Dec 07 2011
The Big Objection: Our Culture, the Bible and Sex

(Okay, here's another adult-level blog entry.  Not for kids...)

In our culture, it's the Big But.

"I like Jesus, BUT..." and the "but" is usually followed, one way or the other, with an objection about the Bible and... sex.  People think something's deeply messed-up with a belief system that says two consenting, unmarried adults should refrain from sex.  Something's amiss.  Something's backward.  Maybe you think that, too.  If so, let me suggest something you may not like:

You may need to expand your horizons a little bit.

No, seriously.  The moralistic Bible-thumpers may be more broad-minded than you are on this one.  Perhaps you're offended by the Bible's philosophy on sex not because you're so thoughtful on the issue, but because you haven't thought that much about it.  (Of course, you could rule this argument out-of-bounds from the start, but that might just confirm it.  I do expect some people have already stopped reading, by the way.)

Every culture has its objections to the Bible.  The Bible is an equal-opportunity offender.  Thing is, cultures are different, and so we find different things to be deeply offended by.  For us, here, and now, it's about sex, or sexual autonomy, to put it more simply.   We just hate the idea that a loving God would put sexual limits on us.  The Bible says sex outside of marriage -- all sex -- is a sin.  The Bible says homosexual behavior is sinful.  The Bible says lust, itself, is sinful.  The Bible has offended our sensibilities. 

The Bible even embarrasses some Christians, who are desperate to make what it says conform to our culture, here and now.

Author Tim Keller makes a great argument:  In the middle-east, they're not offended by the Bible's teachings about sexuality.  It's the whole forgiveness thing that rankles them.  It's not that they don't "get it".  They get it, all right.  They just don't want it, and find it impossible, ridiculous, and even morally repugnant. 

Like we said:  Every culture has its objections to the Bible.  And our culture worships sex and romance.  WE are the ones who've decided a life without having sex is somehow a life devoid of meaning, a nightmare, and impossible.  The Bible has the audacity to say our culture is wrong on that one.  It suggests that sex is a gift of God, to be celebrated, to be sure, but not what defines The Good Life.  That good life can be lived -- and has been lived -- by millions, who've gone without sex.

I feel strangely guilty for even typing that last sentence, like I just denied the moon landing, or spat on the flag.  It's kind of like -- no, EXACTLY like -- I've committed some sort of heresy, this time against my very culture.  But Christians have always been heretics this way.  From the very outset, in the Roman world, they challenged the idols of their culture, and were even called "atheists" for doing so.  And idols are often something good, made into an Ultimate Thing, and in our culture, that good-turned-Ultimate is sexual autonomy and romance. 

The Bible challenges that idol, just like all idols.  Our culture doesn't like it, and can't imagine how it could do that.  In the West, we don't burn the Bible.  Oh, we're much craftier than that. 

We just try to make it fit us.

Oh yes, we're offended.  But -- and here's the big question -- if it were true, wouldn't it do just that?  Wouldn't it offend every culture at some point, even the ones who think they've just evolved higher than the others?

And isn't it possible that the reason we find it so backward, so strange, is that we can't imagine stepping out of our own cultural biases?  To us, of course, the mere idea that we would be restricted expressing our individual sexuality is ludicrous!  -- but we're creatures of a certain time and place.

So here's another Big But:  Sure, the Bible offends us on sexual matters, BUT... is it possible -- just possible -- we might see things differently, if we took off our cultural glasses?

Comments (60) -

12/7/2011 2:45:55 PM
Marilyn N. Bomactao-Enochs United States
Marilyn  N.  Bomactao-Enochs
Dear Brother In Lord, Brant

  Please, do hang in there with Ashburger's Disease because there are lots, lots in the entertaintment who has Ashbuger's Disease,okay?

  There are lots of people that I know and there are people who are in entertaintment business who have Dsyletia Disease like me?

  I just want to encourage U,okay?


       Love In Al
12/7/2011 2:52:25 PM
Brant Hansen United States
Brant Hansen
Thanks Marilyn!

Honored you listen!
12/7/2011 2:53:53 PM
Joe Marzano United States
Joe Marzano
Brant,

Discoveredyou recently, and you, my friend, are a breath of fresh air.
I love what you're doing. Ask the questions, my friend. Praying for you (loved your video with "I Am Second", that's where I found you.
Blessings.

Joe
12/7/2011 3:08:23 PM
Amanda United States
Amanda
Love love love it! I was not raised this way however have been doing much research in what I am called as a parent to teach my children about opposite sex relationship & dating! Thanks love this post & soooo agree!
12/7/2011 3:23:46 PM
Just Me United States
Just Me
I can't believe that you went there! Ha! Funny how we want so bad to be accepted...when we are completely unwilling to accept the Word. God does....unconditionally accept us...just as we are...BUT...(man, those things are everywhere)there is a lifestyle change that must happen to us in order to show that we have in turn accepted Jesus as our savior.
Everyone thinks that just because you "long" for something...it must be a fact. I need it...I want it....I gotta have it! Well, gosh...have you ever tried fasting? Goodness gracious...your want for food so bad could get so ugly that you just might forget why you chose to fast, BUT (there it is again) IF you look past your deep "hunger" for this thing (food in this instance...underlining sex, duh) and focus you attention on God...the hunger pains go away...and are quickly replaced with comfort and a filling of the Holy Spirit. (Jeremiah 29:13) And every time there after...continue to give it up to Him and soon...you will begin to recognize the enemy and how he tempts you. You, with God's help have overcame something bigger than you.
We cannot imagine not having what we want, because we live in an incredibly blessed country. If you have ever left this country and saw a 3rd world country before, it won't take long for you to immediately recognize our blessings here.
I want to please my God, and some of the things He requires of me seem so much bigger than me, which was intended, so that I....I, could give up MY WILL...to serve His. A much better thing.
Don't give into the lies...our fleshy bodies try to tell us. Hold yourself in a higher regard...just as He did. It's worth it! I know!Pleople think I am crazy....I just know I am blessed!
Was divorced 11 years ago, don't date...(there is more to that), believe in courtship...and am confident that the Lord has a plan. And I am not worried. I just keep praising HIM! Smile
Thanks Brant!
12/7/2011 3:30:03 PM
Emma United States
Emma
I grow up and was always told that I needed to save my self for my husband.  Under peer pressure and everything in the world I didn't wait.  I know that I have sinned but, I am forgiven through Christ.  Sex in the bible is something that is holy and should be between a woman and a man that care and love one other.  God wants us to not just give our gift away to everyone and anyone.  He wants us to be able to share something special with just one person that he has sent to us. This is what I believe and think that God was meaning when he told us to be holy and pure.
12/7/2011 3:32:10 PM
Kristie United States
Kristie
Well, the Bible doesn't really say we can't ever have an intimate relationship with someone, it just says it's something that only married people are to enjoy. I came to the faith when I was 20, and I did not follow these rules prior to it... so I have learned the hard way what premarital relationships can do to your soul. It's even worse after you're saved and know it's wrong...

