (before we were married  when this started) from people that she wanted. But as time went by whenever more and more promiscuous was raped there times and gradually became mote and more shut off from everybody, she still cannot make good friends and all the guys she dated (including me until intervened) just wanted her for sex. She hates herself for this and struggles with her relationship with Christ and outside of me has no real friends. Efectively she feels that everybody that likes her likes the mask of her bulimia and she hates them for it. So what I am getting at is what scriptire says, in order to find your life you must lose it, you must be able to step outside of yourself and into the people of God. Do not seek love from men, they are

shallow@, and the ones that are attracted to women that seem needy or desperate want to exploit that, they can see the hurt behind your face and it tempts them. Seek God through prayer and a pastor that understands and find what it is in your heart that is making you live trapped behind your body identity issues. Once you can do that the bondage of hurt that is a lie.deeply placed by the enemy can be closed to.the light and with it your heart. You are made in the image of the almighty God and He doesn't make mistakes, you are as beautiful as any other woman if only you let yourself be.
5/30/2012 1:53:57 PM
Tracey United States
Tracey
Brant I don't think it is shallow. I think there has to be a level of physical attraction. But something I have learned over the years is that while I may not be physically attracted to someone upon first meeting them bus as get to know them my attraction for them grows this can also go the other way. So I don't think it is shallow but I would suggest to at least get to know someone before you completely dismiss them.
5/30/2012 1:57:26 PM
Ryan United States
Ryan
     The thing is this, whoever out there is reading.  I am a male between the ages mentioned, and the one thing I am waiting on is for a girl to not be shy and drop little hints she likes me.  While I remain single I am waiting on God to bring me a Godly woman.  One who can stand up to and meet the standards in 1 John 3 and in Proverbs 31.  A confidant woman in Christ who recognizes a Godly man when she sees one and pursues him as it worked so well 3000 years ago.  
     Many of you might be like me asking God where the other person is, because I'm so tired of being alone.  I know God has me alone for a reason and purpose, but at the same time I eagerly look forward to the day he satisfies my longing to share my life with a God fearing woman.
     If the women reading this seam to can't find "The One," maybe it might be because God doesn't want you to be with them because they are putting on an act, or because He has someone much better in store for you.  I hope this has encouraged some of you and not discouraged you from keeping your eyes open, but being content where God has you right now in this moment.
5/30/2012 2:32:25 PM
Darrell United States
Darrell
Hey, just wanted to comment and say the following;  not ALL men are shallow, but alot are. I am sorry that most don't realize that real women have curves and are usually the larger the lady, the deeper she loves because they are beautiful creations from the Father! Each is unique in her own way, and soon as she knows that she is, she will feel better about her situation. Also, when she fully gives it to God, he will fully give her the man she deserves.  Good luck with all you do.
5/30/2012 2:46:15 PM
Steven United States
Steven
Dear Ohian ladie (Think thats right) My name is Steven and I live in Texas and I am on the same boat as you I have been where you are and thought the same thing I'm 23 and single and it kills me sometimes and I don't know what to do so many times I have hit that wall where I thought I was'nt good enough for anyone or a girl will never wan't to be with a 23 year old male who has a walking disability and braces with a chest deformity.
Anyway I have been where you are and the best advice I can give is maybe it's not you maybe God's getting your husband ready for you while also preparing you and that sometimes we have to be patient and living in Texas that's hard (Traffic is horriable at times). We also have to remeber who God is and what he can do like in Matthew 11:28 syays "Then Jesus said come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest" so lets not tell God about our mountains but tell our mountains how AWESOME our God is. in true Honesty if a girl had a pretty face but was overweight I would give her a chance cause for me personelly I'm more of a personality man if your very gorgeous but inside your a meannie then I'm not for you but if your overwieght and have a pretty face and have a great heart and pursuing the Lord....That's my kind of woman....So Miss Ohio I'm with you on the loneliness boat....
5/30/2012 2:47:25 PM
Marielle United States
Marielle
No matter what size you are, no matter what you look like, You're beautiful. Everyone is beautiful on the inside, and I'm sure you're beautiful on the inside and out. Any guy should be smart and manly enough to realize that. I wish you the best of luck, and any guy would be lucky to have you.
5/30/2012 2:49:17 PM
Caitlin Johnson United States
Caitlin Johnson
I am 22 and I honestly have felt the same thing for a while. I'm not morbidly, deathly obese, but I am overweight. I know God is there and love's me despite my figure, but I understand the hurt. I have prayed about this issue many times; I've even tried promising God I would give up so many things in return for someone to love me. Still, I never really felt any kind of peace until I accepted the truth: the man God has for me will love me. My figure has nothing to do with it. God will send me someone in his own time, not mine. I still have days when it hurts, but those are the days I spend in prayer.

Just know there are others out there who feel your pain. We are here and we will pray for you. The power of prayer is immense!

<3 from your sister in God
5/30/2012 2:49:42 PM
Bryan United States
Bryan
I heard the following quote at my valentines day service and it's stuck with me:

"You don't attract what you want, you attract who you are."

If you're doing you're very best to glorify God, and are constantly trying to be your best self, someone will notice you and love you for that. Don't let your weight keep you from being extraordinary in other aspects of your life. If you want a great guy to notice you, I'd probably start with improving grammar and spelling. Good luck!
5/30/2012 2:50:49 PM
Hannah United States
Hannah
There are some guys out there who will love you for you. If you pray hard God will send the one he has made for you to you. I never thought that anyone would love me, because I am not a pretty person. But I started praying that God would somehow show me that I am loved and worth caring about, and one day a guy told me he thought I was Beautiful, and we've been dating for three months now. God answers all prayers in His own perfect time. Know that you are loved.
5/30/2012 2:51:55 PM
Andy United States
Andy
Unfortunately, many guys are shallow in that way. :-( my wife had thyroid cancer. Was hyper thyroid, then hypo, and now has no thyroid at all. Honestly, we found something that works to take the weight off, and actually keep it off. I would be happy to share with you what we found if you are interested. Email me. Frandy0416@yahoo.com. God bless
-Andy
5/30/2012 2:56:40 PM
Justin United States
Justin
I think we sometimes forget that God is in control of every situation, and I am afraid that is what has happened to this listener. When I was finishing up my senior year in high school, I had gotten out of a relationship that was only surface level deep, but was painful just because of the circumstances about the way it ended. I was getting ready to enter another relationship that wa pretty doomed to fail, but I changed course. I prayed that God would not let me get in another relationship until I found the person that I wa to marry. Being human, I assumed since I was getting ready to start college it would be within the next year. God doesn't work on the same timetable that we do though. I spent the next seven years turning down what seemed like great people to get into relationships simply because God said no. I thought God was punishing me. I thought he didn't want me to get married. Turns out, he ha better plans. I met my wife on a mission trip to Toronto almost seven years after I prayed that prayer. I know what she is going through is tough, but God has a plan for her. As the song says, when you can't trace His hand, trust His heart.
5/30/2012 2:58:05 PM
Debbie United States
Debbie
As a mother I hurt for this young lady.  She is not alone.  My son will be 30 this month and he too is lonely. I don't understand what young people are looking for in a mate.  He has had his heart broken so many times.  He is very good looking (he is constantly told this by others)and he always treats his dates with the upmost of respect. He is a worship leader at our church, he plays the guitar and worships with a passion. He is a cop.  On the outside it appears that he has everything going for him, but he is very lonely.  Out of his frustration he has made the comment that girls just want a bad boy, so maybe he should start treating them like dirt, then maybe they will like him. But that is not in his nature to treat people badly. He has patiently waited for person that God would bring into his life.  But he is very tired of the wait.  I pray that the Lord will bless all of these lonely singles with a mate that will love them for a lifetime.  In the meantime draw close to God and he will comfort you.
5/30/2012 3:15:29 PM
God's Servant United States
God's Servant
I, like some of the other people who commented, am a man in my young 20's. I heard this on the radio and I thought I just needed to weigh in.

For me, attraction is not purely physical, but is largely based on a woman's personality, spirituality, and habits. However, physical attraction and weight does play a role.

Here's why:

A person's physical state can say a TON about his or her personality and habits. I understand that there are medical reasons for people to be overweight or unhealthy in some way, but for the large majority obesity and other health conditions can be avoided by living how God intended us to live.

That said, If you are truly seeking to live a healthy lifestyle and to be a good steward of the body God has given you, I believe you can and will be attractive to the right guy in God's time.

One thing to do in the meantime is to really consider the kind of person you are looking for. Consider whether the person you are attracted to actually lives up to those standards. Go deep into yourself and into God's Word to figure out exactly what type of man you want and God wants for you. Then consider what type of person that man should be attracted to. Are you that person? If you are not, what changes can you make to become more like that person? The same type of approach can be used by single men, too.

This approach is helping me to become the man I know God wants me to be. It has helped me to realize that I have some growing to do before I find the woman I am searching for. It has brought me closer to God and helped me to determine His will for my life, something most 20-somethings and older are definitely searching for.

Keep in mind, also, that no one is perfect and you will make mistakes. You will make decisions that lead you away from becoming the person you have decided to become. These are not the end, though. They are simply setbacks. Keep pushing through them. Pray and ask for God's help in changing your life.

I'll be praying that God will help you find a good way to solve your thyroid issues. I have close relatives with similar issues and I know how difficult those can be to deal with.

Keep growing and following God.
5/30/2012 3:25:05 PM
Jimmy Joseph United States
Jimmy Joseph
It's not necessarily that men are shallow... some are, but so are women. I honestly believe it is a matter of "preference". I have friends who like "big" girls, but some of us just don't. Same as some women don't like skinny guys or vice versa.
The shallow ones are usually wrapped up in magazines or movies, etc... that whole plastic existence, so need not worry about their opinions.
But we know that God loves you, and the more you love yourself for who you are, the more others will be drawn to you.
We all have soul mates, some of us just have to go through trials to find them.
I had a crazy bumpy ride before I met my beautiful wife. Sometimes it just works that way.
Good Luck and God Bless.
5/30/2012 3:49:13 PM
Micah United States
Micah
Your looking for happiness where you won't ever find it. Until you accept that Jesus Christ is the ultimate fulfillment for your every need you won't  find true happiness in a mate. God should be the only peace we need throughout our entire lives and he fought and died for that to happen.  Let God meet that need for comfort in lonely times and allow him to be all you need and He will bless you with more than you ever imagined. He is all we need.
5/30/2012 3:51:10 PM
Claire United States
Claire
Guess what.  I'm 32 and single and lonely.  I'm not overweight.  I'm pretty but in a different way than most (my uglies: I'm short, skinny, not blonde, I have stupid ugly wiry mousey grey brown hair...I'm supremely socially awkward...I have extremely obvious adhd and depression...I pick at my legs so they are always scabby and blotchy...I have a mouscache and furry between my eyebrows and a really gangly goatee and I am terrible at maintaining them lol, I have no debt but I am a total financial failure!!).  But still there are so many guys who appreciate my outside beauty.  But those guys are icky; rude and nasty and they would make terrible fathers/husbands...they are not good people.  I am an amazing person INSIDE!!  I have a million faults and flaws, I am a failure in my own eyes in so many ways, but I know that I have a big heart, and that I make a difference in people's lives.  I'm happy with who I am (for the most part!).  Anyways, like I said, still single, still very lonely.  It's not because of your weight.  It's because you haven't met a guy who DESERVES YOU yet.  One day you and I will meet those men (I hope!!!  Maybe not, but I hope!!!).  Remember Proverbs 3:5 and six....JUDGE NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING.  That means that things are going to make NO SENSE to us sometimes!!  But we have to try to remember that what happens (or doesn't happen) in our lives, that is WHAT GOD HAS PLANNED and it is happening/not happening FOR A REASON!!!  At this time in your life, God is telling you that you have a more important purpose right now than just to be someone else's girlfriend!!!  Love and hugs from me to you, girlie.  <3
5/30/2012 3:52:42 PM
Melani Samples United States
Melani Samples
My heart was heavy when I listened to your email on air1, and then I came here and saw all the very great and genuine responses! I am so happy men took the time to answer, because while I think you can take comfort in what we women say, you can SEE that there are great, Godly men out there, who KNOW that love is different than lust!

I have been Chubby all my life... when I was in high school I actually stopped eating for 3 months because I had people very close to me telling me I would never have a boyfriend or get married because I wasnt pretty... what they meant was I wasnt thin. I did my fair share of dating and never seemed to have any issues regarding my weight... I met my husband in 2006 and I can honestly say he has loved me for me... he tells me I am beautiful all the time, even on the days I dont feel it LOL, and truly adores my heart. He didnt only see me as someone who was overweight, he saw me for all that I am.

