Nov 03 2011
The Totally NOT Safe for the Family Christian Radio Podcast: Inside the Mind of Men

(Click HERE to listen to the podcast.  Or, HERE is a link to our iTunes page!)

Your sex is not a social construct.  It's written on every strand of DNA, in each of the 50 trillion cells in your body.
And, except on a few remaining college campuses, this is so obvious it doesn't bear saying, but we'll say it:  We're different, we men and women. 
And viva la difference.
Shaunti Feldhahn, to her credit, takes this approach.  She's a Harvard grad, and a former Wall Street analyst who's also worked on Capitol Hill.  And analyze, she does, using thoroughgoing research techniques. Her books are worth reading, but only if you're, say, a male, or a female, or you interact with other humans.  (If that doesn't apply to you, skip the books.)
In this podcast, we talk about how men think, and, as shocking as that might be to women, how God didn't do this on accident.  Also, Shaunti tackles other tough issues, like how to handle the "modesty issue" in modern churches.

Comments (18) -

11/3/2011 12:25:09 PM
Alex Perrier Canada
Alex Perrier
This is your first time using the "NOT Safe for the Family" tag for your post.  Other posts don't use the tag, making them difficult to find.  Please use it all the time!  Smile
11/3/2011 12:25:59 PM
Brant Hansen United States
Brant Hansen
Ooh...good point.  Thanks.
11/3/2011 12:56:47 PM
kerri mayo United States
kerri mayo
This podcast has inspired me to put some extra effort in getting ready and put some make up on and fix my hair a little. You see, I am a stay at home mom with three kids, two of which I am in the process of potty training. With trying to meet all of the needs of everyone in my family and taking care of unlimited tasks, my needs and appearance seem at the bottom of my unending list. The only time I fix my self up is when we go to church or see other people. But today I have no where to go and no one to see besides my hubby and kids. So because I love him beyond words, I fixed my self up just for him. I don't want him to think that I don't care. Thank you for this podcast! It has truly given me some insight into my husbands mind.
11/3/2011 1:46:08 PM
Melanie Blinstrub United States
Melanie Blinstrub
come on ladies !! .. why are men pushed to TRY HARDER, EXCEL, achieve more , make something of yourself, volunteer more (so i can be proud) more money , etcc... but you cant push thru and ASK what he likes, and make a little effort. [not, NOT saying you should be someone else!!!, but i remember the days of ATTITUDE.. "accept me as I am, yada", me in sweatpants;)]
11/3/2011 3:50:40 PM
Valerie United States
Hi Brant, I agree with Shaunti. I have been married for 23 years to my very attractive Husband. I don't notice good looking guys if I am with him, so I don't believe it is the same for women. (just saying)I really think that is why God tells us not to keep ourselves from each other so neither will sin. (Paraphrasing, not exact words)
11/3/2011 4:45:27 PM
Robin United States
This podcast had me in tears.  I have been on my husbands case since we have been married (just over four years) about how it makes me feel when he notices attractive women.  Though it was INCREDIBLY difficult to hear, I needed to listen and absorb this message about how he's not to be held responsible for noticing, but rather for how he reacts after noticing.  He just got home from work and I am going to completely humble myself and apologize to him for holding him to an apparently unreachable expectation thus far into our marriage.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this.  I am hoping that my marriage will begin down a new path now; a path of understanding and love instead of accusation and hurt.  God bless!
11/3/2011 5:38:30 PM
Billa United States
Having grown up in a culture that is a lot more feministic than the US, this podcast makes me VERY UPSET.
If you grow up watching Disney's princess movies etc. you really might end up having a too romantic picture of love and marriage.
Very few differences in men and women are biological, most have to do with the way we were raised. Pressure coming from the society plays a huge role in what we think a man or a woman has to be like.
I am a woman and I am visually attracted to people, just like your "cliche man". I notice every attractive man entering the room as well and I have to keep myself from flirting.
11/3/2011 7:24:58 PM
Isaac United States
Yo Brant, have u ever considered puttin this stuff on itunes? It definitly deserves to be on there for those who dont listen to Air1!!! i want to carry it on my iphone ^_^
11/3/2011 7:30:49 PM
Michelle United States
I am doing one of Shaunti's Bible studies right now. I have been amazed! I think she is SPOT on! She has done a lot of research. She doesn't take the credit for any of it. I really think God has used her to help women understand the hearts of men. God designed men and women so differently, but specially for HIS purpose. I appreciate her so much! It can't be easy sharing what she has in her books and stuides.
11/3/2011 7:58:59 PM
Erin Myers United States
Erin Myers
Thank you for this! I am 21 years old and have been married for 2 years. My husband and I listened to this together. It almost brought me to tears! My husband and I went through a rough patch in our relationship a few months back but by God's mercy and love he brought us out of it better than we were before. But I still had a scar because I just could not understand how my husband's mind works and how a man 'can notice a woman without even thinking about it' as he has told me time and time again. But THIS has given me a WHOLE new perception. We discussed it after we listened and he said it makes so much sense to him and he wished he had known this years ago! I know it was God who made sure I was in my car to hear you talking about this on Air One so I could come home to tune in! Thank you for sharing!