I feel like a common response is, "you have to test drive it before you buy it". Someone put it like this...

"Imagine you had all the money in the world, and your DREAM car was in front of you. The most expensive, most valuable car you can possibly think of. You have the money to walk off the lot with it... do you REALLY need to test drive it first? If it's REALLY your dream car, would the test drive change your mind about it? God sees his men and women the same way you see that dream car; valuable, precious, and worth the purchase WITHOUT the need to test it out first."

I think people have a hard time with this, especially if they've already experienced that kind of relationship with the opposite gender. All I know is that my future husband is out there somewhere RIGHT NOW and all I can think about is "What would he think of me running around giving myself away to anyone I date?".

And those are my thoughts on this Smile This is my favorite subject! Smile
12/7/2011 3:35:47 PM
Brant Hansen United States
Brant Hansen
Emma, totally appreciate your honesty.

I do fear that even raising this subject can bring out the worst in us, the "Look at me, see, I'm better than you because I didn't sin in this particular way..." stuff.  It's usual sort of subtle, but it's often there, and it's a BIG, and understandable, turn-off for many.

We. Are. ALL. Sinners.  No one is righteous without Jesus, period.  No one is morally superior to anyone else.  And I don't know of a human adult, except Jesus, who has been truly "sexually pure" in their behavior and thoughts.  None of us.  

So I'm thankful for your honesty, borne of experience.
12/7/2011 3:45:43 PM
Gregg United States
Gregg
Thank you for your blog, Brant.  Unfortunately, I have not saved myself for a wife, and deeply regret it.  Like every other "commandment,"  the parameters in the area of Biblical sexual relations are given for our protection.  If I had known as much as a teenager as I know now at 50, I would have chosen no sex until married (to a female, only, I'm male).  God is not waiting to pounce on anyone for every sin they commit.  God simply wants the best for His children.
12/7/2011 3:50:51 PM
Hilary United States
Hilary
I too sad have fallen into the ways of world. I to believed in waiting for marriage and that it didn't happen. I do have to say I am ashamed of that as I keep getting those relationships.
I am a Christian but I was not living according to my beliefs and how I was raised. I sat there thinking I am a Christian, I have been baptized, and I can continue to be part of the world cause I have a free pass. Then I realized that I can't do that anymore. How many times can you sorry to God and really mean it? Just like someone saying to sorry to someone in your life and not mean. I am not sure if that makes sense. But I realize from this point on I need to make the right choices in my life and living like the rest of the world is not one of them.
12/7/2011 4:02:38 PM
Tammy United States
Tammy
This was an excellent post. Succinctly said. Well said. I've shared it with others.
12/7/2011 4:16:14 PM
Tannis Finland
Tannis
I think our culture and society is just so drenched in media that we think that sex outside of marriage is OK. If one were to show another the source of truth about the matter, it would seem offensive because it goes against what is considered normal/mainstream.

And then, we, as Christians, can become numb to what is right--especially if we don't surround ourselves with those that delight in Truth.

Another reason I think people get so offended by this truth is because they don't want to give it up and they try to find ways to justify it. Maybe even to the extent of saying that it's a part of our culture nowadays to be sexually active from a young age--before marriage. Some people even make this same justification for the topic you brought up yesterday about women being independent, outspoken, pastors etc. ...it's part of our culture and it's accepted more so because of that.

But we should look at why God has these rules in place for us. Usually, it's to keep us healthy (mentally & physically). If you have sex with more than one person, you are more susceptible to diseases. Also, if the relationsihp doesn't work out, it's a lot harder emotionally because you've experienced that intimacy with him/her. God cares for us and is trying to keep us from dealing with these tribulations.
My apologies for the long comment--this topic is one that I've been dealing with for a while. Thanks for writing it, Brant!
12/7/2011 4:25:49 PM
Stacy United States
Stacy
@Hilary - We all fall short all the time. I think there is a balance between thinking we have a "free pass" and then beating ourselves up that we need to try harder. I pray that you would understand to the depths of your soul how much God loves you and how very big His grace is. I pray that in turn you wouldn't see your response as a "free pass" to do as you please but you would see it as an opportunity to freely love your Savior in return and trust in His ways. I pray the truth of God's grace would set you free.

Love your sister in Christ who messes up regularly,
Stacy
12/7/2011 4:31:10 PM
brant United States
brant
About that "balance":  I'd say guilt is there for a reason, and that reason is to drive you back to Jesus.

Then you can be thankful for him, and turn your heart to him again, thankful for his forgivness.  He will change us as he sees fit, if we love him.

Other than that, guilt is nothing but destructive.
12/7/2011 4:33:40 PM
Haley United States
Haley
I have been able to save myself for marriage by the grace of God. He knew my true hearts desires when I was one with the world. I to this day struggle with the pressures of society on sex. I am 24 not dating anyone so it is extremely hard to want to wait with the pressures of society. But then I stop myself and remember the only real opinion that matters is Gods. Easier said than done, but I always just call on God to help me through the temptations of the world. What keeps me pushing forth with saving myself is the night that I am married and give myself to my husband I will only have given to him. It is that connection I long for. And one day with Gods help I will have that.

Thank you brant for your openness and honesty.  Very much needed in the world today.
12/7/2011 4:34:14 PM
Miranda United States
Miranda
Brant, I love your argument about widening your horizons. I never looked at it in the way that being sexually pure is being broad minded. Our culture is always saying, broaden your mind, especially when it comes to the subject of homosexuality. I hope I remember what it's like though, so I can be a witness to people struggling with this. I used to be a homosexual, it was the LORD, YAHWEH, who changed me in an instant. It was The LORD Jesus Christ who flushed that wish to be a man instead of a woman out of me and came and Himself lives in me.
And Kristie, I love your argument about not having to test drive the car. There are certainly things in my life that I would like to have that a test drive would not change my mind on.
12/7/2011 4:50:02 PM
J Beatrice Simpson United States
J Beatrice Simpson
Hi Brant,
Love your blog! I wa inspired to write a song when I read your Christmas rant.lol

My first husband and I didn't sleep together before we were married.I wish that I had because I would have found out before the wedding that he was gay.13 years of marriage to someone that didn't want to be intimate, and when he was, it was in the dark, in the middle of the night, with his eyes closed, gritting his teeth. He never admitted it until after we were divorced.