My best advice to you is this... dont let anyone get you down, no one is worth that. Stand tall and be proud of who God made you to be! You are a woman of Christ, and you are beautiful in more ways than you will EVER know. Remember that while you only see the pieces of the puzzle that is your life God see's the finished product, the end result! Beauty has to do with confidence, and the best thing to remember is that you want a guy to look at you for more reasons than just whats on the outside, because outward beauty, we all know that fades, but inward beauty is priceless. That being said you have to believe that you are beautiful before you will ever believe other people think you are. As for your friend... let me share my share with you a similar story. When I was in high school I was in love with my best friend, I didnt think he would have EVER noticed me in that way. I was in everything musical and he was into sports... but after high school we dated briefly, and while it was a "dream come true" it ended, and sadly our friendship slowly did too. Sometimes we want things so badly we dont realize what could happen in the aftermath... God has the perfect man waiting for you and sometimes it just takes time to get there.

Just hang in there... KNOW that you are beautiful in every way and have faith that God will always provide. and hey, some of these guys that have responded sound like winners to me! ;) I will be praying for your heart and your hurt and if you ever want to talk feel free to email me personally at melanisamples@yahoo.com I would love to share with you some more! <3
5/30/2012 3:54:51 PM
J United States
J
Guys who are shallow aren't worth a second thought in your mind. The same is true for guys who have to deal with shallow women. You may think you're missing something wonderful because you don't have a "special someone" in your life, but in reality, much more can be taken away from you if you have the wrong people in your life.
5/30/2012 3:58:07 PM
Jaimee United States
Jaimee
Sister,
I understand exactly what you are talking about. As a single woman who will be 26 in a few months I understand the loneliness you feel. I have been told by my father that I was fat all my life so I struggled with my self image. I have always believed I was overweight even though I am not. In addition, I do have a very beautiful face but it is plagued with very mild acne, currently I am taking medicine for it but it is still there. Take heart sister, if God has someone for you than that man will love you for all that you are. Continue to love Jesus with all you have, seek His will for you and know that you are treasured and precious! No matter what any man says! Cling onto this hope, it is a hope that I cling too as well.
5/30/2012 3:58:15 PM
Claire United States
Claire
PS: Yes, all guys are shallow in my experience!!!  Including my role models and the men I have looked up to all my life.  NO ONE IS PERFECT, and I am trying to figure out what it means to TRULY FORGIVE someone.  You have to forgive them!!  Throw the word LOVE out of the window.  If a guy RESPECTS you, then KEEP HIM!!  Also: TELL YOUR BEST FRIEND THAT YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!  TELL HIM!!!!
5/30/2012 4:00:53 PM
Erik United States
Erik
Before I was a married man, I did date persons of all sizes because that is not mattered to me. The most important thing for me was their faith and their personality. I wanted to see their inside shine outward.
Unfortunately society an th media portray that younger need to be dating a certain look of a woman. And women are dying trying to be that. Either by compulsive eating or compulsive exercise not eating dieting. It I so sad.  
God created you and He created a man for you. It may not be your time to find him yet as God wants you to fully trust him with your "loneliness". May God bless you as you trust more in Him. And when He is ready He will bless you with the man He created for you.
5/30/2012 4:06:22 PM
Happy Hubby United States
Happy Hubby
There are "men" out there for you!  Dont lose hope. I say "men" because when i was younger i thought slightly differently. But as i matured i learned what made a relationship great and lasting. My wife and i have been married 15yrs and together for 22 years and we're in our late 30s. So we met early in life at church no less (how awesome) and we were friends for awhile and i never looked at her in an attractive sence at first, but as we were able to spend time together and i got to know her and although she was over weight (and me being a slightly shallow teen) i was really drawn to her to her person and started to really SEE HER.  Well we have 3 awesome kids and no regrets 22 years later. Of course we have both gained weight over the years and the toll that having children bring.... but i look at her and know she gave of her body for "our" family. I still find her so attractive and tell her and show her, i love her dearly.

   No some back info, guys are by nature shallow but thats not a total excuse, guys are vey visual -thats just the way we're wired. To become men we learn to deal and masterthese impulses (mostly).  Also she never thought of herself as very attractive and sheltered that part of her self even to this day!  But of course SO much of that has changed and when we started going out she did start to feel more confident in that area and that made it even better (yea im a guy).  But the point of all of this is that your man will be mature and inspireing to you and love you deeply and truly looking into your eyes to see the one he loves. Be confident in yourself and your image and dont settle.  There is magic out there.....

Good luck and God bless!
5/30/2012 4:08:57 PM
ali United States
ali
My name is ali and i'm stil in high school and i went through the same thing... only i wasnt over weight but some guy said i was and that was the reason why no guy liked me. so i turned to starving my self and lost a lot of wight and finally got a boyfriend, so i thought that it was cause i was too fat. my mom made me start eating again by cooking things she knew i would eat and i started to gain weight again and he broke up with me... now i'm at a good wight and i prayed to God for strength that i would be able to make it through this and now i have a good boyfriend and know that God loves me. but all guys arent shallow just a vast majority of them but God will bring someone into your life that wil think and make you feel beautiful inside andout.
5/30/2012 4:09:01 PM
Chris United States
Chris
I can totally relate, even being a male.  It's amazing how I can be invisible to most women despite my size.  I have lots of female friends.  I seem to be able to have conversations with women without any problems... once they actually talk to me.  But it never really goes beyond that.

I like to think that I'm more advanced than the typical shallow dude, but I really don't know.  What I have noticed as I've grown older is that I'm attracted more to the emotions I associate with seeing a friend than physical attributes.  But if I had to really sit down and think, did I only try to build a relationship because I was physically attracted to the person?  That's a hard question for me to answer.

At any rate, I do think that confidence and self-love are the great equalizers in this equation.  If Miss Anonymous from Ohio and I truly, deeply loved the person we see in the mirror, we'd probably look a lot different to others...
5/30/2012 4:13:21 PM
Twanna United States
Twanna
Being a lady that has suffered as you are. Asked the same question, and even others. I was incredibley blessed to come up in a strong churh family and even though I was heavy growing up, was encouraged to draw my confidence from what I was good at. I was one of he highest acheiving students in school and found strength in knowing how many more rewards I got and other recognition I received. No, it didn't stop the torture from the mean ones, but outside of school,  i attracted some of the most awesome people.  I get deep in the Lord and surrounded by great people and the Lord would send someone into my life that was amazing.

The greatest thing I can share wih you is that once you immerse yourself in servig God and others, you will not notice or care about a man and that is just when God will know that you are spititually ready to receive the blessing that He has prepared just for you.

Sis, you are an amazing creature that the Lord has made. And remember, God don't make mistakes and He made you. He made you for a purpose. Make it your life's work to find it and throw yourself into it. The greatest blessing you can receive is to love yourself. Can you do it alone, probably not. Is it easy, heck no. Is it worth it, daggone right it is. Need someone, hit me up @ hopeawaitsoh@gmail.com.
5/30/2012 4:14:56 PM
Becky United States
Becky
I don't know if anyone, yet has addressed this issue, it would take me days to read through all the comments, I am not overweight, but my sister is, she's trying unsuccessfully to lose weight too.  Anyways, you had said you're in love with your best friend, I think you should make that your special project, I assume it's a he, but if not insert she where he is, you need to get him to understand that you like him, more than friends, my husband and I weren't technically friends before I asked him out almost 13 years ago, but I did make the first move, and when he was too nervous to kiss me I asked him if he would.  So that's my advise go for it with the person youre already in love with, there's no use in dreaming about what could be when you  could actually go out and make it happen.  
5/30/2012 4:16:32 PM
Marti United States
Marti
To answer your question, not all men are so shallow. There are many men out there that will love you for who you are, not what you look like. I was 250 pounds when I met and later married my husband of almost 14 years. As I gained weight he continued to love me. I was over 330 pounds at one point. I have since lost a lot of weight and he still loves me! My advice to you is to love yourself for WHO you are, keep your body healthy (still possible when you are overweight), and continue to love God -- and love will come your way from many directions. Good luck and God bless you!
5/30/2012 4:17:07 PM
Brett United States
Brett
If you read any of these comments, read this one. I can tell you that there are PLENTY of men who love bigger women, myself included. Just because your body-type does not fit the Hollywood-standard does not mean you're beautiful. You're just looking in the wrong places for guys that you would not be compatible with.

Let me tell you that God gifted me with a beautiful girlfriend (soon to be fiance), and we get along so well. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and is truly a sight to behold. I am not sure how you view yourself, but if God can place two people together who are attracted to each other, He will do it for you. Never sell yourself short, and never settle for a jerk who does not appreciate you. Why change who you are when there are plenty of people who would like you as-is?
5/30/2012 4:17:55 PM
Jessica United States
Jessica
Hey,

First of all I want you to know that you are a beloved child of God! Putting all of society's pressures and stereotypes aside, Christ is the one and only person who you can find your true identity in. He is the one who knows you the best and is the on person who can tell you who you truly are.

As for the men, well I definitely have not lost hope in the fact that there are many Godly men out there who are looking for someone who is beautiful on the inside as well as on the outside. Just because you are overweight does not mean that you are not beautiful! God created you and that makes you beautiful whether you are skinny or not! I think that the main thing you should focus on is your identity in Christ as well as the friendships you have. Having a positive self image is so important. Being able to be single and be happy is a must before entering into a serious relationship. Love yourself and see yourself the way God does. You are a beautiful woman who is worthy of an honorable respectful man. Not all men are shallow. Society has extremely distorted what the meaning of beauty is. Love yourself and wait for the kind of man God has intended for you.

As for the weight, it sounds like you are doing your best to live a healthy lifestyle. One thing I have found that really helps me is to not eat any hydrogenated oils. My Mom has thyroid issues as well and omitting this one thing has helped her tremendously.

Remember you are worthy!
5/30/2012 4:18:22 PM
Marilyn N. Bomactao-Enochs United States
Marilyn  N. Bomactao-Enochs
     My heart does out to her? The first step is in getting her thyroid under control? This is area that I will pray for healing in her life?

     Then the 2nd. step is: I will pray for her in encouraging her to start in excising because over 6yrs. ago? I was 175pds. over weight?

     Well, I still have a long way to loose weight?

     Also, December 28th. of 2011 that I join In-Shape Club?  

     The excising crazy is "Zumba" with combination of Pilates? When, I do this excise that I do lose a lots, lots of weight?

     Also, I weight myself after I do the "Zumba Excise"? But, I get really tired after doing the "Zumba Excise? I do feel better after a few minutes later?

     It was God's will thru Christ with guidance of the Holy Spirit that I starting watch what I am eating and at the same time that I did started to walk?  But, I had realize that this wasn't enough because over 2months ago?  

     I had my thyroid check because I had already went thru "Menopause"? Well, I had a blood test done? Well, I had went to see my doctor and she said "my thyroid was fine"?

     The reason, why I brought this up because my mother had thyroid problems?  I had to find out my sister-in-law Debbie, who is married to my older brother Lionel?  

     My sister-in-law Debbie had told me this after my mother had died?

     I do know by in when Jesus had started to heal individual(s) or people while in "Earthy Ministry!"

     But, I've seen miracles in my life time/

    



5/30/2012 4:24:34 PM
Jessica United States
Jessica
I am listening to air 1 on my radio right now and heard about this email. this is what i have to say...
   And why are you anxious about clothing(or your appearance)? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?...Mathew 6:28-30  

First of all,
this tells you not to concern yourself with how you look...
  
  God has your soul mate in his plans for you. He is out there somewhere and God is waiting for the right time and the right place for you to unite as one. So you need to not worry about it and let God handle your life.
  Let the power of God work through your spirit to get rid of your lonliness. Go out there and have fun, your soulmate will come along when you are least expecting it.
5/30/2012 4:26:55 PM
Valerie United States
Valerie
Dear Anonymous,  I am dedicating to you a song by Josh Groban called You Are Loved (Don't give up).  We all want to be heard and understood...I don't even know you but I can understand where you are coming from, me being overweight myself.  I do have love in my life...first, from Jesus Christ and secondly, from my partner of 17 years. There are times when we all feel lonely, even probably the happiest person you know in your life has moments when they feel lonely, but that is the moment when you reach out to GOD and draw him near to you with Prayer, and just like you did...reaching out to people who don't even know you by writing an e-mail! Now look at all the new friends you have just by reaching out.  I have issues sometimes with depression and anxiety and feeling that no one cares about me too, but as a 38 year old woman I now combat these feeling, with scripture and I always quote one of my favorite scriptures...This is the Day which the LORD has made:Let us rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalms 118:24  And as far as finding a decent man who truly cares about you...ask GOD specifically what you are looking for and He will put that person in your path. Your new friend in Christ Val
5/30/2012 5:11:43 PM
Mom of 4 teens United States
Mom of 4 teens
The hard truth is no.  No, if you mean, "Will any young guy who is a perfect 10 give an overweight girl a second look?"  

You might be surprised to know that many young men feel insecure and lonely as well -- boys who are imperfect according to the world's standards.  Are you being realistic?  The way-too-skinny nerd with bad skin but a heart of gold and a love for Jesus is MUCH BETTER than Brad Pitt.  Sometimes we want grace given to us but withhold it from others (not knowing your situation, I'm not saying this fits you.)

