Dear Hollister Clothing Company,
Greetings. How are you? I am fine. I am Brant.
Hollister, I walked in one of your stores for the first time the other day! I'm pretty sure your clothes are awesome and stuff, but I had a problem:
I couldn't see anything.
I was wondering if I could buy you guys some lights. I bumped into a couple tables.
Hollister, I was going to tell you about my college roommate Jeff who used to have this blind ferret, and it would navigate by always brushing against the perimeter of the room. I was going to tell you about that because I hadn't thought about that ferret for awhile. But I thought about that ferret when I was at your store.
Anyway, I felt some clothes in there, but I didn't buy anything. It was too dark.
I tried to guess what the clothes looked like from your advertising pictures. In front of the store, you had a big picture of a guy with no clothes on, so that didn't help that much.
I've enclosed the above picture of a guy taking off one of your shirts. He seems mad. Perhaps it is chafing him.
Brant P. Hansen
P.S. -- I had this friend, Tom, who earnestly said, "You know, I go to the mall, and they've got the music thumping, and the store people are all cool and stuff, and it's like this awesome party, and then I get home -- and it's just a shirt."
P.P.S. -- I'm probably not your target demographic. I play the accordion.
I also write haiku:
Hollister need help
darkness enshrouds your products
can't see anything