I dated a guy later that was a youth pastor. We used to work together many years ago. He was a 40 year old virgin. Never even kissed a girl. I thought it was great that he waited for the right one. So, we were getting serious about marriage, and he dropped the bombshell that he struggled with feelings of homosexuality. I was really in love with the guy. He wanted to have a bunch of kids. Until then I didn't undertand how a good looking, godly pastor wasn't married yet. After my first husband, I couldn't deal with that issue again. We broke up for several reasons- like an aversion to bodily fluids on top of that.

Anyway, when I met my current husband, we talked a lot about sex when we were dating. I made the decision to have sex because I wanted to know everything about him before I committed myself to marriage again. Was it a sin? Yes, I admit it was, but I would do it all over again if time was reversed. It was very obvious he wasn't gay. Neither of us regret the decision, and we are happily married.

Now, do I recommend that to everyone? No, I had an individual case, and I didn't tell anyone about our choice. The whole test driving a car is a bunk illustration. Even if there was a dream car on the lot, Someone could shine up the car and make it look real pretty, but then the car has mechanical problems or it's a lemon under the hood.

How is it that we're supposed to join lives with someone you know nothing about physically? You are supposed to make sure you are on the same page financially, make sure he isn't an escaped convict, hopefully he isn't lying when he says he's a Christian, and that he doesn't have a sexually transmitted disease. But as far as sex is concerned, you are supposed to go into this blind and stupid? I think it is part of the package, since we can't go and get our needs met somewhere else. I am not saying that what the Bible says isn't true. I am just admitting that I don't understand the logic behind it.
12/7/2011 5:05:57 PM
Amie United States
Amie
Miranda, wanted to comment on your post. What an awesome testimony! And Brant, I want to add my thanks for addressing this topic. I have needed apologetic-type material for this as it seems to be the #1 topic that my non-believer friends want to discuss with me. (I find it funny since me and my circles of friends are all 30-something.) Anyway, people want to know why you are holding out when the opportunities are there. I know for me, it really paves the way to be able to talk about what God has done in my life. I am encouraged by all of those who have posted above who are loving and honoring God by staying strong too!
12/7/2011 5:13:45 PM
Tiffany United States
Tiffany
Thank you for this.  You are so right -- it offends so many of us to the point that we don't even talk about it any more.  We want to be so PC, but the Bible (and Jesus!) never worries about political correctness, just truth.  The more I read and study the Bible, the more I see how the sexual relationship inside of a marriage is the the only one that is permitted -- and highly endorsed -- by God.  He created for that purpose, for married people to grow closer in a way that no one else is with them, so we can understand the intimacy of Jesus's love for the church.  I am blessed to have found a man who waited for me, and I waited for him, but it was not without struggle.  However, it was worth it.  I wish we could be more open about this in our churches and stop sweeping it under the rug.
12/7/2011 5:36:17 PM
Laura United States
Laura
@Brant-I would say that better feelings of conviction rather than guilt follow after sinning because, "God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him" -John 3:17 and because "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1  
12/7/2011 5:59:00 PM
Rachel United States
Rachel
Brant,  I love your show and love your blogs.  Let me first say I am gay, and I love the Lord.  I was sexually abused as a child, so that is how I learned about sexuality.  I can honestly say God helped me through my childhood abuse and even helped me to forgive the family member that did this to me.  I tried to have a relationship for years with the opposite sex but could never get to the deep love I should of had for my partner.  I went to counseling for years and even attended church couseling.  I finally gave in to fact that I loved the same sex.  I fight everyday with the thought I will not get into Heaven because of my sexuality.  
12/7/2011 6:10:55 PM
Britt United States
Britt
Super cool message, THANK YOU for sharing! I go to the University of Minnesota and am constantly feeling overwhelmed because everything--EVERYTHING--must relate to sexuality somehow. Even in academia, we are relegated to the position of animals that must hump everything--and my school likes to try to argue why this is okay and "natural."

It's totally a one-sided argument, too. The teachers all take it as what is "correct." And anyone who does not agree with this should obviously just "think more critically" because the Biblical beliefs they hold clearly wouldn't be relevant if they just thought about it (sarcasm intended).

It's fed to us, dumped on us, forced on us... It's totally cultural. We are trained to treat ourselves like animals and objects. And we are trained to oppose authority. Ergo, we DISLIKE when God tells us we are not animals and we are not objects and we are made in the image of God and are meant for so much more than this.
12/7/2011 7:38:53 PM
Rachel Ramirez United States
Rachel Ramirez
This is a very touchy subject for some, and I seen the comments and there seems to be alot of self condeming or the ideal of i was hurt once, so i am going to do this so i wont get hurt again, motive.

The logic of the Bible and sex is the pureness. The not "testing it " before you "buy it" idea may suit some like the woman who said her husband of 13 years was found to be gay. It only happened that way because he himself was not honest to himself and you as well. So you go ouut and you find this nice looking man and ruin his creditbility [ well he made the decision to ], so you both did wrong. And especially for him to be a youth pastor.. What kind of message did he just send to all those youth? That sex out of marriage is ok..? Just as long as you know your going to get married later?

Sex and marriage ties together so there is no guilt that there is a sense of belonging and of course LOVE! Its how you show your spouse you love one another and for it not to be the only reason you stay married. Without love, there would be no sex , then there would be no marriage. And there should be no I needed to know physically, it was just lust calling and you answered willingly and desperately.
12/7/2011 7:48:18 PM
Marie United States
Marie
Thanks for this, Brant!
12/7/2011 7:57:46 PM
Denise United States
Denise
My ideas on homosexuality aren’t based on culture – not my original culture, at least. Growing up in the Bible Belt, USA, I was taught that homosexuality is wrong, no “buts” about it.  However, looking at the laws presented in the Bible, it’s clear that most of them were to keep people safe. The forbidden, “unclean” foods were those that could make people sick if they weren’t prepared correctly. Piercings could introduce infection, and wearing clothing with mixed fabric could be unhealthy in the hot atmosphere of the desert. Laws governing sexuality, of course, were to prevent the transmission of diseases, and to avoid mutated genes and handicapped offspring.

As someone quite familiar with the "freedom/all things are lawful" idea, I hope you'll understand this. I find it hard to accept the idea that “freedom from the law” can include the right to eat what you please, but not love whom you please.

I do believe it’s wrong to sleep with everyone who catches your eye, bit that’s more of a heart thing than a physical thing. Why would God have a problem with two men, wholly devoted to each other, with a relationship built on love, not lust, giving themselves to each other? Because they aren't (and can't be) legally married? That seems to be more cultural.