Practical advice -
* Develop your excellence.  Excellence is attractive in whatever form it comes.  What is it that YOU are good at?  Pursue it.
* Unless you really, really, truly like her (and are not just with her to feel cool), quit hanging around with that "perfect" friend -- you don't appear better because you're near her; it only accentuates the differences.
* Take some classes or join a club that's male-heavy.  You might find you LOVE Robotics, Cars, Chess, or Welding.  And a club with 25 men and 2 women is in your favor (trust me on this, having joined my first computer club 30+ years ago).
* Make healthy choices.  Healthy is so much more important than thin.  It becomes moreso each year.
* Relax.  Enjoy being young.  Even if it's enjoying it with only female friends.  It's when you become comfortable with yourself that you will be most attractive to others.
* Find what is most beautiful about you and cultivate it.  Is your hair gorgeous?  Make sure it's well cared for and always pretty.  Do you have a great smile?  Use it often.  Even with the fakiness of today, there is something physically beautiful about every single person.  Capitalize on it.  Men are visual creatures.  God made them that way.  But He made each one of them attracted to different things (thankfully for those of us without perfect bodies!).
5/30/2012 5:12:02 PM
Molica United States
Molica
I want to point out that having someone special in your life doesn't negate loneliness. When my husband was deployed with the military, I was pregnant and I went to live with his parents. I was EXTREMELY lucky and got to talk to him almost every other day. I was surrounded by kind people who loved me. I had the constant reminder of the beautiful little life inside me. I couldn't have been more blessed and yet, I have never felt so lonely in my life!
God was what filled that lonely, empty spot inside me. I got active in my church and threw myself into as many bible studies as my schedule could handle. The people at church were great, but it was learning about God and actually having a growing, active relationship with Him that transformed that time period from something empty and emotionally tragic into a beautiful time that I treasure.
Additionally, God IS love. Love sees you with God's eyes. If a man loves you, it won't matter what you look like. A good man loves a woman who is confident in herself, who loves herself, and who takes care of herself. If he's too preoccupied with the packaging, then he's NOT worth it!
Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who loves the Lord, she shall be praised."
5/30/2012 5:24:03 PM
denise United States
denise
My heart goes out to you!!!

I am a 40 y/o female - overweight, often lonely, struggling with the same feelings. Everything everyone else has said is TRUE:

- God loves you UNCONDITIONALLY
- You are made fearfully and wonderfully by Him and he loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, more than you could ever know
- You are His bride and He will heal every hurt and wipe away every tear
-Seek first His Kingdom and righteousness and all the rest will be added!!!

It is hard to live in a physical body sometimes - I know I am loved by God but it's not tangible, and I get hung up on the tangible (forgetting that all of this will pass away!!) - it is so, so hard, I know.

But God allows us to bring our concerns and hurts and pains to His throne - He cares about everything that concerns us!!

I have had just a few relationships in my 40 years; I wonder if God's plan for me is to go to bed alone and wake up alone for the next 40 years. If so, I must praise and rejoice because the Maker of the Universe knows His plan for me in His infinite wisdom, and He is taking every single step in my loneliness WITH me.

You are not alone - we are with you, and He is with you Smile

If you do decide to get healthier and try some weight-loss strategies (not that you have to!), do it for YOURSELF and in conjunction with God - PRAY about it; don't do it just to 'get a man.'

Lean on God and tell Him how you feel again and again - sad, mad, frustrated, whatever. Cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you Smile

Love and blessings to you dear!!
5/30/2012 5:24:45 PM
Mom of 4 teens United States
Mom of 4 teens
Dear Jorge Rodriguez (above),

I have two daughters... :-D.  You are a beautiful soul.
5/30/2012 5:33:01 PM
Mary United States
Mary
I know what that is like too. i'm overweight to and i know about guys not giving you second glances. there are guys like those but there are some that are different. They look past it and i know there is a guy out there for you.
5/30/2012 5:42:13 PM
Ian United States
Ian
Hi there, i am a guy in his late 20's and for me (a once very shallow guy) i did look at the outside and found after countless failed relationships and finding god; that the outside is just a vessel that deteriorates no matter who you are. I now don't worry about the outside because i have realized this and if the one i am supposed to be with is overweight or missing limbs or has a huge hunchback; it doesn't matter to me, i will love them for who they are and what they mean to me. I am not looking for the "right" one, instead i wait and be who i am and god will bring us together. Unfortunately yes most guys are shallow and only look at the outside and not who you are as a person to answer your question. I wish it wasn't that way but those are the facts, i suggest changing your surrounding and maybe...just maybe the one that god has in store for you that doesn't care about appearance will be waiting for you. ;)Don't give up hope and know that people love you for who you are and care tremendously about you, even with all the flaws you think you have.  
Just my two cents and hope it helps, even if it's only a little Smile  
5/30/2012 5:45:15 PM
Andrew United States
Andrew
tl;dr: Don't date, do what you love, count the calories, and exercise Smile

A constant theme I see in the comments here is that dating is accepted as a given.  Why?  Show me where in the Bible it's promoted, allowed, or even discussed -- it's not!

The modern concept of dating didn't develop until the 1920s, making it a brand-new concept in the scope of history -- less than 100 years of existence in the context of 6,000 years of history (including 6,000 years of relationships of all sorts, both successful and failed).  It normally involves emotional attachment, no permanent commitment, no parental involvement, and little if any thought of marriage.  You can see how this would be dangerous for young adults, let alone teenagers.  2 Timothy 2:22a: "Now flee from youthful lusts".

Contrast this with the concept of courtship, which was rarely (if ever) conducted without the end-goal of marriage in mind and had heavy parental involvement when possible.  This was a very safe, controlled environment in which two arbitrarily young people could explore the possibility of marriage while receiving the advice of their parents and other involved adults.  Proverbs 24:6b: "And in abundance of counselors there is victory."

I'm not saying that modern dating can't be used by God -- every Godly married couple I know today dated.  However, just because He can use it, that doesn't make it the best method, or even a preferable method, for Him to unite you and your future spouse.  The modern dating scene is wrought with immorality and heartbreak.  And even if an involved Christian can claim immunity to the former, I doubt they are immune from the latter.

Neither am I saying that people without parents (whether physically, emotionally, etc) are out of luck -- Proverbs didn't say "abundance of parents", it said "abundance of counselors".  Involve people you trust to help you make these decisions.  And, probably, the older the better ;)

What I *am* saying is that you should probably back off from the idea of dating.  I once heard someone say "you are most beautiful when you are performing the ministry God set for you, with no mind to what others see".  Find something you derive joy from doing, and do it.  Throw yourself into it.  God will put the right man in your way, at the right time.

Not all guys are shallow, but neither are all guys ready for marriage.

Finally, I know what it's like to struggle with weight, albeit not from a thyroid problem.  I'll talk about my experience, but it will have nothing to do with my thyroid, so may not be as relevant as we'd all like.

My highest weight was 280lb, around Thanksgiving 2011.  That was the point where I became sick and tired of being sick and tired; I've lost 30lb since then, and hope to lose another 20lb before Thanksgiving 2012.

I can tell you that "dieting" doesn't work -- it has to be a lifestyle change to what you put in your body.  It wasn't one overly carby meal that caused the weight gain; it was years and years of slightly unhealthy meals every. single. day.  It's also about calories in versus calories out.  If you consume more than you expend, you have to store those extras somewhere, they don't just magically vanish.

If you listen to podcasts, I'd highly recommend subscribing to the Fat2Fit podcast and listening to it from season 2 onward (season 1 is purchase-only, and I haven't broken down and bought it yet Smile ).  It's the journey of one guy to lose all his excess weight, and he succeeds by the end.  Throughout, he and his friend (a personal trainer, no less) discuss the techniques and mindset he uses to achieve his goals.  It's very good information and motivation.

I use sparkpeople.com to track my calorie intake.  As I lose weight, I have fewer calories that I'm "allowed" to consume in a day, so it can be difficult (I *love* to eat), but if it gets the weight off, it's worth it.

As for exercise, I still struggle on that front, both with the presence of mind to do it regularly and with the motivation to do it at all.  I have heard, though, that regular exercise can cure a lot of health problems, such as diabetes, so perhaps regular exercise, kept up with, can address the thyroid issues?  I don't know, but it's a thought.

At any rate, don't give up.  Some are called to be single, yes, but I believe that if you have a strong desire for a mate, then you're probably not called to be single.
5/30/2012 5:56:58 PM
Tracy United States
Tracy
I wanted to say that, despite what others say, being skinny doesn't fix everything.  I was skinny but most guys didn't know I existed, or said that I looked too "bookish" (I guess because I have glasses?)  Anyway, the important thing is to keep seeking Christ.   The loneliness will pass and God will bring just the right man into your life.  I know it is hard to get up every morning, to go to work and come back to an empty apartment, but hang in there and remember every day is a new day.  Keep living your life, find hobbies and activities that YOU like to do, and the right guy will look your way before you know it!
5/30/2012 6:04:58 PM
Ed United States
Ed
As a guy in my early 40's I do agree to a point. There are so many jerks out there and so few real men. Real men look at someone through gods eyes which can see right to peoples souls. So many people worry about or are so concerned about outer looks. My ex gained a lot of weight after our first child but, I loved her because of her great personality and had a love for god. My current girlfriend is not on the slim side either but, I love her for the same reason. I have met the almost perfect woman till she opened her mouth and was very rude and nasty to almost everyone she felt didn't fit in her little circle. So as for me         I would be with someone with a great personality and a love for god then the complete opposite.

May God bless you all.    
5/30/2012 6:59:07 PM
Amy United States
Amy
I've been divorced for 6 years, and I understand where you would get that impression, but it's not that bad. Sure, everyone has a physical type, and some people can't see past that initial attraction. Some men can't see past weight the way some women can't see past height. I'm pretty significantly overweight, and I've not done too bad with guys since I started dating again. When things don't work, it's not because they aren't physically attracted to me, it's because I'm not conservative enough, or I'm not that impressed by them, or we don't bring out the best in each other. That said, I hear I have a great smile, and my confidence is appealing. Some guys like a thicker girl, so fluff up your hair, do your best to see what others would love in you, and sign up for an online dating service. It's working for me!
5/30/2012 7:49:25 PM
Micah United States
Micah
You may not even get down to this comment but if you do:

I don't see weight issues. I see self-confidence/ self-assurance issues here. As a 28 year old male, I can tell you that some men have self-confidence issues too, like myself. Until about a year ago I never thought I was good enough for someone else, and it was true because of who I allowed myself to become. Had I gotten a wife I would have been a terrible husband.
The thing to know is, you are no good to anyone if you believe that it actually true. When God brought this to my attention I tried to change. Become better. Challenge myself. But it didn't work, I knew the issue but didn't know what to do about it. Then God whispered in my ear, "Allow me to make you into what you need to be."
It has been the hardest and easiest thing I have ever done. By pursuing Him, He has changed me. Now that I have seen the changes happening in myself I know that I will be a husband and father someday. And I am pursuing the things that will make me a better husband and father. I am not pursuing a relationship with anyone I meet only because I know God will make it obvious when he know she and I are ready for each other.
5/30/2012 7:59:54 PM
John United States
John
Sweetheart there are millions of men out there that love bigger women,I'm one of them. But I had issues myself and not because I'm over weight but because I am short and VERY skinny and not many women wanted to date a scrawny man like me.Even thought I wasn't blessed with height and muscles I learned to work with what God gave me,a great sense of humor and personality,and once I learned to use that my tiny size was no longer an issue. I have several female friends who are over weight and have some of the best men you could ever ask for. I promise,there is a man out there(whom you probably know) who is crazy about you but is afraid to tell you.
5/30/2012 8:02:42 PM
Sharon R Lowery United States
Sharon R Lowery
You have probably have gotten tons of advice ranging from read the bible more to trying online dating. I know that God has a plan for you and it can be unbearable to be alone.  I was "alone" until I was 37 years old and there are many others who have gone longer without a constant human companion.  It was a difficult trek because like many, I looked constantly in the wrong places - sometimes it was alcohol and sometimes it was sex and there were times, it was both.  I was constantly told that it was because of my relationship with God, that I should attend church more, etc.  I did become closer to God and started attending church on a regular basis, but that isn't what cause me to find my husband.  It was just God's plan and there wasn't anything I could do or change.  Just keep your chin up as much possible and find friends - guys and girls - that you can hang out with.  Most of my friends ended up being older adults due to my job.  If you need someone to talk with, you are welcome to contact me.  May God grant you the peace and strength to deal with this storm!  Let His love surround you!!!  
5/30/2012 8:06:53 PM
anaonymous United States
anaonymous

I used to think it was impossible to find a guy who cared more about a woman’s character than her outward appearance. Though an online dating sight, I meet such a guy.