11/4/2011 7:52:15 AM
Billa United States
As hard as it is to be faithful to your spouse in your thoughts, lust of the eyes is sin and we break God's commandment desiring someone other than the person we are married to.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5. 27-29)
We cannot use it as an excuse that we have a tendency to sin and that it is impossible to keep God's commandments.
Here is the solution: THE CLOSER WE ARE TO GOD, THE CLOSER WE ARE TO OUR SPOUSE and the easier it is to be faithful. The better we know God and deeply understand His AGAPE love and grace, the more we desire to live according to His will and love what He loves and hate what He hates (which is sin).
11/4/2011 9:31:19 AM
Danielle Cegers United States
Danielle Cegers
I find it really hard to believe that women will not believe that men are wired the way they are. It is definately true that a man will notice an attractive woman when they enter a room and womwn will notice an attractive man. If women are truely honest with themselves we have to admit we know when the attractive woman enters the room bevause we notice too, maybe even before the man, and our guard goes up. We have already sized the woman up and down and probably don't evemn realize we are doing it. I have been married for 12 years and I no longer get jealous over the little things. I am the one he chose and I am the one he comes home to every night. We need to be secure in our marriages and in our relationships, but most importantly secure in the Lord because He is the only one who is able to keep us from falling.
11/4/2011 10:25:38 AM
Billa United States
@Danielle I agree with you that most women notice attractive men too! My husband is handsome, but he knows he is not exactly my type. If we are at a restaurant or so and he sees a man who he thinks I would like, he sometimes says something like "Uh, oh - I've got to be worried now"... Staring at other men or my husband staring at other women would be totally disrespectful though.
My point in my previous statements was:
No matter if you are a woman or a man: If you call yourself a Christian, your desire should be to honor God in everything you do and see people (including attractive people of the opposite sex) with God's eyes. It helps to try to see every person of the opposite sex as your brother/sister or son/daughter (depending on age). Looking at your sister in a sexual way would make you a pervert, so, if you are a man try to see every woman you are not married to as your sister/daughter. That should help... ;)
11/4/2011 10:42:54 AM
Lora United States
  Wow! First let me say how thankful I was to hear something like this finally being discussed on Christian radio last night. Typically you'll hear these things discussed on secular radio with obviously a more sexual tone and opinions and they can very quickly turn sour.
  I think that women's reactions to their husbands/ boyfriends "noticing" other women can alot of times be directly tied to their self confidence. It's never really bothered me personally for my husband to "notice" a beautiful woman. Again, there is a difference in noticing vs. checking her out. I'm confident in our relationship and I'm the one wearing his ring. I know that women don't have the same mental response but most women I know totally notice the minute that an attractive man walks in the room.
  I also agree that as women, we should take care of our bodies because men are attracted to us physically. But again, I find that I'm attrated to my husband when he looks nice and in good shape. If we all put a little more effort into how we looked for our spouse it may bring a little spark back to our marriages that may have been missing.
  Well done Brant, even if people don't agree 100%, this gets people talking and thinking about what they can do differently!
11/6/2011 8:48:02 AM
Toni United States
It's easy to forget that we are all human. I have been married for 15 years to my best friend. There is the tendency to get relaxed and forget that the guy on the couch is a "man"-thank you for the reminder. Not easy to hear but the truth non-the -less.
11/10/2011 9:36:25 PM
Valerie United States
Brant, I just stumbled across your blog and am listening to your interview with Dan from Jars of Clay, and also skimmed this post. I'm intrigued! Curious, too...have you ever encountered anything related to "theology of the body," which is a popular topic in Catholic circles and is a way of looking at men and women and sexuality in light of how we are created to reflect God's love? Thought you might be interested, even if you differ on some of the theological points...This link has a pretty good summary:
7/31/2012 8:10:33 AM
Eric United States
Wow, all of that is so true. It's so weird to hear, "God made us guys this way" but it's "very" true that we're wired like that. I can probably more easily say this because I'm single, but everything she spoke about guys is 110% percent accurate applied to me.

Also the church dressing issue is All to real. It made my earlier teen years to even now difficult since I find myself turning eyes all the time, I constantly have a jolt then have to think, "Ok, avert the eyes". The sad part is I find myself averting my eyes toward the floor in the church just about as much as I do with worldly women.
2/26/2013 8:22:39 AM
Paul United States
Bingo, too bad churches are still attacking the husbands for getting into porn and having affairs instead of actually confronting women for their sin and selfishness
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