I don’t see this as an objection to the Bible, any more than you and your dinosaurs. Maybe these grey areas aren’t as evil as we make them. With evolution, as well as homosexuality, we need to look to the Bible, history, and a little logic.
12/7/2011 8:41:23 PM
zack United States
zack
hi Denise!! When I look at the church's stance on homosexual relationships, I see it as different territory.  I say it is different because the culture isn't saying that gay people should be accepted, it is saying that the sin is no longer sin.  I don't see that to be true.  I have gay friends because I accept them and love them as myself but I do not say it is ok.  CS Lewis has an awesome paragraph on this in Mere Christianity.
12/7/2011 8:59:02 PM
Sarah United States
Sarah
First of all, I need to say that I love the show.  I am a huge fan of "Wolfgang" and I can't help but laugh as I'm listening to your "Christmas prize packages."  Now, on to the subject at hand...
I do find this topic interesting and here's something I noticed one day while listening to the radio.  The radio DJ was talking with a young woman about marriage.  (I must declare that this was not a "Christian" radio station at this point.)  He was arguing with the woman about why women always feel at some point that they need to get married or break off the relationship.  Just as he was getting ready to hammer home his point, he asked her THE question..."What's the difference, really?  I mean, how often were you guys having sex before you got married?"  Of course, this was supposed to be leading up to a great climax about how living together is the same thing and blah, blah, blah.  The woman replied that they hadn't had sex because the two of them were waiting.  They weren't even living together, but had separate apartments across town.  It had never even occurred to this man that there might be adult couples dating who weren't also having sex.  I remember thinking what a sad commentary on where our country has gone that it just automatically follows, if you are dating someone then you must also be physically intimate with them.  
I could go on about this subject for a long time.  I have friends in their 30s who are in the dating game and feel the need at the start of a relationship to spell out the boundaries.  "Just so you know, there will be no home run." type things.  How sad is it that this is one of the first things you have to discuss in a relationship?  OK.  I'm done for today.  Smile  Thanks for the interesting and thought-provoking post, Brant.
12/7/2011 9:07:48 PM
Janet United States
Janet
Brant, thank you so much for writing this. I just wish there were more to it, I wanted to keep reading. This is something that I have been struggling with here lately. The guilt for "wanting". I have been married for 17 years, but seperated since last Oct. My divorce should be officially done by about Dec. 9th. So, I've been completely commited to my husband for all those years, (he was not- cheated ALL the years we were together a total of 19 years) and I was used to at least having "needs/wants" taken care of most of the time.  Now I'm alone and I want so bad. I want most of all cuddleing... but of course there are more desires there as well. Then I get frustrated about wanting.

I've actually been doing some digging in the Bible, and asking questions of those I feel are very versed in Gods word.  I've questioned this whole idea.  I mean obviously I'm not a virgin awaiting a husband who expects me to be "clean".  So I was trying to find out, HOW does this apply to me???  And yet, in praying on the matter and struggling with it all.. messages came.. and guilt in feeling the way I was.  Still I am having difficulties in shaking this one. I enjoy being held.. and my ex was not a big holder, but still it was there some of the time. No, I dont want him back.. just saying that still there is that presence missing.

It's so very difficult for me to think that after so many years with one person that I have to attempt dating???  I was 18 when I got with him, I'm 38 now. I feel as though I'm not a "trophy".  I don't know how to date, I'm scared of all this.  I'm over weight, but yet I'm a very loving, giving person.  I volunteer in so many different ways and i LOVE giving and doing for others.  But, I wonder...will there ever be a GOOD man in my life? I'm scared, I can't go through all I've been through again. I won't let that fear hold me back though.. I still believe that no matter how much it can hurt, that I will still give of myself and love completely should the time ever come.  I feel like I'm too old to start over (I wanted to be that person who stayed married to ONE person for LIFE), and yet I'm a kid at heart also.  

So now I wonder, if I were to never find someone to be with for the rest of my life (I DO NOT want to ever go through another divorce- I do not even like that word!!!!) does this mean that I will never have that close feeling again?  I want that, I want to be held close... and yet it shouldn't be until married.  Yes, this will be difficult.  How to over come the loneliness will be difficult.  I have many friends.....but still does not seem to fill THAT gap there.  

Ok, I apologize for the long type.. and I sit here with tears as I think on this more.. and so wish that right now I had someone to hold me.  A lot of healing to be done. I know, if it's God's will... then there will be someone for me, the right someone providing I OBEY. But I wonder... is it Gods will or am I meant to be alone from here on.  That is what causes a major struggle for me.
12/7/2011 9:09:14 PM
Shepherd_Wolf United States
Shepherd_Wolf
Thanks Brant!

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and were having sex regularly until almost a month ago. We realized that what we were doing was wrong. Not that we didn't realize it sooner, but we decided to take control and be strong enough to do something about it. We aren't engaged and have no engagement in sight, but we've still agreed to remain abstinent from now until the day we do get married. To take control of our bodies, instead of our bodies controlling us.

S.W.
12/7/2011 9:30:01 PM
Janet United States
Janet
woops.. guess I should have added that we had been seperated since last Oct of 2010!!!!  How did we go through November so quickly and enter into Dec???? So ya, I've been seperated for 13 1/2 months now.
12/7/2011 9:49:42 PM
Jenna United States
Jenna
Hey Brant! Great topic. I'm really encouraged that you are stepping out and talking about it with everybody who reads your blog. Speaking from my own experience, Christians need to talk about sex more! It's like an elephant in the room, and it is rare to have an open discussion about why we should or shouldn't have sex.
I didn't have anybody in my life as a teen who was modeling biblical sexuality to me. I could have been saved a lot of grief and confusion if somebody had been committed enough to walk the talk they were talking, but even my greatest role model broke my heart when she ended up pregnant by her boyfriend. Frown
Instead of being somebody who slept around, I went in the opposite direction and hated sex with a passion. Thinking about it made me feel dirty, and I never wanted to get married because I didn't ever want to be forced to do it.
God knew my heart, and He got me to a place where I could start to deal with my misconceptions and broken heart. He also chose a husband for me who could be sensitive to my needs and work through my past with me instead of being resentful.

Long story short, people can lean too far into or too far against God's plan for sexuality and we need His help to find a balance.