We meet during a free communication weekend, neither one of us members at the time or able to see pictures of the other person. In our initial e mail he briefly mentioned, “You said that you are not a subscriber…well neither am I Smile Although that means I can't see pictures, but that's not a big deal for me. I do have a pic (or two) of myself. If you ever want to see, just ask.” His apparent lack of interest in what I looked like surprised me. I teased back that as soon as I asked for a picture of him he would make me give him a picture of me in return. I wanted to avoid being superficial and see how long my interest in him would last and his interest in me before I requested his picture. Our connection to each other was going well and we were enjoying getting to know each other without the distraction of looks. Two months passed by and I gave into my curiosity; I wanted to know what he would look like if we were talking face to face and bring some tangibility into our developing friendship.

After he sent me his picture, I was certain he would ask for a picture of me in return. He didn’t! Despite my friendly teasing, “Your manliness is in question…what guy doesn’t care what a woman looks like.” He never once requested that I send him a picture of myself let alone bring up pictures outside of the initial e mail mentioned above. I continued to be baffled and come up with theories. Three months into our e-mails I sent him a message with all my theories and told him that not understanding why he didn’t care about my appearance was driving me crazy. I couldn’t believe that three months into our friendship he STILL didn’t care what I looked like. I will never forget his response! I felt incredibly special and valued when he wrote back;

"You see, it's not that I don't care as much as its that I'm taking the time to know the real person. I've met plenty of "barbies" (i.e. fake plastic superficial people) and they don't interest me because they don't have substance and values. Some may say I'm picky, but I consider myself more "selective", if that makes since. Not just anybody will do.

That being said, you dont come off as just    "anybody". So I'm taking my time, and seeing what's in Gods plan."

It wasn’t until I read his response that I could have dreamt it possible for a guy like him to exist!

Those were not just words on paper from him; his actions continued to prove true! Four months into our friendship he STILL didn’t know what I looked like or bring it up. As much fun as it was for me to be a mystery to him and test how much he really cared about what I looked like, I wanted him to know. I wanted to see if/how it would alter our friendship. I sent him a picture of me with a handful of my girlfriends and we played a game of “guess who” when talking on the phone. A few weeks later he narrowed down which one I was in the picture, and then I sent him a current picture of myself; five and half months into our friendship he “saw” me for the first time.

His friendship with me has remained unaltered in spite of knowing what I look like. It still baffles me that a good looking guy can honestly care more about who a woman really is in an image driven society. His maturity is unlike any guy I have ever known!

Yes, there are guys out there who care more about who a woman is than what she looks like; they are few and far between though!

In spite of viewing yourself as “unattractive” in the world’s eyes, I pray you see yourself for the beautiful woman God made you. We all have our own “imperfections” but if we view ourselves by God’s standards those the “imperfections” disappear and our confidence grows, and confidence is sexy!  

Most sincerely,

an anonymous women
5/30/2012 9:13:58 PM
Miranda United States
Miranda
Your situation breaks my heart, and hits very close to home. I am 24 years old, 5', 243 lbs. (down from 262) and struggle with image issues DAILY. It's hard to be a believer and also be a member of a society that idolizes photoshopped, starved, and altered perceptions of reality. Trying to measure up to the expectations makes hope hard to come by, and sometimes the silence that accompanies lonliness is deafening.

I have, within the past 8 months, reconnected with God and been changed in a million different ways. Before I got back into church and my relationship with Christ, I was depressed, overeating, lonely, sleeping all the time, and avoiding social situations as much as possible. Life was POINTLESS. When I redirected my focus away from myself and onto the path God designed for me, things started changing. I now work out regularly, have a great job, spend a lot of time with my friends, and stay involved with my church (which allows me to constantly meet new people). I have a new and passionate focus for becoming a Proverbs 31 woman, and I know that when I meet my husband, He will appreciate this in me.

I know that I am not the typical "American beauty" but I DON'T HAVE TO BE. God made me. Regardless if no man on the planet thinks I'm pretty, God does. "HE IS JEALOUS FOR ME." That is so HUGE!!! He knows my mind, body, and soul, and accepts me as I am.

I know that I am meant to find my husband, but I have also come to accept that God will deliver him to me when HIS time is right, not mine. I have found that in the times when I feel lonely, God is wanting me to pursue Him. I know that God is working on making me to fit my husband and vice versa. When we have both been moulded to fit one another, we will meet by God's grace. Until that time, I continue to pray for him.  

I don't believe that all men, or women for that matter, are shallow. I believe that attraction is necessary, but I also believe that physical attraction is altered by personal, spiritual, and emotional attractions. For myself and many others I know, a person's appearance can be more/less attractive upon getting to know his or her personality. If a really good-looking person is a complete jerk, I find him/her to be unattractive, even physically. Some people who wouldn't be called gorgeous have amazing personalities, and I find them beautiful.  

My best advice to you is this: trust God to deliver what He has promised you. Delight in Him FIRST and He will give you the desires of your heart. He made you. Don't you think He knows that you want a companion? Also, trusting in God means that you also have to trust in His timing. Have faith. He is a faithful God who makes all things work together for our good.

"For I know the plans I have for you-," says the Lord, "-plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jer. 29:11

Keep praying. Don't ever stop. God is holding you and His grace is sufficient to see you through.

I hope this helps. I pray His peace over your life and that the love you seek finds its way to you in God's perfect time.

-Miranda in Georgia
5/30/2012 10:23:44 PM
Janet United States
Janet
Love is blind.  You will find someone who loves you for what is not seen.
5/30/2012 11:14:01 PM
Ryan P United States
Ryan P
Men are not shallow. Men are not looking only for a visually appealing outer appearance. The problem is women throw the burden of shallowness entirely on men, that we are attracted only by looks. For the most part, women are as guilty as men when it comes to the outer appearance of a person. The main source of this is the main stream media, men and women are fed by the media images of what the ideal man or woman look like. We are saturated in these images every day, so much so that they become part of our subconscious. So don't buy the lie the media feeds you. Not all of us guys are looking for a supermodel without a brain. Take heart and be encouraged to know that there are men like men that are interested in a girls soul and personality and not just her outer appearance.
5/30/2012 11:48:26 PM
Samantha Villalobos United States
Samantha Villalobos
I would say yeah there are guys who would. My friend has almost a similar problem. The thing is he thought i was the type of girl who wouldnt love him cause he is over weight. He has diabetes and that doesnt help him much. I would like to say find someone who loves you for your personality its not always looks and look for someone with a good personality. Youll find someone trust me and everyone here. The world is a big place.
5/30/2012 11:53:07 PM
Trevor Forsman United States
Trevor Forsman
Don't give up hope, there are guys out there that have the decency to see past the outside. Those who look solely for the celebrity "beauty" that so many people are lead to obsess over do not know what true love is. Regardless there are those who do know and appreciate the inner characteristics that truly make people beautiful though they are becoming harder to find. Most importantly always remember God always loves unconditionally. I pray you find your special someone.
5/30/2012 11:53:59 PM
Angel United States
Angel
Dear Ohio Listener,

I know what you mean when you ask this question.

I have the same problem with my weight and I've been in a couple relationships and every single one has, ironically, felt lonelier than when I was single, and I couldn't figure out why for the longest time, then I realized what it was--

I was rushing into relationship after relationship because I was desperate for company, I was lonely and longing for someone to be close to, someone to see past my exterior, but you know what? It wasn't worth it.

I know guys can be hard and hurtful, but truthfully, some girls can be too. It's not just guys, I think it's human nature... as is loneliness.

I know it hurts, I feel it too, some nights I lie awake because my heart aches with the loneliness I feel every day that passes, but there's two things that keeps me going, Air1 music, and the knowledge that God made someone for me, and he's out there, waiting for God to lead us together.

So keep your chin up, there's someone out there that God made just for you, and he's waiting, he's just waiting for the right time to put you two together. You might be surprised...

As for your best friend, it's okay to love him, because everyone needs to be loved by someone, and even if you aren't meant to be with him, at least someone loves him for him, and he has someone he trusts keeping his best interests at heart...

A couple years ago I married my best friend, but I wasn't the bride. I was his bride's maid of honor, and I gave her away to him, the man I had loved for almost ten years. I know how it feels... you're not alone.

I cried for so many nights after, but God heard every one of my cries, my pleas, and he counted each of my tears and I truly, honestly believe he shared my pain, and someday he'll bring me together with someone that will make up for all those years of loneliness, all those tears and those nights crying.

Just believe, Love and Wait.
You'll be okay girlie. <3
5/31/2012 12:00:10 AM
Katie United States
Katie
On of my all time favorite quotes, I found when I was about 12 years old reading through one of my dads novels.  It states:
"A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale. After a while he realizes that she is beautiful -- he just hadn't noticed it at first.
--Lazarus Long"

It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, we all struggle at some point and time thinking or feeling we are not good enough or unloved.  The great thing is, as those chosen by Christ we rest in the assurance that He does love us and has a plan. Remember, things happen on His schedule, not ours. I'm sure those words may seem hollow, but the intention is true.

I personally had given up on dating when God had my now husband call me up out of the blue.  My pastors story was much of the same.  He told God he was going to stop looking and trust that the woman He had for him would come when he was ready.  

Sometimes it takes us a little while to get to the spot where God wants us.  Trust in Him and He will see you through.  God Bless!
5/31/2012 12:04:46 AM
Julissa United States
Julissa
1 Corinthians 13:4–8a
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (ESV)

love isn't rude meaning your perfect guy wont care what you look like. don't rush yourself to conclusions and reasons of things happening until you know Gods reasons. Maybe the guy you like isn't the one for you but God has a much better guy for you. Wait on God and acknowledge his presence cause you ight be hurting him if you say your alone when he said he'd be there with you forever. You are Gods princess...don't forget that (:

5/31/2012 12:10:17 AM
Evan United States
Evan
Vetting your potential spouse/mate/date is part of the natural process. Two wrongs don't make it right. Calling people with preference for girls on the lighter side shallow is as bad as calling you fat. I'm a 5'7" and 35 year old guy and get vetted on my height and age all the time. I have no chance on online dating due to predetermined parameters that ladies set up on their matching preferences. I've met my ex-GF's on natural environment who had the chance to see me, my personalities and values. Back to you, in my opinion sweet revenge is your best bet. Try aggressive approach to lose weight. Have you check out accupuncture? I know a handful of folks that gave a ton of credit for awesome results. Diet don't provide permanent results. Small meals of well balanced diet according to your body has proven scientific results. I'm a fitness trainer by leisure/hobby and I feel passionate about helping folks achieve their health goals. I've tried intense program such as Insanity work out. Google it. I had my 6 pack defined AFTER consistent workout and disciplined food plan. I can't imagine you not getting results from it or other similar intense workout. Who cares if you puke on first few days. I don't get paid for promoting them. Give you couple of months and I bet you'd be shopping in no time. How about a nice pumps and purse to with that. You'll see these dawgs will drool and do everything to get your attention. You can be thinner and I can't get taller. You're in better boat than me actually. When you get there, tell the guys to get a number in the waiting line.

God bless you.
5/31/2012 12:14:32 AM
Jake United States
Jake
A lot of guys (and girls) are shallow when it comes to physical appearance.  How often do we hear our Christian brothers and sisters even make a comment about someone's weight, or other part of their appearance? Why?

I'm 24 (and a guy), and getting married next month.  I didn't fall in love with my Fiancee because she's beautiful (though I do find her so).  I fell in love with her love for Christ, and drive to serve His Church, and His people.  

God loves you! He doesn't make junk! Paul (the apostle, and author of much of the new testament) wrote about a thorn in his side, given to him to keep him humble.  He prayed for release from this torment, but God replied that His grace is sufficient to endure it.  

We all have things in our lives that are difficult to get through, and sometimes they don't ever go away.  God still loves you though, and if you ask for it, His grace is sufficient to live on anyway.  

There are good men out there, and I'd wager even in your area.  Be a woman of God first. Stop looking for a husband, and when the time is right for God's plan (assuming that it is God's plan), a man who deserves you will step into your life.

Lastly, be open to the idea that God may not be calling you to be a girlfriend to a guy right now.  Perhaps he has something much better for you in the works Smile  In the words of Jesus (that He said more than anything else in the Gospels), "Do not be afraid."

  
5/31/2012 12:16:47 AM
Valerie Kingman United States
Valerie Kingman
I wasn't able to read all the comments (I'm supposed to be writing a research paper right now...oops), but I will say that your person just isn't there yet... I know that's a stupid crap answer and I hated it every time someone said it to me but I was in love with my best friend from elementary to high school and he would not notice me I was border-line overweight and I consistently felt the same way your message comes off. It was the hardest thing I ever did but I walked away from him, I threw away shirts that I had borrowed from him or little trinkets I had kept from our inside jokes... I only allowed him to be my best friend and nothing else. I started living to be happy, not to make him happy so that he'd realize we were supposed to be together and very soon I started seeing that he was not the person for me... It seemed as though he had changed - and I guess, in a way, he had... he was still my best friend that I could joke around with but I no longer looked at him wondering what it would be like to hold his hand or to be known as his girlfriend.
It took me about five minutes to sit in front of my trash can and convince myself that these old things of his are harmful to me but once I threw them in the trash I felt the weight lift.  I don't know where you are in your life, but stay strong and know that there are guys that like the chubby girls - not because they're chubby but because they just hang out and get to know who you are Smile
I can't promise you it won't always be this way - only God knows that, but stay strong, girl. Be you for you and God and not for a man (as difficult as that task may be) and happiness finds you.
Best of luck
Peace Sister!
5/31/2012 12:22:54 AM
Mark United States
Mark
I'm a 54 male, outgoing, in shape with a 7% bodyfat, but shy around beautiful women. I have noticed that fat girls who have a terrific outgoing personality have no trouble attracting great guys. Guys who are the same, with no money have no problem attracting great beautiful girls. I do. I am timid around beautiful girls. I also don't have much money. Most beautiful girls will pick guys with money over poor guys. Most guys will pick thin girls, even if the guys are fat.