Also, I would appreciate it if you could maybe post a few bible verses that talk about God's plan for sex and marriage??? As Christians we all say that "the bible says" but this topic seems a hard one to back up without some serious studying.
12/7/2011 11:14:45 PM
Gregg United States
Gregg
If someone claims to be a Christian, shouldn't that person believe the Bible, just like, say, a Muslim should believe the Qu'ran?  The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (English Standard Version), "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?  Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, not idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor theives, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."  If someone believes the God of The Bible, shouldn't the final word belong to God?  2 Corinthians 4:7 says, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us."  I don't share these quotes to comdemn, but to encourage a return to Biblical values.
12/7/2011 11:21:37 PM
Nekedra United States
Nekedra
We all have good and evil inside of us, and different thresholds for these juxtapose characteristics, including sexual lust and intentions. Is sex outside of marriage a sin according to the Bible? Yes.But is sex in a loveless marriage also a sin? Not according to the Bible, but I believe the answer is also yes.  As God's children, we must keep in mind it is not our place to judge,but only to learn, for judgement is only the right of God.  
12/8/2011 7:10:59 AM
Patrick United States
Patrick
So I'm gonna throw my two cents in as well on this one.
First off, great topic I agree with others who have said we need to talk about this more.
Everyday I wish that I had waited for marriage to become sexually involved. I abstained from a physical relationship until I was 19, but I got wrapped up in pornography. Then when I joined the Marines I was stationed in Japan for two years, it was while there that I lost my virginity to a prostitute, why? Well because it was what everyone else was doing. Now try having that conversation with your wife, not a good talk by any means. My wife was reading a book that happened to have in it a Marine stationed in Japan, and then the question came up. We worked through that issue in my past, but my struggles with pornography still haunted our marriage and almost ended it more than once.
All because we live in a culture that says those things are ok. Men are men and should be able to ogle everything that walks in front of them right? No, not at all. I'm a Christian, but even had I not been I still would have the same emotional scars and still would have almost wrecked my marriage because of porn.
I know I have found personally that when I obey God's will in my life things aren't always easy, persay, but more meaningful.
With God's will intimacy with my wife is not just a physical release, but a gift, something of immeasurable value.
Had I obeyed God's commands earlier on I would not have brought all of that into my marriage. I think when we stop focusing on ourselves and our needs and start thinking about others it begins to make more sense. That man or woman that we want to have sex with because that's what our culture thinks is right is the future husband/wife of someone and not necessarily ourselves. Isn't it better to keep them pure for their future spouse than to take what isn't necessarily going to be ours?
With that I'm done rambling, sexual purity, especially men's sexual purity is something I am very passionate about.
Thanks again Brant, I'm gonna bring this up the next time I'm "hanging with the fellas, and fixing awesome cars and motorcycles and stuff"
12/8/2011 7:17:52 AM
Nicole United States
Nicole
Brant, ITS'S AMAZING TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE OTHERS WHO THINK LIKE I DO. I AM SO HAPPY YOU WROTE ABOUT THIS SUBJECT. YOU ARE A BLESSING TO ALL THE AIR 1 LISTENERS AND I LOOK FORWARD TO MY DRIVE HOME IN RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC BECAUSE I GET TO LISTEN TO YOU! KEEP UP THE AWESOME BLOG POSTS!
12/8/2011 7:48:27 AM
Britt United States
Britt
Gregg, THANK YOU. That's another thing that's been really bothering me--Christians who claim to believe the Bible... except the parts that talk about things like homosexuality. Suddenly, that part is irrelevant.

The act of homosexuality is undeniably a sin in both the Old and New Testament. You can say that it was meant to keep people safe in the Old Testament and is no longer relevant, but that does not remove the fact that it exists in the New Testament, also.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that homosexuality has as much to do with culture as sex with many people or sex outside of marriage does.

For example, East Asian cultures are used as shining examples of the "naturalness" of male homosexuality. In Japan, it was very common practice for warriors to take boys as their sexual partners. It was considered love between an older brother and a younger brother--the older "brother" would protect and teach the younger, while the younger "brother" would love his older "brother" and give him sexual favors. It was considered a loving, pure, beautiful relationship.

But if you actually look at the culture, you see how this practice became so popular and accepted. Certain religions came to Japan and turned women into dirty, sinful, wicked creatures doomed to go to hell. Men were better off not touching them because women would taint them. Men naturally still wanted to have sex, so... who else could they turn to? Not to mention that a lot of these warriors were separated from women altogether, anyway...

China had similar cultural ideas about women, and male/male homosexuality flourished and was considered "natural."

I think sex is natural and good, and most humans do desire it. However, our cultures influence and distort our perceptions about love, sex, whom to have sex with, when, why...

That's probably why God wrote about it, so we'd know how he intended for it to be done, unhindered by cultural norms and expectations.
12/8/2011 8:33:55 AM
Denise United States
Denise
@Britt I assume you are referring to I Corinthians 6:9-10 and I Timothy 1:8-11.

Can’t the mentions of homosexuality in the NT have been cultural as well, much like the directions concerning women (I Timothy 2:12, I Cor. 14:34-35)? Oh, wait, no, because it’s heresy to suggest that Paul was like, say, C.S. Lewis or Luther: an intelligent, fallible person with some good ideas that were influenced by God AND the culture.

So I won’t say that, I’ll say that *some* scholars translate the original text to refer to male prostitutes, or older men who sexually exploited younger men. I’m fairly certain we can all agree that those practices are immoral. *If* this is the case, it means the Bible says nothing about a committed, monogamous relationship between two people of the same gender.

I’m not declaring parts of the Bible irrelevant, I’m trying to use the Bible to reach a truth that transcends culture.
12/8/2011 9:11:00 AM
Britt United States
Britt
@Denise

For me personally, I firmly believe that Jesus chose Paul to write what Jesus knew would be in our Bible, so what Paul wrote is thoroughly divinely inspired and is not a mistake of his culture that we can or should just ignore.

Here's my thinking: if you want to say that Paul is fallible, why not the whole Bible? The whole thing was written by human hands.

However, I believe our God is big enough and strong enough and powerful enough to make sure the right people wrote the right things. He knew what we would end up with, after all--he, as our loving father who wants us to succeed, would surely take the time to get us what we need to love him and love others well.

That apparently worked for the entire Old Testament--Jesus knew the Old Testament from top to bottom and did not claim it was inaccurate or false in any way/shape/form. Rather, he studied it, knew it from top to bottom, and used it because it was valid.

Translation stuff aside, TOPIC aside, I simply must believe the Bible is fully divinely inspired because our God is good enough to do that for us, to not send us a book that we must be confused about or wary of. If we start deciding that some of it may not be divinely inspired... then why should we believe any of it is? If Paul screwed up on his concern about sex or women, maybe he screwed up about his concern about forgiveness? Lending to the poor? Or any of the other things he talked about.

12/8/2011 10:57:08 AM
brant United States
brant
THANK YOU for the thoughtful comments.  What's ESPECIALLY (sorry for the all caps, but I'm elated) wonderful is the respect that's shown in the midst of some disagreement.  No ad hominem, no blasting... sweet.  

Regarding the familiar debates about homosexuality, I wrote about this, here, if you're interested.  
www.air1.com/.../Breakfast-and-Honesty.aspx

I don't think "sin" should be narrowly defined as "things we can do that break a rule," but rather "what we do that breaks the heart of God."  In this way, even "keeping the rules" can be sin, because of selfish motivations.

That I believe in freedom for those in Christ doesn't negate my understanding of the grim and serious nature of sin.  It just reinforces how wonderful Jesus is, that he has paid for it, all of it.  A heart that is turned toward Jesus, in response to his love, will increasingly want Jesus in charge, even of his/her sexuality, and use his/her freedom in God-honoring ways.


JANET:  Your question, "Will I ever have this again...?" really got me.  I think you will.  I've actually been talking about this the last few days on the air, oddly enough.

For those in Christ, you are promised the ultimate romance - you are involved in it, now - and the ultimate consummation.  

I know people can get weirded out by invoking sexual language, in our culture, to express God's ultimate plan.  But I didn't make it up.  As it happens, I (Brant) am in a very happy marriage, and I'm incredibly thankful.  But it's a SHADOW of what is to come.  

It may happen, of course, that in the days ahead, you wind up in a great marriage, with all the benefits and challenges.  But know this: If you attend someone ELSE'S wedding, you can be reminded of your own, to the ultimate spouse, that IS going to happen. And the party is to follow.

Yes, this seems "other-worldly", and I suppose it is, but that's rather the nature of faith.  You have Jesus' promise, who has said He's gone to prepare a place for us.  

That may be a lousy answer to the question, and it's hard for us to think beyond what we know and see and touch.  And yet... this is the promise, and the entirely of the Biblical story is nothing if not a romance, honestly.  And God is jealous of any other lover we hold more dear than him.  Ultimately, for those who choose another lover, He will hand us over to it.
12/8/2011 11:24:45 AM
Laurene United States
Laurene
Kristie!  That analogy about the dream car was AWESOME!!!  Thank you so much for sharing that!

Great article too. Nice to see people putting it into words for the general population. Smile

God bless you,
-Laurene
http://tinyzoo.com
12/8/2011 11:41:00 AM
J.T. United States
J.T.
Wow Brant, I totally agree with you, and I like what you said about sin being defined as what breaks the heart of God...I also noticed a comment from "Just me" who talked about fasting that "hunger;" I think I might try that. I need God to fill me with His desires for me instead of my fleshly desires... Thanks Brant for this, and be praying for me too...It's one of my battles that I keep speaking to like Disciple does in "Dear X"
12/8/2011 11:45:36 AM
Tammy United States
Tammy
@Britt: Excellent.

@Denise: There are no reputable Greek or Biblical scholars who interpret the New Testament and Paul the way that you are trying to. The text simply doesn't say that, as much as some would like it to.

Also, I want to add on a bit to what Britt said. Christ knew all the Old Testament, thoroughly. He always spoke out when it was being interpreted poorly or incorrectly, and -- sometimes gently and sometimes not-so-gently(!) -- corrected the Israelites and their religious leaders.

The fact that He knew how they interpreted the verses on homosexuality in the Old Testament, and made no correction to them, is one of the strongest arguments against the practice that we can make.

He didn't need to talk about it, because He was letting the interpretation already in place stand.
12/8/2011 11:54:13 AM
Tammy United States
Tammy
Just curious, Brant. I like your blog. Am I missing a link to subscribe?
12/8/2011 12:39:26 PM
Denise United States
Denise
Sorry, Brant, I never meant to imply that you disregard sin as unimportant. I believe in sin, too, and would never take lightly the consequences. If watching Tosh.0 interferes negatively with a search for truth and God, it’s a sin. It does, and is, so I avoid it now. If I use language flippantly and inadvertently (or intentionally) hurt someone, my actions were sinful, and thank God for grace.

In your comment, you actually hit on something that I’ve considered in my argument. Sin is what we do “that breaks the heart of God.” For almost everything I can think of that we still consider wrong, there are consequences that hurt others, distort our perception of the world, or disrupt a relationship with God or people around us. Homosexuality? Of course a lover can become more important to us than God, but that can happen regardless of gender. What am I missing?
12/8/2011 2:01:02 PM
Pure is the CURE! United States
Pure is the CURE!
I am a young teenager and purity is the biggest thing in my life! I know that sex is supposed to be saved for marriage and I am going to keep it that way- the way GOD created it to be. Being in a relationship, I find it even better to know and think ahead to my future that I am saving myself for him and he is saving himself for me. Its just an all around great feeling to know that, even though some of my friends dont understand why I am deciding to go against the world's view on teenage relationships, I know in my heart that I will only come together with the one God has chosen to be my husband!!

Thanks Brant!  
12/8/2011 4:30:43 PM
Britt United States
Britt
@Tammy--interesting point! I hadn't thought of that!

@Denise--I definitely understand where you're coming from. And I will definitely go read Brant's other post about this, because it's also something I've struggled to understand.

The only answer I can think of... is that God designed man and woman specifically for each other. To compliment each other in beautiful harmony. And to exist as an example of Jesus and the church in the world. God made man and woman for each other from the beginning, Jesus defined marriage as between a man and a woman... Husbands are described as Christ and wives as an example of the church... Different but in beautiful service to one another. The husband leads like Christ, the wife follows like the church. I think marriage (and therefore sexuality) exist to point to the relationship between Christ and the church.

At least that's just one thing I thought of after reading all these comments. I'd be curious to hear what anyone else thinks!

Thanks for the thought-provoking blog and conversations, Brant!!!!!!!!
12/9/2011 11:35:05 AM
Suilenrok Singapore
Suilenrok
I've been following your blog for a while and I've gotta say that it's quite a breath of fresh air from a lot of the Christian-y Bible-thumping stuff I hear.

Very thought provoking and often leaves us to discover answers for ourselves rather than just state "It's this way. We're ALWAYS right. So just follow it and don't ask any questions. (quite literally)" Me and some friends have faced that problem in the Christian community and our various churches for quite a while.

Regarding this, I've got some stuff I've gotta share about myself.

1. I'm a Christian (or rather, a follower of Christ).
2. I love God and I'm grounded in the FACT that He loves me, regardless of... well, everything.
3. I'm a sexually ambiguous guy. I used to think/feel/whatever that I was gay but I dunno anymore. It's come to a point where I'm like, whatever.

"Like we said:  Every culture has its objections to the Bible.  And our culture worships sex and romance.  WE are the ones who've decided a life without having sex is somehow a life devoid of meaning, a nightmare, and impossible.  The Bible has the audacity to say our culture is wrong on that one.  It suggests that sex is a gift of God, to be celebrated, to be sure, but not what defines The Good Life.  That good life can be lived -- and has been lived -- by millions, who've gone without sex."