The outgoing personality wins all the time, in both cases. Trouble is, I've known that for 54 years and have trouble asking beautiful girls out. Most of my friends have a hard time believing that because otherwise I'm very outgoing.

You want to attract a guy even though you are fat. Sorry, today's society doesn't work like that. I've been into health and nutrition counseling for the past 20 years, and using your thyroid as an excuse is just an excuse. Losing weight is extremely hard. If you really want to lose weight, start reading about high nutrient, high bulk food. In the class I took when becoming a health minister, the major complaint of the 300 people attending who were on the nutrition program was, how do I STOP losing weight. A diet of mostly raw vegetable greens, raw colorful vegetables and fruits, a half a cup of nuts and seeds a day, and homemade vegetable juices is their diet. If you feed your body nutrition, and not empty calories, it will automatically shed the extra weight. Research raw food diet. Your answer to losing weight is there. Attracting guys is up to your personality. Don't use sex, use personality, and the guys will stay around.

And most of all, pray for God's help in all of this.
5/31/2012 12:26:22 AM
Meg United States
Meg
Hey, I know how you feel, I'm overweight too and I wonder the same thing.  Your being brave enough to ask this question has helped out alot of us who are to shy to ask, thanks.  And you know, he might be feeling just the same as you.
5/31/2012 12:52:00 AM
Me United States
Me
I'm not sure how old you are, but I am 20 years old myself and have never been in a relationship. This is something that has been hard for me for a long time along with the possiblity that I would forever be alone. I am not going to tell you that companionship isn't important, because really, I think it is a beautiful thing. It wasn't until recently, as I had grown deeper in my relationship with God, that I have realized that before I can have a healthy, long lasting relationship with a man, that I must first rely soley on God. It is important that God come first now, and still come first in any human relationship I have. I actually see it as a blessing now, that I haven't been in a relationship yet.

Another thing I feel is important that I take care of before I enter into a relationship is my self-esteem issues. I have dealt with tis my entire life. Although I wouldn't like to admit it, I think that I seek validation in other things. Further, I think that part of me wanting to find a guy is to find my worth in him. However, without knowing your own worth and grounding yourself in the Lord, I don't think we can truly be happy. True happiness comes from God. First you must find it in him and see yourself how he sees you, beautiful you.

As far as physical appearance is concerned, remember that God made you and knew exactly what he was doing when he made you. This is hard for me to remember and truly believe sometimes. However, that said, I do not think that physical appearance is what does, or should be what keep people together. In this way I am greatful that guys don't seem to find me very physically attractive. I want to find a relationship that is genuine and a guy that loves me for who I truly am. Hold out for a relationship that means something. I do not know God's plans, therefore I can not tell you what your future holds.  However, God knows your future, he knows you, and he knows what you can handle. He loves you and has great plans for your life. The hard part is when we can't see His plans and get caught up in our own.

Honestly, this is something I still am struggling with. I think that it is somewhat of a process and something that needs to be renewed every day. Stay in contact with God always. It is hard not knowing God's plan for our lives, but when we focus on God, he will fulfill our needs and bring us far greater things than we could plan for ourselves.

I hope this was atleast somewhat helpful. If you would like to talk with me about anything, I would absolutely be willing. I know this is a painful time, but remember that God has you in His hands and sees you. He knows you inside and out, better than anyone will ever know you, and He loves you more than anyone will ever love you.
5/31/2012 2:23:06 AM
Jason United States
Jason
You are beautiful in God's eyes and ith prayer, you will find that special someone.  If I were not married, I would take you out on a date, being from Ohio myself, but alas I am taken Smile That special someone will see your heart and love you for that, not for the body they see before them.  Remember, God does not make junk, He makes things beautiful. Others just need to see this as well.
5/31/2012 2:50:50 AM
Sheena United States
Sheena
This may not make sense but I work at a hotel and I get guests all the time that say.. "this hotel dont look so good on the out side..." and it dont.. to be honest lol but I take them to a room just to show them that our hotel may not look perfect on the out side but what we offer on the inside (where it counts) looks good real good and its worth thier money and time. Laughing I always laugh and remind them what we were told at a young age... NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!  there is a man .. a man out there that God knows is perfect for you. sometimes.. well i know God has the right time for that person to come into your life.. we just have to have patience... love you girly.. Laughing smile it looks good on you!!
5/31/2012 3:05:50 AM
Molly United States
Molly
My name is Molly. I just turned 21. When I was little I was under weight. I had long hair. I was such a pretty child. Then I got teased for being too skinny. And my parents divorced. And I put on a lot of weight. Now at 21 I am at 200 pounds. I hate it. I am unhappy with how I look and I know people can tell. I always wear jeans and hoodies to hide my weight. What makes it worse is when all my friends and family keeps losing weight by doing nothing! Seriously....my mom went from a size 22 to a 16 and didn't change her diet or anything! And she works at McDonalds so she eats fast food a lot! Plus my Granny also lost a lot of weight! And several of my friends!

However I can share that not all guys are shallow. I have a very good friend who could tell how self conscious I was. He could tell I was having self esteem issues. And you know what he did? He grabbed his Bible and mine and showed me verse after verse that talked about where true beauty comes from. He showed me in Genesis where it says we are made in God's image. And this isn't the only guy friend who I have that has helped encourage me during this time of struggle.

I am single and I also struggle with loneliness. But after seeing my best friend who was over weight, get married to her best friend who didn't know she existed.....I have hope.

My advice: pray...give your feelings over to God. I may be young but I have found that God really can do anything. Also spend some time in the Word...God's love letter to His children. I don't have it all together and will never claim to be. But from one Ohio girl to another, if you need anything please feel free to email me at mshoaf@harding.edu
5/31/2012 3:09:37 AM
Darwin United States
Darwin
There are guys that give beautiful full girls a second glance, myself included. People who have God in their lives view others as how God sees us, with love. We are perfect to His eyes no matter how big or small we are. I've been divorced for 3 plus years now and I'm overweight. I've tried starting my life over but it's also hard to find a woman who sees past the outside. I know I have a good heart and remind myself of my worth. Keep seeking God and He will never let you down. He'll shine the path for you and who knows, maybe your best friend will realize that you were the one all along. Good luck and Hod bless you.
5/31/2012 3:09:56 AM
Darwin United States
Darwin
Oops God bless you.
5/31/2012 3:32:25 AM
Anonymous United States
Anonymous
I don't have the answer and can't speak for other guys but I will share something that may help. Not all guys are shallow. I have an athletic build but I once had a female friend with weight issues and I actually wanted to date her after I thought I knew her. That is my process for thin women as well; get to know them and see what's inside. I relate to your experience because the shoe was on the other foot. She never gave me a chance.  
5/31/2012 3:43:10 AM
Jul United States
Jul
God loves you. First, yes a lot of people think of being overweight as the worst thing. I am myself overweight from a thyroid condition, & to all the overweight girls & women who think they should do anything to be thin, trust me, I had bulimia/anorexia from 12 til a few years ago. It only weakens your body & makes it more likely to gain weight in the long run. There are a lot more challenges for overweight girls/women, I have had them all, but sometimes its not an if its a when. I would love to be married, to have a guy to bring into my life who loves God as deeply as I have to (have to because I suffer from a lot of health things & there was a time before I knew God/Christ as my savior I used to try to end my own life) trust me though, if you ask him & listen you'll find God's will for you, but don't expect a love to come right away. Wait for God's time. I am still waiting, & I am waiting to find my purpose, I love God, I know Him, but I struggle with a lot of self abuse, I come from an abused family so I see myself as worthless often, it takes a lot to fight past that. Still I have seen overweight ladies who fell in love & are blessed with loving husbands, so I know its possible, very rare yes, but possible, so don't lose faith, anonomys girl, God sees you, He knows you are lonely, He knows you wish for a human love, He won't ignore you, but one thing, talk to God about it, let yourself say it to God. Its easier. I took years to admit I wasn't happy & was frustrated because of things that happened or didnt happen in my life, I can't say I am free from doubt or loneliness or even from pain, but it is freeing to tell God you don't understand. But keep looking. Just remember having a human to love isnt going to make you feel complete, we've all got flaws, that will just bring a guy's flaws into your life. So really it takes a strong & opened relationship to be in love really, & if you can't tell your friend how you feel then maybe its better he doesn't know, because if you can be opened with him, he probably isnt right for you. God will show you, if you just tell God how you are feeling and ask for a guy to come into your life who will really love you for you. Sorry this is a bit long and chatty I'm a bit overtired but I felt for you when I read this & just had to say this to you, you are loved, by God, you have to be okay with yourself & admit where you are feeling weak, maybe God has a reason to keep you from being a thin girl so you don't end up with a guy who breaks your heart & interferes with your relationship with God. Keep your head up, learn to see yourself more as God sees you, I know that's hard but I know when God looks at you He sees a beautiful, perfect girl, because God can't see your flaws because of Christ's saving you. He will find a guy for you who sees your true self first & you flaws as an afterthought. God bless, but really ask God, talk to Him about your struggle with the guys who see you only on the surface, that helps alot sometimes.
5/31/2012 11:26:09 AM
Christine United States
Christine
I have been in your shoes, believe me.....here are some things to try:
1. Take care of your health. Okay, so you have a medical condition. Do some research and find out how to improve your health. So you may still end up overweight in the end, at least you can be healthy.
2. Dress well, don't try to "hide" your fat underneath bulky clothes. Accentuate your best assets. I love to wear a lot of dresses because then I won't have a big ole muffin top Smile And guys appreciate a feminine looking girl.
3. Pretend that you think you are confident and beautiful. If you keep pretending that for long enough, you will start to believe it.
4. Just live your life and be the best you that you can be. Someone will notice and appreciate it.
5. Smile.
6. DON'T TRY TOO HARD! Its very transparent.
When I did these things I found a great guy and we've been together for 4 years now.
5/31/2012 2:55:28 PM
Ingrid Arias Guatemala
Ingrid Arias
Hi,  my name is Ingrid and I´m a single mother from Guatemala.  My daughter will turn 20 tomorrow and now I look back and can see God´s hand in my life, even when I didn´t want to hear about Him until 11 years ago.

Now I preach to single mothers and it is so great to see how your pain and struggles can be turned into something good when you tell the women out there that it was God who has helped you all along.  The road hasn´t been easy and I had many struggles and there were times when I didn´t have money at all...I can now testify, I have been able to send my daughter on trips to Canada and Europe, and I hope that she goes to Boston to study music (she sings opera).  
Now, regarding us feeling lonely:  I had understood that God is the most important person in my life, and that He is there always, taking care of me and guiding my way.  Then, I know that someday, there will be someone for me...yes, I´m 40 and I still beleive this!  But....it has to be in His time...when I´m ready.

To those ladies feeling lonely:  my advise is to seek for God and ask Him to feel your lonliness....your lives will change.  And....finally:  it is not about your body...it is about attitude!  it is how you see yourself, and that is how the others will see you!

best,

Ingrid
5/31/2012 6:21:11 PM
Sarah Nielsen United States
Sarah Nielsen
You are not alone in this stuggle!!!! Yes, God is with you, but so are many other people, including myself.  I am overweight and have had lots of trouble losing weight due to medical issues.  As a result, I am and have been single for almost 5 years.  I am 33 and have no prospects.  I get sad and lonley sometimes too, but would rather be alone, than with someone who judges me by my weight.  I have a beautiful inside, but few have tried to look past the fat to see the real me.  Anyway, just wanted you to know you are not alone.
5/31/2012 7:17:13 PM
Jacks United States
Jacks
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6) I read your e-mail to Brant yesterday and my heart hurt for you. I saw my own loneliness reflected to a degree in yours. I do not have your weight issues, but am the opposite. I am short, very slender (most would cruelly say,"skinny"), I have scars from childhood illness, my eyes do not always function together (aka, lazy eye) and while I have been called beautiful, I have been alone all my life. I'm the one no one ever noticed in high school or college and in spite of trying to "get out there", nothing has come of it. There has not been anyone.  I am now 41 and still single. I'm thankful I belong to the Lord since I was 35 when He saved me, but I also struggle with deep loneliness, in spite of knowing that the Lord loves me. I have always wondered, "What about me?" as I've gone to one wedding after another or seen friends and acquaintances marry. I've come to the conclusion that I am meant to be alone and yet, I can't fully accept that. I still have the faint hope of meeting some godly man.