And you know what? I wholeheartedly agree with this entire paragraph. Particularly the last one. As a guy pretty much attracted to guys ONLY (I've had a few exceptions but those were really remarkable women who were either too young or too old or from another country), the idea of sex and intimacy or any form of relationship where I can really give my all, not just spiritual or emotional but that physical desire as well, is pretty much out of question.

I don't think the female anatomy is ugly or unattractive. I just don't get turned on by it or desire it. On the other hand, I'm very much turned on by the male genitalia

I used to struggle with this.

I'm gay (?) AND Christian. I want a partner. What now? But over the years, as I've grown closer to God, I've realized that while the feeling sucks, it's okay if I don't ever get that chance to have a partner. It's okay if I don't get to experience sex.

It's not a fatalistic mentality or resigning to my "fate" (if anyone would like to put it that way). Rather, I'm just at peace with myself and the lot I've been given. Maybe God'll work in my life and do something about it. Maybe He won't.

Who really knows but God?

But through this, I've come to realize that life with God, regardless of my sexuality, is so much more fulfilling than so many other things. It's also helped me speak to so many of the youths struggling with how God can actually love someone who's sexually ambiguous and/or deviant.

I dunno... really. I've probably steered away from the whole point of the blog post but 'twas nice getting this off my chest.

God bless Brant! God's given you a great gift and talent with words. You're a real blessing to a lot of your readers and listeners!
12/9/2011 11:59:19 AM
Suilenrok Singapore
Suilenrok
@Britt and Denise

Was going through the replies and I've gotta laud you both and than you both on being so respectful on such a matter.

There's no doubt that acting upon homosexuality is sin (not an issue of morally good or bad but just simply what breaks God's heart). Hence, I don't act upon it, no matter how desperately I want to. (Trust me, i've met my fair share of VERY charming guys...)

That aside, I would say that homosexuality is not a cultural thing. Nor is it a choice thing. Perhaps you can choose to coin or label yourself as heterosexual. Or homosexual. Or bisexual. Or pansexual. Or asexual. Or blahblahsexual. Whatever it is, you don't choose to get the feelings you have. At least, I know I didn't. It's easy for people who've never been through this struggle (or war) to simply say that it's unnatural and all a choice... but yeah. What do they know?

I guess part of what breaks God's heart is what acting upon homosexuality does to your spirit - the way it can open a doorway for Satan to wreak havoc. It's not so much of a physical, emotional or suface-level spirit thing but something MUCH deeper. I would say it even taps into the demonic and Occult. But I doubt that'd be HONESTLY appropriate on such an open media.

At the end, I dunno. Do we really deserve to be hated or rejected by culture or fellow Christians? Or is it a whole lot more appropriate to understand it's not necessarily something we want but have to deal with and that it'd be a whole lot more helpful, loving and Christ-like to simply express God's grace and to pray (this especially!) that there'll come a point where we might find some form of resolution that pleases God.
12/10/2011 12:05:00 PM
Britt United States
Britt
@Suilenrok

"At the end, I dunno. Do we really deserve to be hated or rejected by culture or fellow Christians?"

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! Reading Brant's other post about it made me realize that Christians are pretty silly when it comes to this. For example, I have a lot of friends who are recovering alcoholics. If they could break free from this, in an instant, they would. They feel guilty and horrible when they get drunk again and do something that breaks God's heart--but you know they would stop if they could. But that particular broken is so ingrained in them, so majorly a part of their being, that sometimes they just do it. They want it. And it doesn't go away. Perfection will never happen until we're in heaven, so the struggle will always exist.

For me personally, I might make the ultimate choice to tell a lie or to get angry... but it's in me. I often react without thinking. I often do it and then later realize, "Wow, I just broke my father's heart and hurt someone made in his image."

Christians can agree that we shouldn't hate people who struggle with telling lies, or struggle with alcohol... Why should a struggle with homosexuality be any different?

I think people have made a huge deal out of it when it's no different than anything else. But I think one reason it stands out is because Christians (generally? I hope?) can agree that sex outside of marriage (etc.) is not God's plan for man. But many Christians will argue that homosexuality IS God's plan for man. Or at least acceptable to God.

In the end, sin is what nailed Jesus to the cross. It breaks my heart to think that Christians call something that nailed Jesus to the cross "good and acceptable."

At least that's my take, and I wonder if that isn't why homosexuality is such a massive topic of debate. But I definitely recognize that it got blown out of proportion and was turned into some ridiculous weapon.

In the end, we're all broken. We all struggle with some sort of sin that is the reason Christ was nailed to the cross. We're all guilty. But we're not defined by it. By the grace of God, every single one of us can get up when we fall down. Every one of us can be forgiven. And every one of us can be pure in the sight of God, regardless of the struggle.

Suilenrok, I hope that you find lots of love and support in your walk from all your brothers and sisters in Christ. I pray no one tries to devalue you or treat you less than the child of God that you are!!!!
12/10/2011 5:07:50 PM
Nate United States
Nate
I don't know how accurate it is, but some study says 80% of ev. Christians 18-29 are pre-maritally sexually active.  

Any ideas on what's behind these numbers? I wonder if we aren't experiencing the backswing of years of counter-glorification given to sex by church teachings on purity and marriage.  "If you wait, it'll be this panacea..." etc. As opposed to Hollywood's "Do whatever you want, and it'll be  panacea."

In a church/culture awash in the principle of adorning your life with fulfilling experiences (be they within a traditional moral framework or not), not many are really saying what you're saying here:  "That good life can be lived -- and has been lived -- by millions, who've gone without sex."

Romans 5:20 also comes to mind: The law was added to increase the trespass.

The more you tell someone not to do something, the more likely it is they'll go out and try it.  

(which I'm not accusing you of, btw- you make good points.)

Nate
12/10/2011 8:09:09 PM
Gregg United States
Gregg
Nate, I'm not sure how you're interpreting Romans 5:20, but the NLT reads, "God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were.  But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful kindness became more abundant."  I take that to mean that the law was added to increase our awareness of sin, not to allow us to trespass more.  I may be way offbase as to how you're interpreting this scripture.
12/11/2011 11:10:06 AM
Nate United States
Nate
Gregg,

I think the NLT is trying to do some helpful interpretation for us, but might miss the literal wording a bit.  The ESV says "The law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more."

This is fundamental to the nature of law, and is why it's so crucial people get the difference between imperative and indicative.  

The law(imperatives...i.e DO NOT murder) is given to stir up the sin and then convict(not prevent people from sinning, as most assume).  Think about it- the more you dwell on something, even if it's to say "I shouldn't do that," the more likely you are to desire it.  

The answer, then, is to forget the subject altogether- to be distracted by some worthy desire.

Which is why I say that relentless moral imperatives about sex, Biblically sound as they may be, are only going to awaken people's lust more.

Only the Gospel(indicatives- "it IS so...") get us anywhere.  Brant's statement on the "good life" being possible without sex leads us in this direction, I think. Away from law ("don't have sex outside of marriage") and thus making sin less tempting.  To ponder, "what makes life wonderful- in the design of God- without any thought to sex at all," could be the train of thought that moves someone away from failure in this area.  Much moreso, I'm guessing, than verbalizing "the rules" about sex.

Just thinking out loud...
12/11/2011 4:38:47 PM
Ken Hagerman(The Barba) Paraguay
Ken Hagerman(The Barba)
Smoked it with that last sentence. I never knew how thick my cultural glasses were until I moved to Paraguay. Daily I'm reminded that Jesus was not American. It's nearly impossible to see outside of you own cultural without being in a different one. Even 2 or 3 days can bring significant differences to light.

Thanks Brant.
12/14/2011 1:00:54 PM
Stephanie Canada
Stephanie
Well, I'm 37 and still a virgin because I'm waiting for a husband. But if God keeps me single, then I'll stay the way I am. I get teased about it work a lot where my Christianity isn't hidden. One guy asked "would you buy a car without test driving it?" I responded "but would you want to buy a car with 15 different owners?" My life is full and complete without sex. It's not a big deal!
12/15/2011 10:44:29 AM
Britt United States
Britt
I saw this and just had to comment again. GOOD FOR YOU, STEPHANIE!!!!! You encourage me so much!!!!!!!
12/19/2011 3:51:32 PM
Jessica United States
Jessica
What if you just feel like it is the right time for you? Regardless of media and peer pressure and the cultural constraints? I started out my teenage years with the intention of waiting until marriage, but I later changed my belief to "It'll happen when I'm ready." About a year after that, I decided that I was ready.

Unfortunately, there was quite a bit of heartache that went along with that decision about six months later... But I still don't regret it. Is that wrong? I think I like who I'm becoming, and I think that I would not be able to say that without that thing that the Bible would call a terrible mistake.

Lately, though, I've been wondering what God's plan really could be for me after all that I've been through in the past couple of months. I feel like I've been forgiven, but that's about the only thing I am certain about.

Whoever wants to reply to this, please do so. I'd be open to any comments that will force me to ponder.
12/20/2011 8:43:30 AM
Britt United States
Britt
“What if you just feel like it is the right time for you?” This statement alone is a cultural statement—a lot of other cultures don’t even consider whether or not feeling is important, whether it being right for you is important. You wait until ______________ happens, and then you have sex. Period.

So I think Brant’s blog does a good job of pointing out how we end up thinking the way that we do about sex as a culture—if it feels good, do it, etc.... It’s definitely something that people get comfortable with because of culture and the broken world in which we live, not because God deems it a worthy lifestyle.

Again, I don’t believe God says such-and-such to bully us—it isn’t to keep us from enjoying ourselves. On the contrary, it’s to give us the most possible fulfillment in this life possible. For lack of a better way to explain, let me illustrate—I am not completely innocent sexually, but I have never been physically intimate with another person. Now that I’m aiming for purity and trying to stop letting the world dominate my thoughts about sex, I realize one of my biggest fears is being with someone who HAS been physically intimate with another person. Sure, they might have had a good time—but suddenly, I will be compared to another person. Suddenly, I’m the second choice. Suddenly, I’m trying to compete with the last two, three, twenty girls that he’s been with. Suddenly, I’m not special—it’s my first time, but he’s been there, done that…

I personally wouldn’t feel secure in a relationship like that. Maybe he has no regrets, but I know that I wouldn’t be happy about it. That’s why I look at purity as a gift to my future spouse. It’s not about me, how I feel, what I get out of it. It’s about saving myself for my husband so he doesn’t feel insecure, so he doesn’t feel like he’s a second choice, so he doesn’t have to compete with two, three, twenty guys that I’ve slept with… It’s my gift to him. It’s a lot of work on my end, mind you!!!! But it will be worth it—I am his and he is mine, and never have we belonged to anyone else. That’s my hope.

That being said, you might have already done something, but that doesn’t define you. Like I said, I’m not totally innocent sexually. I think it would be hard to be in this culture—by the time we’re old enough to know better, we’ve already been taught so much about sex according to the standards of the world. We all get broken and messed up along the way. But thanks to Jesus, we have the opportunity to be pure again. And again. And again, if need be. You just gotta pick yourself up, turn yourself around, and try again.

God is faithful to forgive. What you do does not define nor condemn you.

But God has bigger, better plans for you than the world does. The world will tell you something is okay and that something will give you a good time. God gives you better instructions so that you can have the BEST time. The way I look at it, the way the world does it generally doesn’t work—I see so many people get divorced, cheated on, compared to others, treated casually, used and abused…

If you want to be different than the world, you need to do things different than the world does.
1/10/2012 12:28:05 AM
Chris United States
Chris
I was reading an online Bible and it had a cross reference area on the right with other verses. I was reading Mark 10:7-8 which read "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one.". On the right in the cross reference section, it had 1 Corinthians 6:16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."... What I got from reading this was that God looks at sex (or probably intercourse specifically because of the mention of a prostitute) as marriage. Because of this, I believe there is no such thing as sex before marriage. When you have sex with someone, that constitutes marriage in God's eyes. Multiple sex partners equals polygamy as far as I can tell. If I am interpreting this wrong, I'd love to be set straight. If I'm right, glad to share.  
7/23/2012 4:39:38 PM
Deborah United States
Deborah
I am living a very happy and full life *gasp!* without sex.  As a single/divorced parent, it was very difficult to wrap my brain around "starting over" and boy, did I make some horrendous mistakes.  After a bad dating experience several years ago, in which I felt totally lied to and betrayed, I finally got on my knees, repented of my sexual sins and put all that garbage behind me.

Something changed in me almost instantly.  I realized that my sinful behavior had been at the root of a lot of my relationship issues.  I finally accepted God's forgiveness and realized that I HAD been washed clean, like snow. Silly though it might sound to the rest of the world, I am starting all over again in my 40's and I finally started to think of myself that way.  Like a virgin.  No, physically, I'm not a virgin, although I'm sure I will be heckled for believing that I AM a virgin SPIRITUALLY. I've had a few friends look at me, incredulous, that I am willing to live without sex, even if it means I might never experience it again.

God thinks I'm worth the wait.  Finally, I also have begun to believe I'm worth the wait. True love is definitely worth the wait.  I know my future husband will be worth the wait.  Wherever he might be.
3/30/2013 12:06:07 AM
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