I say all of that about my own life to show you that you are NOT alone. I know it is difficult, especially with the weight problem because of the thyroid issue. I know the difficulty of a thyroid issue because I almost lost my mother because of an undiagnosed then misdiagnosed thyroid problem. I know what it is to not be noticed. I also know what it is to be lonely.

Unfortunately, many men are very deceived by this world, even the most godly men because they are influenced by the manipulations of media and so they do not look at women who are not like what they see on TV  and magazine covers. In spite of that, I know there are some men out there who have their heads on straight, who are godly and do not care about weight. I can't tell you what to do about your feelings for your best friend, but if the relationship means something to you, I would not tell him and leave it up to the Lord. Tell the Lord about it, about everything. Literally, give it all into His Hands. I've learned in the few years I've been a child of God, that He desires a close relationship and for His children to share everything with Him, no matter how big or small or how trivial it seems. He does care, dear Anonymous. You know that, but in turning to Him in your loneliness, He will give you a deeper revelation of Himself and also fill that loneliness with Himself, you'll see.

Ultimately, He is meant to be the only One who can fill the loneliness with His Presence and with His love, peace and joy. I know that isn't much comfort when you wish for a mate, but the Lord Jesus IS your Bridegroom and in His Eyes you are beautiful and perfect and He adores you as you are, more than you can begin to imagine. Seek Him, dear Anonymous. He is there for you, waiting for you to seek Him and when you cling to Him, He will not only take away the loneliness, but in time, He will bring the right man into your life and bring you into his life. God bless you.
6/1/2012 12:17:57 AM
Dale United States
Dale
I absolutely agree with Daniel, and believe me when I tell you I understand being lonely. Three weeks ago today my wife of 24 years passed away very suddenly. I felt like I had a black hole where my heart should be. I can't even consider looking for someone for at least 18 months, and I hope God does not give me anyone until I am comfortable living alone. God is the only real answer to the crushing lonliness I feel.  She was overweight when we met, and it did not matter, I was instantly attracted by her smile. I saw her face and that was the last I saw of my heart. I pray that God will grant you the perfect person for you as He did for me.I do not know if I will ever take off my wedding ring, but I do know that God has a great deal of work to do in my heart to prepare me for whatever the future holds. I pray that you find comfort in God's arms, as I have.
6/1/2012 5:24:39 AM
raelee United States
raelee
No, not all men are shallow.  Although I think many people, both men and women, judge the outside to some extent.  And yet many people say of their mate that looks are irrelevant.  I personally don't look at my husband and think "ugly" or "beautiful"... I see someone who is utterly and completely precious.  I kinda wonder if that is how God sees us when we are covered by Jesus blood?  Or for that matter, maybe He sees everyone as precious, even in their sin, and that is why He sent Jesus.  Wow. Sorry, getting back on topic...

Finding a mate and getting married doesn't necessarily cure loneliness. In my opinion, you need to find peace within yourself. Lots of people go through life thinking if I only had a husband, if I only had a baby, if I only had a million dollars, if I only wore a size 4... fill in the blank... I'd be happy.  No, you need to find contentedness with yourself and the Lord.  Once you have that, other things will amaze and astound you.  One thing that helped me to get out of my self-pity party was to keep a list of all the blessings in my life.  I'm struggling right now because I had to move to a new city and I don't have any friends here... (only my husband, and he works all day, and I can't find a job here... if I only had a job!!) but I'm pressing into God, because I know that is what really matters.  

I just want you to know that I understand. I've struggled with same things you're struggling with, and this is what I have learned.  My husband is a blessing, but he is human. Only God is infallible, and only the spiritual, eternal things really matter.
6/1/2012 6:20:08 PM
Bre United States
Bre
Well to honest yes ther are lots of guys who will show love for the big girls. Just be patient and prayerful. If you are a God fearing woman He is protecting you from being with someone who will mistreat you. I know this is easier said than to believe but stay in prayer, God will bring you the right man.
6/3/2012 6:29:20 PM
cab009 United States
cab009
Coming from a little different perspective: I'm pretty tiny for my age, and don't really look my age either.  Sometimes it seems like guys only want a full figured woman, and it used to get me down a lot, but I've learned to accept my body the way God made me.  

Jonny Diaz has a song called "More Beautiful You" and there's a part in the song that goes: "Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come you starve yourself to play the part,
but I can promise you there's a man whose love is true and he'll treat you like the jewel you are."

Not sure if this has helped, but just to let you know you're not alone.
6/4/2012 9:13:24 AM
TP United States
TP
My heart breaks for you. I hate the honest answer. What is on TV, in magazines, movies, etc. there is a standard. Physical appearance matters WAY more than it should. I hate typing that, but you wanted brutally honest...

I want to tell you something that may be a glimmer of hope. A buddy of mine struggles with his weight.  In his early thirties he found someone that saw him for who he is. She loves him. He is getting married soon. She is a follower of Jesus and I think that has a lot to do with it. She sees beauty more like God does than the average American.

God's heart breaks for you, and he has a promise for you. Someday, there will be no such thing as loneliness, or sadness. Everything, one day, will be put right.

I’m sorry I cannot remember the exact verse- I think in Isaiah or Psalms- that the LORD is your husband. He’s in your corner. You won’t be lonely forever. That is a promise He made.  
6/4/2012 11:38:08 AM
Amie United States
Amie
I just saw this, and I just wanted to encourage you. First, from my life. I am exactly 5 foot and have been since 7th grade. When I met my now husband, I weighed about 170. When we got married, around 190-200. Recently I just got under 230 before getting pregnant with our first child. I was always really insecure about my weight. I asked him often why he thought me beautiful. He'd respond with smile, eyes, hair, godly heart, etc. Early in our marriage I was very insecure about my body and how it effected my attractiveness. It turns out the bigger turn off was how self-conscious I was. My husband is a wonderful godly man who has helped me to learn to love my body no matter what shape it is in and has been a great support as I've taught myself to live a healthier life.

Secondly, from scripture. I'd really encourage you to take a good look at the female voice in Song of Songs (Song of Solomon). At one point the man tells her of how beautiful she is and how attractive he finds her. She responds by telling him to look away. Her skin is dark from working in the fields, she does not dress like the high born ladies or smell as sweet. She is ashamed of her appearance, yet he loves her so deeply that even her "flaws" are beautiful. Hold out for such a man who will love you and see you as completely beautiful inside and out and the result will be sweeter than I could ever say.
6/5/2012 7:53:17 AM
rabidhunter United States
rabidhunter
You don't have to worry about winning the heart of every man.  You will capture the heart of just one man, the right one.  All the other men won't matter to you.  You don't need the attention and affection of many men.  It's going to be that one man that will matter the most.

God will bring the right man into your life, the one who will devote his life to loving you.  Don't sell yourself short.  You have to trust God to heal your wounds and trust in His perfect timing.  He may bring somebody into your life in a way you least expect.

I met my bride online through a Christian Chatroom.  She was looking for a female pen pal, and I was just looking to connect with Christians my age.

She got me as a pen pal, we became friends.  Then from a long distance friendship, came a courtship.  We are now getting ready to celebrate our fourth anniversary.  My bride is overweight, but I think she is a very beautiful woman inside and out.
6/6/2012 11:20:59 AM
Angie United States
Angie
Dear Ohio Listener,

There are so many comments on this post already that you might never see mine.  Maybe you don't even need it anymore, maybe the others were enough to give you strength and open your eyes wholy to God's perfect plan.  But even so, I feel as if I need to leave a comment of my own, from a slightly different perspective.  I don't know if anyone else needs to specifically read my comment, but if you do, I trust that God will lead you all the way down to the bottom of the page and what you really need to hear.

So here is my story:

I am a 14 yearold girl who starts High School in August.  I am what this culture would like to define as your "stereotypical dork".  Church and family members have always been generous when giving me compliments about my appearance and I thank them for that.

But at school, I've never been known to have an admirer.  I am in all advanced classes and I spend a lot of time reading (novels and the Bible), writing stories and playing instruments.  So in a way, my hobbies have alienated me from those people would consider "POPULAR".  I don't have many friends and I often feel lonely.

I am in a situation where others would say I have no right to complain.  I have good grades, a family who loves me, am average weight, decent at sports, etc.  Yet I still feel alone sometimes, like I don't fit in.  But I always feel selfish and ungrateful when I voice this.  I mean, God has given me so much, so how can I be unhappy?  That is why this station is such a blessing: I can find comfort without feeling selfish or ungrateful.

I have put my trust in God and have taken as much comfort from this post as you have.

People at school often say to me:
"Why don't you wear makeup?"
"If you didn't choose such plain/simple clothes, guys would notice you more."
"If you didn't act like such a nerd, you'd have more friends."
"If you tried harder, the boys might think you were hot."
Etc...

My response to them is this:

Why do I want them to think of me as "hot"?  I don't want to be considered "hot" by a cultural standard that dictates that a girl is desirable only when she wears skimpy clothes, is half-naked all of the time, wears makeup to cover all of her face and dyes her hair with strange colors.  I don't want to be considered "hot" by a culture that says that God has no place in our society.

I DON'T WANT TO FIT IN A STANDARD THAT GOD DOESN'T FIT IN.

So any boy that wants to date me has to want me the way that I look, the way that I feel comfortable looking.

So take heart, anyone who has bothered to read this, we don't need acceptance from this world and culture, because Jesus wasn't accepted either, when he was one this Earth.  We don't need worldly acceptance because our heavenly Father has accepted us.

May you always feel the Love of God surround you,
Angie
6/6/2012 10:06:29 PM
Corey United States
Corey
149 responses is more than i can read so apologies if what i post has already been said,
but from reading the article and a few replies i'm upset by 2 points:

1.) several just blaming guys calling them shallow.  you're just putting the fault on someone else.

your body was not designed by God/nature to be obese, if it's obese there's reasons for it and ime the root problem is inside your mind/heart and you need to look there inside yourself to fix it.  overeating is just a manifestation/result.  what most obese people think is people are frowning at them because their physical appearance; that's not true; others know that the real problem is on the inside and it's not being addressed it's being ignored or blame pushed elsewhere it doesn't belong.  It's not a lot different than self-mutilation, anorexia; the problem is inside, and if you're not working on it - how do you expect it to be solved?  people may not be frowning because how you look, but because they see someone in denial and not trying to fix their problem, the same way they may frown at an alcoholic who continues to claim they're a social drinker.  most of us like honesty and truth, denying you have a problem is unsightly to others.

2.) your male friend - it sounds like he is being an actual friend to you, but you are not being a friend to him, and that bothers me, why aren't you?  why don't you care about him as a person?  instead you're focusing on sex and romance.  it's not unlike having a married same-gender friend and you're focusing on sex and romance toward their spouse; it's wrong.  please stop.  be this guy's true friend, that's all.

me, you, everyone (in America at least) needs to focus on improving our own souls and quit wigging out so much on anything earthly at all - lack of a romantic involvement, lack of money, physical disabilities, etc.  i'm not doing so great on this myself but the important thing to me is i am striving to, that's my main focus; i don't have as a main focus getting a romance, nicer car, etc.; and with potential early (earthly) death from so many outside forces i'm not even concerned with longevity on this earth - i just want to do whatever good i can while i'm here with the tiny amount of ability God gave me.  

i'm not saying it's easy, i'm saying please think about pointing yourself in the right direction, don't get sidetracked into earthly crap, and romance is at the top of the heap.  children starving in Somalia aren't wigged out they don't have a gf/bf,  they'd be happy with some water and a piece of bread.

on the bright side, once you get to Heaven:  you won't be obese.  and you won't lack for love.  for whatever reason we simply have to suffer for about 80yrs approximately on this horrible planet, but that's nothing compared to eternity.  from what i can gather we're here to learn something each of us individually is supposed to learn; work to see if you can figure out what that is, it's probably better to focus on finding that than on what you weren't given while on earth but will receive in Heaven anyway.  

6/6/2012 10:11:57 PM
Cheese Doodle Bandit United States
Cheese Doodle Bandit
Corey, please come back when you have found a cure for every single medical condition that people cannot control that makes them overweight.
6/7/2012 6:13:34 AM
Corey United States
Corey
"Cheese Doodle Bandit United States
Corey, please come back when you have found a cure for every single medical condition that people cannot control that makes them overweight."
you have got to be kidding me.

what a jerk.  in denial.  good luck.  don't even have the guts to say merely your first name, oh wait maybe you actually gave your complete and full name, i'm sorry.  what was that name again, cheese dick gobbler?  yankee doodle deniar?

a brief science lesson for you:
if an empty 1 liter bottle sits on a table and you pour in 1 ounce of water,
it's not physically possible for that bottle to later contain 2 ounces.

but hey.
6/7/2012 9:56:17 AM
Nicole United States
Nicole
Dear sweet, young, precious woman. I am a 43 year old woman who has a beautiful face and is overweight. 1) Please do not be hard on yourself. 2) Please smile. 3) A 'real man' will love you for and help you with #1 and #2!

Our Father in Heaven created you because He wants someone just like you! Surely He created a man who also wants someone just like you! There's no shortage of ignorance in this world but try not to worry, ok? The truth is: you're awesome!
6/7/2012 1:49:06 PM
Diana United States
Diana
Dear Corey,

Thank you for that lovely comment.  Science lesson: a 1-liter bottle is not the same thing as a human body.  A 1-liter bottle cannot have thyroid disorders.  A 1-liter bottle cannot be overweight.  

Maybe you have a perfect body, but is that any reason to put down those who don't?  Maybe you're right, and maybe some people can indeed control what their body looks like.  But not everyone can.  Please don't judge Anonymous Ohio Woman's looks like this until you have been in her exact situation.  


John 13:35 ~ By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

For some strange reason, I just don't think that means pointing fingers and using foul language.  Never has that kind of response made anyone feel encouraged.  You may say it, and I won't deny it - I need to do some major work in that area.  Don't we all?  I'm not going to excuse my lack of love; I'm going to (attempt to) work on it.  With Christ, all things are possible.

God bless you, brother Corey, and may you find true peace and joy.

Sincerely,

Cheese Doodle Bandit
6/7/2012 1:50:57 PM
Diana United States
Diana
Cheers to your response, Angie.  I just have to quote you.

I DON'T WANT TO FIT IN A STANDARD THAT GOD DOESN'T FIT IN.

(If you are reading this, Corey, it has nothing to do with you.)
6/7/2012 1:51:55 PM
Diana United States
Diana
John 16:33 ~ These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
6/7/2012 4:28:15 PM
Corey United States
Corey
okay thank you CDB, but pleeease I am serious, re-read what I posted and don't let denial make you react.   truly read it.  I don't have any great bod, I am old and handicapped in multiple ways.  It just bothers me when I see nontruths keep people oppressed and down.  Facing truth isn't easy, I'm simply saying please try because you won't solve earthly problems without doing so.

And 2ndly I emphasized this stuff is only earthly problems so please don't get too worked up about it; I can't underemphasize this point.

6/8/2012 4:14:55 AM
Zibus United States
Zibus
Probably no one will read this, but I wanted to throw my two cents in.

1st. I'm a guy who's always grown up in a Christian home. 2nd. I'm kinda young, late teens.

We guys live in a world where the culture surrounds us everyday with the message the girl's body is what's most important. I just got back from a camp with a relatively strict dress-code. I didn't see one questionably dressed girl all week. It was amazing. Seeing that, and then seeing how women, even Christian women, routinely dress made me realize just how much it is out there. Every billboard, every commercial, every random girl on the street tells us that the body is the girl's most important asset.

When you've been bombarded with that since childhood, it's hard to shake off the chains. But it can be done. I have a friend who is, honestly, overweight and ugly. But she's awesome! She loves to laugh and have fun. I don't know her particularly well, but I've gotten to the point where I can look past her body. Before, that would be the first thing I'd notice, now, doesn't bother me.

If a guy knows you, and takes the time to get to know you, he can learn to look past your appearance. Yes it may be difficult, but he can do it. And truth be told: If he likes you, he won't care if the world calls you ugly, not beautiful, fat. The girl I like the most right now is called those things. She's called herself those things in my hearing... But I think she's beautiful. And it's more about how she acts than how she looks.

Don't give up! There is hope! Men are not all shallow hogs! Here's the best advice I can give you-

"A Woman's heart should be so lost in God, that any Man who wants her should have to find Him first to get it."

Love God, trust Him, and even if He doesn't bring you a guy, He loves you no matter what.

After all, He made you, right?
6/8/2012 10:45:22 AM
Cheese Doodle Bandit United States
Cheese Doodle Bandit
You didn't read anything I posted, did you, Corey?

All the same, just to make you happy, I will take another look at your comment.

"your body was not designed by God/nature to be obese"
~You're right, it wasn't.  But that was already  pushed away by the very first man and woman, and we've inherited their problems.

"if it's obese there's reasons for it and ime the root problem is inside your mind/heart and you need to look there inside yourself to fix it.  overeating is just a manifestation/result."
~Please stop trying to analyze a stranger's heart like you're God.  You're not.

"people may not be frowning because how you look, but because they see someone in denial and not trying to fix their problem, the same way they may frown at an alcoholic who continues to claim they're a social drinker.  most of us like honesty and truth, denying you have a problem is unsightly to others."
~Go to an American high school or college to observe for several months, and then come back and see if you can still truthfully say that.

" why don't you care about him as a person?  instead you're focusing on sex and romance."
~When does Anonymous Ohio Woman EVER say that's what she's interested in?  She loves the guy.  Love does NOT = sex.

"me, you, everyone (in America at least) needs to focus on improving our own souls and quit wigging out so much on anything earthly at all - lack of a romantic involvement, lack of money, physical disabilities, etc."
~I agree.  Whole-heartedly.  And I'm praying you will see just what you've written here.

"children starving in Somalia aren't wigged out they don't have a gf/bf,  they'd be happy with some water and a piece of bread."
~1. Anonymous Ohio Woman is not a child.  2. She doesn't live in Somalia.  3. She can't help where she was born (so don't you dare judge her for supposedly "not caring").  4. Love/loving a soul mate is a basic God-given longing.

"for whatever reason we simply have to suffer for about 80yrs approximately on this horrible planet...from what i can gather we're here to learn something each of us individually is supposed to learn"
~One of those things we're supposed to learn, AND put into practice, is LOVING people.  Not necessarily like she's looking for, but if you've read the Bible, you should know what I mean.

you say you are old.  Maybe things were as you say they should be when you were young.  But they're not.  Times have changed dramatically, even in just the last 40 years.

One more thing...

"what a jerk.  in denial.  good luck.  don't even have the guts to say merely your first name, oh wait maybe you actually gave your complete and full name, i'm sorry.  what was that name again, cheese dick gobbler?  yankee doodle deniar?"
~Would you care to explain why this popped up in your second comment?

Prayers going out for you, dear brother in Christ Corey.
6/8/2012 10:55:57 AM
Momto2Aspies United States
Momto2Aspies
Some guys are shallow, yes.  Those are the ones you just need to walk past and pray for. Smile.  As for the weight, God does not make mistakes.  We are ALL created in his image.  I have been overweight most of my adult life. I too have a thyroid issue; it was not until my late 20's that a doctor actually took the time to explain ALL the implications of uncontrolled thyroid....or in my case, non-producing. I struggled with my weigh and self-esteem for a long time....until God got ahold of me and set me straight.  When it finally set in that HE does not make mistakes and we are ALL created in HIS image, I realized that He loved me for WHO I AM, WHO HE CREATED ME TO BE AT THIS MOMENT.  Once I accepted that gift he gave me, I realized that I could be (and needed to be) happy for who I was.  When WE were ready, I knew that He would be there to guide me through the weight loss. He's still there 8 years later when the weight came back qnd He's reminding me AND you of the gift He's giving.   Be yourself. Be happy with who God has created you to be in this moment AND in God's time, the right guy will come along. Smile
6/8/2012 11:15:56 AM
Jackie United States
Jackie
Our hope is not in man - it is in God.  He saw that Adam was lonely - just as He sees you as well.  If God could create Eve, He can surely create a man for you and only you.  Sometimes looking in the world you will find shallow men.  But placing your hope in the Lord, who knows every heart, knows exactly the right heart for you.  Don't miss who the Lord sends, you yourself might have Romeo in mind - but the truth is, God looks upon the heart - you should as well.  Don't feel that time is running out, put away your fears.
6/9/2012 6:12:19 AM
Corey United States
Corey
this is the kind of comment that continue to oppress and keep people down:

"He can surely create a man for you and only you."

if you mean that while on this earth you can expect this gift, then you will remain oppressed by your own denial and lack of seeking God.  you're not seeking God in that you're seeking man.

and believing a comment like that, note it's from a human not a message from God, will set you up to falter in faith when it does not occur for you while on this earth.

God didn't promise you a rose garden, He didn't promise you a spouse, He does promise you Heaven AFTER this earthly life. Expecting Heaven's gifts while on earth is bad advice.  appreciating the ones that come your way is wise; expect nothing, appreciate everything good.


this is a good article, it applies here:
news.yahoo.com/.../...s-not-special-145709954.html

and this is why it applies (comments on that article):
___________
Phil T.
It's amazing how awestruck we get when someone states the simple truth.

Little Lady
Idiocracy is alive and well. People forget the simple things sometimes.

James
We get awestruck because so few people speak or believe simple truths. We get excited that someone actually said what should have been said.
___________

but go ahead and keep yourself down and "fight" me on the matter, all I can do is try to help, the rest is up to you.

I wish you all the best.
6/9/2012 9:01:57 AM
Charles United States
Charles
Hi all that have responded.
It breaks my heart to feel the pain some of you are feeling.
I cant explain in words the love i feel for you and im just a man of God.
How much more must God our father feel the heart ache. His love is so so much more.

Live in love and focus on love which is God remember God is love.

The isssue's are exactly that Issue's.
If we live concerned in the issue's we live by mans law.
It's a shame that we even get cuaght up in this whirl wind of man's standards.

I believe this is exactly why it is written,

For all that is in the world the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eye's and the pride of life is not of the Father, but is of the world.

Live by love, Enjoy your life my loves !! and every single person in your path as your "our" father loves us.
The Truth is that we live in complete darkness if we look at outward apperrances.

We judge on basis of looks, money, ect.

If we could meet all those in our lives as someone that truely is blind we would'nt be able to judge as society has tuaght us.
We would have to listen not Knowing if we were talking to a homelesss person and rich man or a rock star.
As we conversed with them we could only grasp if the one we talked with was a compasionate person or worldly.
Seek with all your heart to gain a better understanding of true love as i too seek for this daily.
If you focus on Love you will walk down the right path and God will give you your hearts desire.
You will know them by there fruit. LOVE

Your Brother,friend and servant in Christ.
I truely love you all. God Bless
6/9/2012 10:34:35 AM
Jackie United States
Jackie
Maybe Corey's real name is Corey Schlep Rock. Is he or she a real voice of reason?  Hope is unseen - so who has the corner on that? Hope being unseen and in the Lord, anything is possible.   Wow - I wouldn't want to sit under his/her ministry. Yikes!
6/9/2012 2:58:41 PM
Cheese Doodle Bandit United States
Cheese Doodle Bandit
Even if you never come back here, Corey, may God bless you with exactly what you need.

If you do come back, answer me this one question: Why did David pray?
6/11/2012 9:26:39 AM
Marcy United States
Marcy
I've seen quite a few hot guys with overweight girls.  I struggle myself with being happy with my size.  I am reading a book called "Made to Crave" it's about craving God, not food.  I am still struggling.  On a different note I remember when I was 20, i was so ready to have a steady boyfriend.  I was really lonely too.  I will pray for you.  One mistake I made that I pray you don't make is not waiting till I was married to live with my boyfriend.  Saving yourself is a big deal.  Wait till the wedding day.  I wish I did.  Jesus asks that of us.  Meditate on his love for you! Sending you love and best wishes!
6/11/2012 11:55:43 AM
Beth United States
Beth
I would agree with those who are encouraging you to let the real you shine through -let others get to know you. When I was around 13 yrs old (I'm 34 now) -that's when kids can be VERY shallow!- I met a guy who was friends with a guy I had a huge crush on. Upon meeting him, I did not find anything attractive about his appearance. The guy I liked was not interested in me and I spent a large part of the night talking to this friend of his... then we exchanged phone numbers and I began to talk on the phone with him and really got to know him. I didn't seem him again for a while but I began to really like him just by getting to know him. And when we did meet again -suddenly there WAS physical attraction. It really does have everything to do with getting to know who's on the inside. Keep taking it to God, sweet girl. He can change your heart and give you the courage you need to let His light shine through you -which will undoubtedly attract the right person at the right time.
6/11/2012 12:20:10 PM
Sussy United States
Sussy
you don't have to be sexy for the world, be sexy for the lord!!!!
6/11/2012 12:26:02 PM
Abby United States
Abby
You probably won't reach mine, but know this,
the purpose of being a christian is to be and act like Jesus. Jesus was not always treated with respect(even if he was the son of God), but he showed love to those that needed it the most. That is our assignment, to spread love, and peace, while having faith in God.
I have never seen you before, but I can tell that you are absolutely beautiful, I can tell through you actions, that you are very beautiful. The rest of the people who wrote comments(except Sussy) agree with me, or they wouldn't have bothered writing to u.
Don't even think about suicide, you r are worth more than that.
6/11/2012 1:29:21 PM
Abby United States
Abby
You probably won't reach mine, but know this,
the purpose of being a christian is to be and act like Jesus. Jesus was not always treated with respect(even if he was the son of God), but he showed love to those that needed it the most. That is our assignment, to spread love, and peace, while having faith in God.
I have never seen you before, but I can tell that you are absolutely beautiful, I can tell through you actions, that you are very beautiful. The rest of the people who wrote comments(except Sussy) agree with me, or they wouldn't have bothered writing to u.
Don't even think about suicide, you r are worth more than that.
6/11/2012 2:23:22 PM
Dale United States
Dale
Please,please, please, I beg of you NOT to consider suicide! One month ago today I lost my wife of 24 years. I still don't know how she died, and not knowing is tearing me up. I am holding tightly to God for comfort, but there is still a very large hole in my heart. Please do not harm yourself, thnk of those you would leave behind.
6/11/2012 8:31:47 PM
Chris United States
Chris
Unfortunately there are a lot of shallow guys (and gals) out there, but there are also many guys who look past a persons weight.  I find confidence to be a quality even more important than beauty.  I've known girls who are beautiful on the outside, but have zero confidence and guys don't look their way twice because of it. I also know girls who are overweight that have no problem in the dating world because they are confident.  It's not that they are confident because they think they have a good personality and are a good person or whatnot, but because they know Christ is on their side.  The point is, if you can get a guy to notice you because of your confidence, maybe he'll see past your weight "issue" and see YOU for who you really are.

P.S.
I don't know about Ohio, but guys in Tennessee appreciate a woman that can cook and make sweet tea as sweet as they are.
6/12/2012 2:22:56 PM
john pecora United States
john pecora
It's really what's on the inside that matters.  Looks aren't enough, show a guy who you really are and your dedication to Christ and you will attract the RIGHT man.
6/12/2012 2:43:50 PM
danii United States
danii
i have no clue if anyone has already said this but, just turn your worries to God sweety, and when he feels the time is right God will bring you the man made for you Smile God puts desires in you that he plans to fulfill, in HIS time. dont try to rush God but be patient and content with where you are in your life, for that is what God expects of us, but just remember that one day when God wills it he will fulfill your desire of having a husband Smile be patient and ALWAYS bring everything to God Smile and when God decides he will bring you the man made for you Smile i will keep you in my prayers
6/17/2012 12:21:58 PM
jarred C. United States
jarred C.
i haven't read all of the comments, so forgive me if i am repeating something someone already said. i am 20 and still single, i never look at how a girl looks to decide if i want to try a relationship. i look at their personality and i think more people need to do that when they are looking for a husband/wife in their lives, because the person may change(weight, wrinkles, hair, etc...) but that persons personality will always be the same. hang in there girl, someone will come along who loves you for who you are. not what you look like. good luck, and God bless you.
6/17/2012 2:11:27 PM
Ben United States
Ben
I'm a little late commenting, but I'd like to say that I have a girlfriend who has a pretty face, but is also overweight. It doesn't really bother me. Of course if like if she was a little skinnier, but as Proverbs 31 says, beauty fades. I'm more interested in he spiritual beauty.
6/20/2012 10:52:22 AM
Lauren A. United States
Lauren A.
Dear Anonymous...

i do not suffer this, but, truth be told, my outer beauty is eh....about average, slightly lower... ANYWAY. i am only 13, but i think you, being older than me, have a great chance to find that someone. and yes, a TON of guys out there are extremely shallow. but, on the contrary, there are many others who don't care much about a person's weight. they care more of spiritual beauty than what is on the outside. for example, all my friends who happen to be guys are NOT SHALLOW AT ALL. i think if you lean on God and trust him completely, you will find that guy. these things take time.
sorry about the late commenting, but i don't get on often.
GOOD LUCK OUT THERE Smile
6/20/2012 10:58:31 AM
Merlin United States
Merlin
My apartment manager introduced me to a woman who lived in the same complex.  When we met on a totally blind date, yeah I noticed that she was definitely in the plus sized category.  Although she does have a very pretty face.  I invited her out on another date and she accepted.  My attitude was ok I see what you look like.  Looks can and do change.  What I wanted to get to was the heart issues.  Since if I marry this person, I have to live with her everyday for my life or hers.  We both loved what we saw.  We have been married nearly eight years now.  Neither of us want out!
6/21/2012 1:41:40 PM
Rhonnie United States
Rhonnie
Anonymous,

I am sorry that you're lonely, but I think being single and walking with the Lord is one of the biggest blessings. When we can be on our own and be fulfilled because of HIM, then we will be fine with a guy, without a guy, with an awesome dog or cats or whatever your little heart desires. If it is God's will to bring a wonderful, most importantly Godly man (and don't settle for less!!) into your life then that would be great. And wouldn't it be twice as great for it to happen when you least expect it, when you're not looking but completely satisfied on your own with God being number one? As far as looks are concerned, have you (or those commenting who seem to say the same thing) thought about how the "I'm overweight but my face is pretty!" argument is flawed? That "big girl" and "pretty face" are both external qualities? I mean, what about big girls who don't have a so-called "pretty face?" I have thought this before when I've been disgusted with men ogling big boobs, and "Ugh! How piggish is he." But really how different is it that he would ogle a girl's pretty face? I don't know, just a thought. Looks are Looks are Looks. There are probably skinny girls too who feel lonely and self-conscious because they don't feel that they have a pretty face. Anything looks-based is technically "shallow" and you can find love regardless of weight, height, hair color, face, no face, no arms and legs, etc. God thinks you're beautiful and the right man will as well. (Besides, is there a perfect-looking man out there? Hayyyck no and we wouldn't want one that way).
7/4/2012 11:38:29 PM
JustanotherGuy United States
JustanotherGuy
I was only able to read about 1/10th of the huge number of comments on here but I wanted to give a slightly different perspective on the overweight issue.

For reasons other than outward beauty, I do admit that I am looking for a girl that would be considered "fit". Due to my interests in outdoor physical activities that I wish to share with my future spouse (biking, hiking, tennis, etc.), I would have a hard time pursuing a relationship with a women that was incapable of such strenuous activities.
8/5/2012 10:02:30 AM
jon87 Israel
jon87
i like your blog. i have also blog at pinchednerveinlowerbacktretment.wordpress.com
10/23/2012 6:42:00 PM
JustDishon United States
JustDishon
Meh....people are people, we all have our own opinions and interpretation of what beauty is. It doesn't surprise me anymore how people are willing to "settle" with what they think they deserve instead of putting on their big girl/boy undies and be alone.
Maybe that's the problem, it's not your looks but rather the air of desperation that people emit. I've seen plenty of "odd couples" and the women are so confident in themselves that you can't tell them nothing bad about their looks. Writer's problem is the lack of self esteem, it's no they "shallow guys" it's you.
10/29/2012 2:19:13 PM
Lewis United States
Lewis
To be honest.  Physical attraction is important to me.  Having a hot looking woman means the world to me.  There were a few times I tried dating women who were not attractive, but hot good personalities.  But no matter I tried, and I tried, I just couldn't get past that lack of physical attraction.  But that's just me.  On the other hand, I dated hot looking women, but they had a rotten personality.  So in a woman, she has to have both.  But that's the way it is.  If I had struggles getting the kind of woman I desire, there is nothing wrong with investing in a great cosmetic surgeon and improving the way I looked.  
11/9/2012 9:14:37 PM
Dennis Teel United States
Dennis Teel
i don't take many if any of these posts seriously,as the first thing all of them do ,is the attempt to turn preference into something called shallow//people ahve preferences and it has nothing to do with discrimination or shallowness.some men prefer over weight women,some skinny,some black,some white,etc..it
s called preference..period.i get irritated when reading of how having preference equates to being shallow or discrimination.while i feel sorry for anyone that isn't getting dates due to their weight,the answer isn't to confuse preference with being shallow.i date within my own race(i'm white) because that's what i'm completely comfortable with and no i do not dislike or hate minorities. i don't date to be diverse.i date to have fun with someone and if a relationship ensues,so be it.i date someone i'm attracted to.a lot of guys aren't attracted to over weight women..period.live with it.stop blaming your lonliness on guys that have preference.that's most people btw,not just the male gender.preference is normal..not shallow.
11/10/2012 4:02:07 PM
chosen United States
chosen
Wow! All I can say.As I type I feel my heart beating fast and super emotional.I know this feeling all to well.It's a Saturday afternoon as I was watching a movie I looked in my living room and saw that I was "alone".I turned the tv off and typed on my phone..I'm feeling alone and I want God to speak to me.This was the 1st web site to pop up.I click on it and as I'm reading down the comments I see so much of my life and God speaking directly to my heart.I must admit as i was reading I couldn't help to cry.I know my God is with me and he just preparing the best for me. God bless you all.
11/19/2012 10:52:57 AM
very serious says United States
very serious says
if GOD really loved me, he should have given me the luck to have met the right woman in my life. i was married at one time, but she was the one that cheated on me. i loved her very much at the time, and i never mistreated her at all. now that i am trying to find love again, i seem to meet the real very nasty women instead of a good one. it is very hard for a good man like me that goes to work, and then have to come home to an empty house with no one to talk too. loneliness is certainly no fun at all, and the men and women that were very fortunate to have met one another and have a family should be very thankful for having each other. and since i have no one to stay home too, i will go out every single night just to be around other people. i really do hope that GOD will bless me with GOOD LUCK to meet the right woman for me, it will be like winning the lottery.
11/26/2012 5:29:07 PM
Kyle United States
Kyle
I didn't want to believe it but experience has taught me that certain *Kinds* of places attracts certain types of people.

For example if you ever go or previously went to bars a lot to look for women (or men) you're either going to find abusers who sniff energeticly for weak prey or find those who are depressed that should be treated like a basket of eggs whoom demand too much of your attention or they'll crack.

Libraries seem to attract older women or men in their 50s and onwards but in the right time of day you can find young people (25 or lower) but it's a library and not a place to chat unless it's held real brief.


I don't like getting into  politics but Liberals and their media have good ideas on paper for treating people right but they focus too much on bashing *Republicans* and *Christians* because of the 5 percents that control the world banking system to get anything done right.

Liberalism is pretty much a joke because of that unless they are older and more mature about the world around them.  

The younger Liberals are the ones that are fake and don't deserve the privilege of their title due to letting the Media get away spinning stories.
11/26/2012 5:48:44 PM
Kyle United States
Kyle
This is a response mainly to Very Serious but anybody can read if they wish.

I am a lonely person too as all my friends several years ago abandon me with their lives without even saying anything to me even though they know I am *sensitive* and supposingly worked things out.   So now I am struggling if I should let go of them for good or not.  

It's caused me to give up going to church which I struggle wondering if I should go back because I know the church itself isn't bad just those people I made friends with but I am afraid of not having anyone to talk to about what I hear as as the pastor does a very good job speaking which is rare for a church.    








11/26/2012 5:50:56 PM
Kyle United States
Kyle
Final comment 6.  Final Fantasy 6.....ehhhhhhh never mind!



Now Here is an interesting website that explains about ways of attracting negative energy via hidden thought forms either through yourself or even other people.    
If you are not careful the wrong person can set you down a bad path without uttering ONE single word.  

www.deliberatereceiving.com/...les-vibrations.html    I hope it works from a comment form as it's not spam.  
It's related to this post about negative problems and what can be done to be more positive.



Here is a small sample of that webpage that explains Green Smiley that's in a bad mood and Yellow Smiley who is in a good mood which how energy vibrations can attract or repel each other in the very same room!

Quote:
Scenario 2.

Mr. Green Smiley Man is in a bad mood because he hates his job. He thinks a lot about how much he hates his job. In fact, it's pretty much all he thinks about while he's at work. Mr. Green is very stable in his low, negative vibration.

Mr. Yellow Smiley Man is in a good mood because he got a great parking spot. It put a smile on his face. The parking spot isn't that important, though, and he doesn't really think much about it after he walks into his office. His high vibration isn't very stable, at all.

When the two Smiley Men meet this time, Mr. Green begins to complain to Mr. Yellow about how crappy his job is, how the deadlines are too short, and how the food in the cafeteria is always the same. Mr. Yellow's vibration is changed by Mr. Green's. He will gradually feel worse and worse until eventually, if they stay in the same space long enough, and providing that Mr. Green continues to stay stable in his vibration, Mr. Yellow will feel just as bad as Mr. Green does.  Quote end.

12/10/2012 1:36:32 PM
sandra United States
sandra
Hello i am Brana sandra,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to greatzuba the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to greatzuba  about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact greatzuba at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on:greatzuba@gmail.com
and get your problems solve like me..
1/1/2013 1:10:13 PM
dennis United States
dennis
one poster wrote that guys are shallow and won't date fat girls unless the guy himself is fat.this leads me to ask, are you girls depressed because you're overweight and can't find a guy that's not fat attracted to you?i would hope not as that would be the pot calling the kettle black so to speak
1/19/2013 2:07:43 PM
LOLO Puerto Rico
LOLO
WHEN YOU ARE LONELY IS WHEN GOD WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.YOU HAVE TO BE ALERT!!!! AND LISTEN.

1/19/2013 2:08:57 PM
LOLO Puerto Rico
LOLO
...
3/10/2013 1:16:59 AM
angel United States
angel
I thought no one would ever love me because of how over weight I am. Thank to aigbedionspelltemple@gmail.com for helping me,i will always be gratefull to you,....angel
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